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How should I act towards my flatmates that ditched me? Watch

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    My flatmates and I have always gotten on really well. Whenever I have asked them what we'd be doing for accommodation next year, they have always said that "we'll look soon" and that I'd be staying with them.

    However, it turns out that they went behind my back and got a three bedroom flat together. I overheard them talking about it. Rather than flat out confront them, I kept asking them about accommodation for next year, and still the same answers.

    Eventually they told me, after I got very angry with two of them. I told them how "it'd be very selfish if you were getting a flat behind my back". Problem is, they told me today - three days after uni accommodation applications opened. This has left me with very little chance of getting uni accommodation, and it'll be hard to get a non uni-flat now.

    They said that I shouldn't take it personally, and that I can come round whenever I want. They also said they didn't tell me because they were worried that I wouldn't speak to them again.

    I can't really work out whether or not they do actually want me to come round all the time next year, or if they dislike me. I've been pretty blunt with them, just giving them one word answers and not spending any time in our living area. They've been trying to speak to me all the time though, message me on Facebook etc. They knocked on my door on Saturday and asked if I wanted to come to a party, I just said "no".

    How do you think I should act towards them? Should I just act as if nothing has changed, or should I just scrap them? What they did was pretty bad, in my opinion.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks,

    Lisa x
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    (Original post by Lisa125)
    My flatmates and I have always gotten on really well. Whenever I have asked them what we'd be doing for accommodation next year, they have always said that "we'll look soon" and that I'd be staying with them.

    However, it turns out that they went behind my back and got a three bedroom flat together. I overheard them talking about it. Rather than flat out confront them, I kept asking them about accommodation for next year, and still the same answers.

    Eventually they told me, after I got very angry with two of them. I told them how "it'd be very selfish if you were getting a flat behind my back". Problem is, they told me today - three days after uni accommodation applications opened. This has left me with very little chance of getting uni accommodation, and it'll be hard to get a non uni-flat now.

    They said that I shouldn't take it personally, and that I can come round whenever I want. They also said they didn't tell me because they were worried that I wouldn't speak to them again.

    I can't really work out whether or not they do actually want me to come round all the time next year, or if they dislike me. I've been pretty blunt with them, just giving them one word answers and not spending any time in our living area. They've been trying to speak to me all the time though, message me on Facebook etc. They knocked on my door on Saturday and asked if I wanted to come to a party, I just said "no".

    How do you think I should act towards them? Should I just act as if nothing has changed, or should I just scrap them? What they did was pretty bad, in my opinion.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks,

    Lisa x
    Try to be civil as you still have to live with them but what they did was indeed crappy so I don't you should be doing friendly stuff with them really
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    What a **** move on their part.

    Have they explained why they did it and left you out of the loop? Why didn't they look for a 4 bed with you?
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    (Original post by JordE)
    What a **** move on their part.

    Have they explained why they did it and left you out of the loop? Why didn't they look for a 4 bed with you?
    Thanks for the replies guys.

    No they haven't really explained it. Whenever I question them, they just say that it is "a hard thing to tell a friend" and that it's "nothing personal". They wriggle their way out of it whenever I ask them why.

    I have my suspicions that one was hoping to rent her room out to me over Summer, as I told them earlier in the year that I won't be able to go home as my parents are getting an extension on the house which will see my bedroom be unusable for some time. That's possibly why they did not include me, as I know she wouldn't want some randomer staying in the flat, nor would the other girls like it. And she is definitely going home over Summer as she'll be working in her family business.
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    (Original post by Lisa125)
    No they haven't really explained it. Whenever I question them, they just say that it is "a hard thing to tell a friend" and that it's "nothing personal". They wriggle their way out of it whenever I ask them why.
    It's definitely personal.
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    (Original post by Norton1)
    It's definitely personal.
    I'm not sure if it is. I can't think of why it would be. They are also trying to invite me out at every opportunity, so surely if it was something personal they'd be glad that I was spending less time with them?

