dependence/obsession

Well where to start.. I know a lot of people on here don't belive you can be in love with someone that you talk to over the internet who you haven't met, and I'm not getting into that argument at the moment.
The problem is that I have been talking to someone that I got to know over the internet and then it progressed to texts and phoning because we got on really well and we told one another that we liked eachother. So a few months on and I feel like I have very strong feelings for him. It's got to a point now where I literally cant go 10 minutes without thinking about him and I get really upset if I dont speak to him for one day. I know it's really stupid cos i havent even met him, its not that we dont want to theres just a problem with it.
I dont know why im writing all this i just need to get it off my chest. This past week therse been days when every time ive been alone iv started crying about him cos i miss him so much. I also become very paranoid if he doesn't reply to my texts for a couple of days and get so worried he doesn't want to speak to me anymore. I text him everyday and I know i shouldnt cos its must annoy him :redface:

but i cant help it. I tell myself im not going to text him, maybe just for one day and then gradually build it up but i always end up texting him.
Ahhh I dont know what kind of reply i want from this, just does anyone know how I can stop feeling so dependent and obsessive about him? :confused:

Just so you know i dont really like going out places with my mates (strang i know) so please dont say go out with mates to distract myself cos its not an option.
Thanks if you're read this far :redface:

Reply 1

Ron Stoppable

14

Anonymous

I have been talking to someone that I got to know over the internet and then it progressed to texts and phoning because we got on really well and we told one another that we liked eachother. So a few months on and I feel like I have very strong feelings for him. It's got to a point now where I literally cant go 10 minutes without thinking about him and I get really upset if I dont speak to him for one day. I know it's really stupid cos i havent even met him, its not that we dont want to theres just a problem with it.
I dont know why im writing all this i just need to get it off my chest. This past week therse been days when every time ive been alone iv started crying about him cos i miss him so much.

The Solution: Do whatever it takes to date, in person, within a month. Set that target with him right now. Do it.

Reply 2

yeahyeahyeahs

16

something like this happened to me and in the end we dating but i met the guy in person before the msn/text/phone calls started.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Ron Stoppable

The Solution: Do whatever it takes to date, in person, within a month. Set that target with him right now. Do it.

What if you cant? For any reason eg parents, long distance, etc

Reply 4

neomayemer

Then keep at it until you can....

www.nationalexpress.co.uk
www.bmibaby.co.uk

Both a lifesaver for long distance relationships for me.... flying regularly to another country to see your girlfriend seems insane to me even now :P but we didnt meet on the internet... so there wasnt the problem of the initial meeting

Reply 5

domlague

1

Awww... it must be hard, but I feel I might be able to understand you!

As for the whole love-without-contact thing, I think it's entirely possible. In fact, if there's a meeting of minds it moves up to 'probable'. Too many people are pessimistic about the intentions of other people and life in general. Life's good, and not everyone is mean or horrible or malintentioned and many people fail to realise it. Have you told him how you feel? I'm sure he feels as much for you as you do for him.

- Just my 2p worth of wortheless advice - hope it helps :smile:

,

- me.

Reply 6

Ron Stoppable

14

Anonymous

What if you cant? For any reason eg parents, long distance, etc

Last Summer, I saw someone on TV who I recognised from F&B on here. That we lived a 3/4-hour coach journey apart wasn't a problem once we committed to see each other. In case weather was rubbish or any other factor reduced our enjoyment of these dates, we decided to hang out at least three times, including a theme park trip.

We're living together from Tuesday. :biggrin:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

He knows i like him, but I dont know if he knows just how much i like him. He says he likes me too so thats good so far :redface:

The thing is I dont know if i believe that we can be together one day. I know its a bit confusing. I suppose i need to know what other people would do if they had strong feeling about someone but they didnt think they could be with the person :confused:

would you carry on like you are at the risk of falling deeper into to it and feeling like iv described whilst doing it or try and stop, and if so how? cos i try not to think about him but he's always there in my mind and it seems like its gonna be impossible for me to stop or even just weaken my feelings for him

Reply 8

Ice_Queen

17

I had a LDR...we never met (although we did have plans to later this year when I was at Uni...escaping to Missouri is not an option right now), but when we split it felt like part of my soul was missing.
I know exactly how you feel and all I can do is agree with the others. See him as soon as you can or you'll regret it. I know this.
PM me if you just want to talk.
xx

Reply 9

Ron Stoppable

14

Anonymous

He knows i like him, but I dont know if he knows just how much i like him.

Find out in person. Nothing with him will matter in the long-term unless you do.

[/end of my participation in this thread. See him or carry on moaning. It's your call.]

Reply 10

Livethefire

Ditto: Im in and LDR atm, met on the interent and due to meet for the first time this month (after 9 months since we started "going out")

PM if you want to talk further.

