My boyfriend lied about his virginity...

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now but this still bothers me...
I was a virgin when we got together and i thought he wasn't. He had told me about having sex with a girl before me, his ex girlfriend, a girl on holiday - I thought he was pretty experienced. Throughout the start of our relationship he made me feel really guilty about the guys I had "done things with" prior to him and it was really upsetting and made me feel so slutty, despite not even having intercourse with them and losing it to him. I would get jealous about the girl he liked before me because we saw her around a fair bit and I thought he still had feelings for her, and obviously I thought they'd had sex and he might be comparing me to her.
Anyway, six months later he told me out of the blue that he'd "not technically lied" but had withheld the truth that had in fact been a virgin and had lost his virginity to me!!??
I didn't know what to think. He'd made me feel **** about kissing other people, allowed me to get jealous over NOTHING and known all this time without telling me that he was a virgin. I felt completely betrayed, and I was doubting our relationship and whether I really knew him or not.
I really want to get over it because at the time I decided to forgive him and carry on with this new knowledge, but it's always in the back of my mind. Of course it's better this way than for him to lie about being a virgin when really he's a man whore, but I can't help but feel mistrust towards him.
Does anyone think I'm overreacting and holding a grudge for nothing, or should it raise a red flag about trusting him now and in the future?

Reply 1

LonelyDemon

Maybe he was embarrassed by it and you wouldn't be interested if was. I think it's just done him trying to impress you. Just tell to be honest that you don't care if he was a virgin

Reply 2

Conkerr

You're overreacting in my opinion. It's not a big deal. He was probably embarrassed. How old is he? If he's kind of young it's stupid to lie about that, and if he's not so young anymore I can understand why he did it. But whatever the answer is, it's not that bad, there are worse things in life than that.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

My boyfriend did the exact same, except he didn't bring up my past etc, but would brag a lot about being experienced, so I gave him my virginity mainly because I felt pressured that he had done it so many times before with other girls and I felt I needed to live up to the same expectations they met. Then later he told me that he had lied and had only had sex with one girl before, not 5-6 girls like he had told me. He said he lied because he thought that girls like experienced guys and that he'd had experiences with girls in the past who turned him down because they seemed to think it was funny that he was inexperienced and didn't find it attractive etc. He said he told me the truth eventually because I kept bringing up how I don't know how I feel about him having so many ex sexual partners and that I didn't trust him without a condom in case he had STDs from those girls etc.
But yeah basically I'd say it's just a masculinity thing. Guys feel weak/inferior if they're still virgins after a certain age, so they lie because it makes them look better in front of girls.

Reply 4

chikane

The only problem I would have with him was making me look bad and making me feel guilty, seems like a very insecure guy.

Reply 5

username1726117

I'm guessing you're both fairly young?

Sounds like immaturity mixed with insecurity on his part. There's not much you can do now other than to either accept what has happened and move on with the relationship, or break up. You haven't specifically mentioned if you've actually spoken to him about what's been bothering you, so I suggest you do that first either way.

Young lads are, quite frankly, idiots at times. I can't judge this guy too much based on the little information provided, but credit is due for eventually telling the truth.

Reply 6

anonymous100000

Thanks everyone for the quick replies and advise.
Yeah we're both fairly young, he was 18 and I 19 at the time. I understand why boys lie about that kind of thing because it embarrassing whatever, I just don't understand why he didn't come clean after so long, and us being so close and open with each other!

Btw I don't think about it often, like it doesn't bother me 24/7, I just sometimes think back to that time and it just confuses me :') Idk maybe its just me being insecure...

Reply 7

Abolant

If he lied about that I wonder what else he has been lying about......

Reply 8

Wired_1800

I think he lied because he felt weak. There is the well-known lie that guys have to be studs to attract great girls (probably like you). As a result, many dudes feel pressure to live up to the hype. Some girls also treat virgins with disdain like they are beta males or half men.

I completely understand your boyfriend's feeling of lying. Yes, he messed up big time and should not have lied, but many men have personal struggles about living up to the demands of modern society. I know a guy that bragged about being a "lady's man." We later found out that he lost his "man virginity" in the final year of university to the girl, who is now his fiancee. Now, she jokingly mocks him about lying to her.

If you still feel insecure, I suggest that you have a deep talk with him about it. Ask him about other parts of his life (if you don't know). This will give you a clear ground to walk and you will no longer doubt him.

Don't overract about this issue, you will stress yourself out and make your relationship to suffer.

Good luck. :smile:

Reply 9

Mich18

I don't think you're overreacting tbh
There's one thing to be embarrassed and lie about being a virgin, it's another to demean your girlfriend while you're at it.

Reply 10

Wired_1800

Original post by Mich18

I don't think you're overreacting tbh
There's one thing to be embarrassed and lie about being a virgin, it's another to demean your girlfriend while you're at it.

Insecurity. Some people feel that others need to be on their "level."

Reply 11

Fadel

He did it so you don't call him a "man whore" and leave him the same day. What's the big deal? It always happens when you're dating young virgin girls lol.