    As I said, I believe it was the selfish hope that I'd pay to stay in their flat over summer.
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    With decorum, grace and civility
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    These people aren't your friends. If they ask you something give them polite one word answers and don't bother asking about them, because you shouldn't give a damn.
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    If it were me I'd just avoid them because they sound like *****. However, if you're dying to know why they didn't include you then you could just confront one of them alone and ask them too give you a straight answer with no ********, say you won't be offended or whatever (even if you will) and that you just want to know.

    It's probably some petty personal reason, but their actions have shown them to be incredibly immature so I would count the loss of their friendship as a personal gain
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    (Original post by KomradeKorbyn)
    If it were me I'd just avoid them because they sound like *****. However, if you're dying to know why they didn't include you then you could just confront one of them alone and ask them too give you a straight answer with no ********, say you won't be offended or whatever (even if you will) and that you just want to know.

    It's probably some petty personal reason, but their actions have shown them to be incredibly immature so I would count the loss of their friendship as a personal gain
    Thanks for the reply.

    I'm not really bothered about the reason. In all honesty, I made this thread hoping for responses like yours and the others I have received. I just needed others to confirm to me that not bothering with them is the right thing to do.
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    This situation is so awkward. There must be a reason why they didn't include you and they don't want to tell you - probably because they think it will make the situation even more awkward than what it is already.

    Personally, I wouldn't know how to act either - sorry I'm not sure what advice to give.
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    (Original post by Rossagle)
    This situation is so awkward. There must be a reason why they didn't include you and they don't want to tell you - probably because they think it will make the situation even more awkward than what it is already.

    Personally, I wouldn't know how to act either - sorry I'm not sure what advice to give.
    I still don't see it this way. I've asked them to tell me, and they don't really have any actual reason - hence why I believe they were hoping for me to rent a bedroom over Summer.

    If there was a reason, surely they wouldn't be going out of their way to try and talk to me and get me to join them on nights out? They'd be happy that I was keeping away from them. I haven't even seen them since Sunday.
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    (Original post by Lisa125)
    I still don't see it this way. I've asked them to tell me, and they don't really have any actual reason - hence why I believe they were hoping for me to rent a bedroom over Summer.

    If there was a reason, surely they wouldn't be going out of their way to try and talk to me and get me to join them on nights out? They'd be happy that I was keeping away from them. I haven't even seen them since Sunday.
    But there must be a reason. Imagine you have three good friends... you all get on well, you all live together and you all could live together next year too. But you and two others decide between yourselves to go and live in a house for three people and exclude the other one without telling them. There must be something to it. Even if it's just that those three are a lot closer to each other and then you are there too but not as close - even if you don't realise this or don't see it in that way.

    To your main question. For me I'd not know how to act without truly knowing the reason why. It's a good sign they're still asking you out and things but they should tell you the reason imo.
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    (Original post by Rossagle)
    But there must be a reason. Imagine you have three good friends... you all get on well, you all live together and you all could live together next year too. But you and two others decide between yourselves to go and live in a house for three people and exclude the other one without telling them. There must be something to it. Even if it's just that those three are a lot closer to each other and then you are there too but not as close - even if you don't realise this or don't see it in that way.
    This basically sums it up for me sorry OP. Regardless of how nice they are being I'd say they just feel guilty. There is a reason they have done this and I'd want to know why. I wouldn't ever do this to my friends.
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    The exact same thing happened to me
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Try to be civil as you still have to live with them but what they did was indeed crappy so I don't you should be doing friendly stuff with them really
    I want some advice but don't know how to pm you.

    Basically, if I'm on a gap year and miss my grades to get into my firm and get into my insurance but deep down I still :heart: my firm ... is it worth accepting my insurance offer with the intention of 1-1.5 months into the course at my insurance to apply for a transfer into the 2nd year at my firm choice providing that my firm choice accepts transfers onto the course.

    Also, would the firm university request the A level grades or would they ignore that and offer me a 1st year % degree classification I.e 2:1 to transfer? Would it affect my student funding in any way because I know you get funded your entire degree + 1 year extra.

    Note: I like my firm uni because they have connections with a year abroad university I'd like to study at whereas my insurance doesn't. Also, I don't like my insurance choice modules in the later years compared to my firm choice uni which I :love:

    Any help would be appreciated!
 
 
 
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