Reply 11

Do Chickens Fly

8

Dependent personality, google it, read it, understand it. Sounds like you. You may find it a maladaptive trait and it may destroy your life; you may not. You might want to consider changing it, if you consider it a problem.

Reply 12

domlague

1

Hi again,

Dependent personality? ... or just normal human behaviour. Jumping to a pyschomedical evaluation of it so quickly is a bit radical. This person sounds perfectly sane, normal, and healthy. Unless I'm just another person with a 'dependent personality' :eek:

- Stay cool :cool:

,

- me.

Reply 13

Ginger_Rogers

7

I'm quite a dependent person, and no matter how much I have been hurt in the past, tend to jump in again quite easily.

Then recently I decided that it is pointless, and only results in me being worried and preoccupied all of the time. Now my new motto is 'enjoy it for what it is, not what you think it may be'. It is hard, but I have made it happen!

Reply 14

gracie88

14

I met my boyrfriend online nearly 5 years ago, we would talk for ages and i felt like something was missing when we didn't speak. We met up however and we've been together for 2 years. I completely understand what you're feeling but maybe you should try meeting up at least? i know you say you can't, but surely there must be some way.

Reply 15

herecomestrouble

14

its risky business....could work out but you could also get too involved with this guy that you've never met and "being" with him could prevent you getting on with life around you.... its hard to say though...

how far away are you?

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

Folks can I gatecrash this thread? :biggrin:

I have the same obsessive feelings about someone at uni. OP, perhaps we can feel depressed together :redface:

I'm pretty sure this person is not interested in me but there's still a niggling doubt. I emailed them last week with some helpful info regarding exam results and registeration (nothing flirty) and they did not respond. I saw them briefly in a lecture today and they apologised for not responding saying that they were busy with work. I dont know what to do :redface:

I have a boyfriend and we're on the brink of braking up. My crush has a girlfriend and they are on the rocks also. I thought I made it clear that I fancied my crush, but perhaps I havent been forward enough. Hmmmmm... on second thoughts. Perhaps I should make a seperate thread about this lol

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

Anonymous

Well where to start.. I know a lot of people on here don't belive you can be in love with someone that you talk to over the internet who you haven't met, and I'm not getting into that argument at the moment.
The problem is that I have been talking to someone that I got to know over the internet and then it progressed to texts and phoning because we got on really well and we told one another that we liked eachother. So a few months on and I feel like I have very strong feelings for him. It's got to a point now where I literally cant go 10 minutes without thinking about him and I get really upset if I dont speak to him for one day. I know it's really stupid cos i havent even met him, its not that we dont want to theres just a problem with it.
I dont know why im writing all this i just need to get it off my chest. This past week therse been days when every time ive been alone iv started crying about him cos i miss him so much. I also become very paranoid if he doesn't reply to my texts for a couple of days and get so worried he doesn't want to speak to me anymore. I text him everyday and I know i shouldnt cos its must annoy him :redface:

but i cant help it. I tell myself im not going to text him, maybe just for one day and then gradually build it up but i always end up texting him.
Ahhh I dont know what kind of reply i want from this, just does anyone know how I can stop feeling so dependent and obsessive about him? :confused:

Just so you know i dont really like going out places with my mates (strang i know) so please dont say go out with mates to distract myself cos its not an option.
Thanks if you're read this far :redface:

I am in the EXACT same situation. OMG it is so crazy but good at the same time :smile:

. I've only been talking to this guy for a month now, but I love him, as much as someone could without meeting ofcourse. We chat on MSN and text each other heaps! We've yet to speak on the phone, but soon enough.

And like you, if I don't receive a text back within 5 minutes I get worried :p:

lol. I don't see any harm in feeling this way. I think you should try and meet up...if that is possible. And good luck, just enjoy it, without becoming too obsessive. :smile:

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

herecomestrouble

its risky business....could work out but you could also get too involved with this guy that you've never met and "being" with him could prevent you getting on with life around you.... its hard to say though...

how far away are you?

Thats what happening now, i have exams at the moment but i cant concentrate no matter what i try. Hence why im on here now instead of revising. I know all this and i know im not going to do as well in my exams that i could have, but it seems like im on a self destructive road but i dont want to get off :confused:

that make sense? But i think thats the main reason i posted on here asking for help.

Its not just distance thats the problem, but we are at opposite ends of the country, hes quite far north im south.
I probably do have dependent personality traits, but il worry about that when i have less things on my mind :rolleyes:

Reply 19

domlague

1

Hi again,

Like Ron Stoppable said, the only thing for it is to make a plan regardless of the difficulties. Where there's a will there's a way - find it. Likewise I've nothing further to add really... the two of you are the only ones who can sort it out!

- Ciao ciao,

- me.

dependence/obsession

Related discussions