More for indians, but curious...

how important is your ethnicity when it comes to going out with someone? Like... if you found someone worth it, but they turn you down because you may not be Gujarati or whatever... is it just me, or is that really odd?

Reply 1

Talya

16

This has been done a million times before...

Anyway, if someone rejects you because you are not the right etnicity then thye aren't worth it!

Reply 2

*Mike*

11

doesnt this depend more on their religious views than being indian?

Reply 3

penny_lane89

*Sub

how important is your ethnicity when it comes to going out with someone? Like... if you found someone worth it, but they turn you down because you may not be Gujarati or whatever... is it just me, or is that really odd?

Often its not actually their views, but the views of parents and even grandparents whose way of thinking is stuck in the dark ages. I speak from experience, although luckily my parents arent as bad as some. But if its theyre own views and the only thing they can see is your ethnicity and cant get over that, then yeah they arent worth it.

Reply 4

DaChronik

Yeh I think its what the family thinks really... Girls might think, whats the point going out with him, if I cant marry him! I dunno why but I think some people think that way, I know my gf, but she liked me enough to go out with me... ;grin;

Reply 5

The$W£D£

I think religion and parents are the biggest problems here. From experience i think parents from a religious background such as buddhism can be very dominant towards their childs belief and therefore they kind of choose who they can or cant go out with (Edit: and therefore the girl tends to go out with boys without their parents knowing). Marrying a buddhist girl is like marrying the girl as well as the parents, since for them, their opinions can be more important than the girl's.

People say how you can accommodate both religions in a relationship, but most of the time it doesnt work out unfortunately, a lot of stress is created.

Reply 6

hermaphrodite

15

they just locked a thread similar to this, a minute ago.
again the OP is Aussie.

Have he aussies got some kind of obsession regarding inter - racial relationships with people from India/Asia or something

Reply 7

Sticky

*Sub

how important is your ethnicity when it comes to going out with someone? Like... if you found someone worth it, but they turn you down because you may not be Gujarati or whatever... is it just me, or is that really odd?

Relationships with South Asians can be very difficult, which I really find a shame. I have Asian friends and I'm white but I think that when it comes to relationships with non-Asian people, it becomes a very touchy subject, that you would probably only understand if you had their upbringing.

Are they told that non-Asians are not as good, that they must keep their culture and language going within the UK... I don't know.

It's more common to see Asian men with non-Asian women because it's usually more accepted and is a macho aspect of every culture, not just South Asian culture: if a father finds out his son sleeps with a lot of white women, he might even congratulate him. If he finds out the same about his daughter and white men, I can imagine that she'd in real trouble.

Reply 8

The$W£D£

I think south asian girls want to please their parents a lot, whether its education or boyfriends. South asian girls seem to want a man who understands their culture and gets on with their whole family. If the boy and girl really like each other but the boy doesnt get along with the dad then :eek:

. Basically end of relationship. Also, south asian parents prefer their daughters not to have many boyfriends.

The asian culture when it comes to relationships can be extremely different to europeans'.

I think indian girls want to explore and go out with anyone theyd like to. But hey cant because they want to keep their parents happy. So then they go out with mixed race boys (half south asian, half white) since they please the parents but also please the girl becuase of their european ubringing perhaps.

Reply 9

sugar_cane

14

*Sub

how important is your ethnicity when it comes to going out with someone? Like... if you found someone worth it, but they turn you down because you may not be Gujarati or whatever... is it just me, or is that really odd?

I know what you mean...
And I know exactly what loads of people on TSR have already said about someone not going out with because of your ethnicity...
But they have to realise the restrictions that come with certain religions...
I'm not contradicting what anyone has said before, because in an ideal world, race/ethnicity doesn't matter... :s-smilie:

Unfortunately, that's not the case for most people...
Being Gujarati myself, I wouldn't mind going out with anyone/of any race/colour if I liked them and they liked me (my parents wouldn't hear of it, but they wouldn't know :frown:

).

Reply 10

The$W£D£

Original post by &#8756

Being Gujarati myself, I wouldn't mind going out with anyone/of any race/colour if I liked them and they liked me (my parents wouldn't hear of it, but they wouldn't know :frown:

).

Exactly what i stated before :smile:

Reply 11

Sanity Panda

I'm really sorry that this sounds really racist.

I've never even once entertained the idea that I'd be with someone that is non-asian, as in I wouldn't go after them. I basically make it more difficult, setting a boundary for myself. In an odd sort of way, and perhaps horrible way its like selecting your partner based on preferences about their personality.

Course... love can sometimes work in a strange way, and I think that if I really liked someone enough their ethnicity would become null to me. It wouldn't matter anymore but so far, no chance.

The asian culture does have quite a strong influence though that can sometimes make or break interracial relationships. Its not entirely about the parents although to a certain extent, I do sort of think of my parents as important people... If I ever had children who wouldn't want their children to like them but I disagree with the controlling aspect.

Just some perspective on... the other viewpoint. I'm sorry if I'm not worth it though iTalya.

Reply 12

sugar_cane

14

The$W£D£

Exactly what i stated before :smile:

Sorry, I opened the thread about ten minutes ago and then replied...in which time you wrote something...sorry!!

