Stop being too possesive before it ends the relationship

hi....
my and my guy have bin 2gether for over 18months, but since last sept we've bin a long dist relationship due to me being at uni.

but i find im always wanting to know what he's doing, where he is etc... like foning him all the time on his days off etc...

i know its a problem and i really am trying not to do it, but when i say im not going to fone him i end up just wondering what hes doing and its distracting me frm my revision...

any advice is much appreciated

thanks
x

Reply 1

Talya

(Please don't use text speak)

Try texting him or emailing him instead?

Does he mind you phoning? You sound a teeny weeny bit smothering.

Wondering what he's doing is just something you will have to deal with when you are not together :frown:

Reply 2

~Kristina~

i know it bother him when i fone all the time... and yes i know i am a bit smothering.... thats why im asking for advice to help me stop being like that

Reply 3

username47781

Everyone in a relationship needs a bit of space from time to time, you bombard him with calls and texts it will annoy him, you need to trust him.

Reply 4

Sijia

Don't do it. It's distracting I know. But it's for the better to leave him alone. Learning that the hard way for me was....to say the least, unpleasant.

Reply 5

Angrybanana

Agree with everyone else here, don't be so dependent on him. It's probably quite a turn off for him if he thinks you have no life of your own and just obsess over him all the time.

Everytime you get the urge to ring him, make yourself wait for 2 hours and distract yourself and then gradually increase the time that goes by between your phonecalls. I think I saw a thread identical to this and I posted the same thing there too;
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=386522

Reply 6

~Sam~

Why do you feel the need to phone him all the time? Is it because you don't trust him or just because you miss him? Do you have many hobbies/interests outside of him? You need to concentrate on your own life as well as just your relationship, it will make you both happier.

Reply 7

thebarmaidsmiles

This is a classic case of uni/LDR relationships, and I've been there, it's the pits.

It's so hard going from being in each others' company all the time to being independent, and so many of us fall into the trap of becoming obsessive and clingy.

Really, I'd recommend what angrybanana said, start distancing times between phonecalls. Plan things for you, so that when you do speak you have so much more to tell him. And I'm sure he'd be proud of you :smile:

If you're both determined to stay together, you need to start nurturing yourself more and not seek his approval so much (that sounds a bit harsh, but I'm sure you ring him every time you're about to go out/come back from somewhere with new people right? I did!)

So you're living two parallel lives now rather than one combined one, that is SUCH a good thing and you won't appreciate that just yet but you will. Get to know yourself a bit more, and congratulate yourself on not being so dependent when you do.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 8

Lithium

~Kristina~

i know it bother him when i fone all the time... and yes i know i am a bit smothering.... thats why im asking for advice to help me stop being like that

Look, my girl is the same way too. She is a bit obssesive (did i spell that right??) it is a bit flattering to be honest to see how much she cares and loves me and all, but within limits. Try to be lean back a bit, trust him...i mean i get the feeling that the reason my girl always wants to know where i am , whom i am with , what i am doing and so on is b/c she doesnt really trust me fully when she isnt there to keep an eye on me...for a while it is ok, but sooner or later, it may destroy the relationship...