And Sanity Panda, yep, I know that people think you may sound racist when you say that, but I have quite a few friends who feel the same way! It's just hard to understand for people who haven't be bought up with those kind of family values (well not really values, but thoughts)...it's just different I suppose...

Reply 13

Talya

16

Well if someone doesn't like you then there's no point in pursuing them, is there, Sanity Panda!

I've never had a crush on an Indian person, I find myself attracted to meditteranean men the most. Luckily in my family my cousins have married white guys so there's no way anyone can stop me doing what I want. :smile:

(Though I was friends with a half sri lankan guy and my aunts loved him.. v disappointed when we didn't get together, lol)

Reply 14

The$W£D£

Sanity Panda

I'm really sorry that this sounds really racist.

I've never even once entertained the idea that I'd be with someone that is non-asian, as in I wouldn't go after them. I basically make it more difficult, setting a boundary for myself. In an odd sort of way, and perhaps horrible way its like selecting your partner based on preferences about their personality.

Course... love can sometimes work in a strange way, and I think that if I really liked someone enough their ethnicity would become null to me. It wouldn't matter anymore but so far, no chance.

The asian culture does have quite a strong influence though that can sometimes make or break interracial relationships. Its not entirely about the parents although to a certain extent, I do sort of think of my parents as important people... If I ever had children who wouldn't want their children to like them but I disagree with the controlling aspect.

Just some perspective on... the other viewpoint. I'm sorry if I'm not worth it though iTalya.

Their ethnicity would become null to you, but im sure your parents would sound start trying to influence your boyfriend with religious and cultural beliefs...

Parents can be pretty controlling. The problem arises when you move in and are about to marry...

Btw would you go with a half asian boy? My ex said to me she preferred a half asians because they arent 'too much'.

Reply 15

The$W£D£

Original post by &#8756

Sorry, I opened the thread about ten minutes ago and then replied...in which time you wrote something...sorry!!

And Sanity Panda, yep, I know that people think you may sound racist when you say that, but I have quite a few friends who feel the same way! It's just hard to understand for people who haven't be bought up with those kind of family values (well not really values, but thoughts)...it's just different I suppose...

dont say sorry lol, i was agreeing with you. Damn these internet forums :P

Edit: And i agree with you on those family values. Indian familes tend to be far more attached to each other

Reply 16

The$W£D£

iTalya

Well if someone doesn't like you then there's no point in pursuing them, is there, Sanity Panda!

I've never had a crush on an Indian person, I find myself attracted to meditteranean men the most. Luckily in my family my cousins have married white guys so there's no way anyone can stop me doing what I want. :smile:

(Though I was friends with a half sri lankan guy and my aunts loved him.. v disappointed when we didn't get together, lol)

that half sri lankan guy wouldnt be me would it lol :P.

Reply 17

Sanity Panda

iTalya

Well if someone doesn't like you then there's no point in pursuing them, is there, Sanity Panda!

Yep, thats really true... wait was that meant to be a jab >.<?

I was lucky enough that the person that had fallen for me so happened to be chinese, although to a certain extent I wonder whether that was because I subconsciously allowed myself to open up to a romantic possability.

I've no idea what would have happened if they weren't asian and I guess I can't really comment since I've never been in the situation but its what I think would happen in it ever did (no chance now, but if it had happened in the past.)

Culture/Ethnicity can sometimes play a huge role in the relationship... people are always choosing others based on their personality, how they act and so many other things.

It'd be silly to say that those two things don't have any part in my life, they are part of my identity and so if I did things and the other person I was with didn't really understand or couldn't connect to me on that level... it'd be sort of sad.

Although sometimes are happy to try and connect and thats more important than if they were originally your culture or what not.

Reply 18

Sticky

The$W£D£

I think south asian girls want to please their parents a lot, whether its education or boyfriends. South asian girls seem to want a man who understands their culture and gets on with their whole family.

So that they get on with the whole family and please their parents (who might not be born in the UK if they're older), that makes sense, but when it comes to culture, I have to disagree. Of course there's a subculture within the UK, for people whose parents are Asian and it's nice to be with someone who understands what it's like to be brought up in a family where your parents came from South Asia. But the average British Asian is British, not Asian (I know many would find that hard to accept). They have little in common with actual Indian, Pakistani or Bangladeshi nationals. I tend to not bother discussing this with Asian friends as it can be a sensitive subject but we enjoy the same sports (ok maybe they tend to like cricket a bit more), watch the same films, read the same books, speak the same language...

Reply 19

Sanity Panda

The$W£D£

Their ethnicity would become null to you, but im sure your parents would sound start trying to influence your boyfriend with religious and cultural beliefs...

Parents can be pretty controlling. The problem arises when you move in and are about to marry...

Btw would you go with a half asian boy? My ex said to me she preferred a half asians because they arent 'too much'.

You know what... I'd resent my parents if they tried to control who I am with and I'd probably go marry the other person even if the parents disagreed because at the end of the day the person I am marrying is someone who I choose to be with, not them.

Equally I'd resent the person that I'm marrying if they forced me to disconnect with my values and family culture.

My parents aren't really religious, religion and culture are two different things in my opinion. Religion can cause alot more problems in interracial relationships than culture I'd think...

More for indians, but curious...

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