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Do relationships have stages...?
I never actually thought that a "label" could be such a huge problem and drive such a huge wedge between two people, but I know better now. 
This might be a sort of strange view, and I'm not entirely sure whether its rational in anyway, you can point it that its irrational if you want.
Basically the other day I sort of mentioned to the person that I like, whom I had known for quite a while that I sort of disliked the idea of dating, and the labels boyfriend and girlfriend. I use others instead.
Those few sentences caused one of the biggest upstirs I had ever seen, the other person suddenly felt as I had shattered half their dreams since if situations ever came up... we'd basically be hanging out together instead of dating.
It certainly changed my perspective on the whole thing and I don't really mind using the terminology if it makes the other person happy, but... do relationships really have to go through these various labelled stages such as... dating, engaged... and any others that may exist.
Would you guys be offended if someone you really liked to be with, who you knew liked you too... said that they didn't really like those terminologies?
This might be a sort of strange view, and I'm not entirely sure whether its rational in anyway, you can point it that its irrational if you want.
Basically the other day I sort of mentioned to the person that I like, whom I had known for quite a while that I sort of disliked the idea of dating, and the labels boyfriend and girlfriend. I use others instead.
Those few sentences caused one of the biggest upstirs I had ever seen, the other person suddenly felt as I had shattered half their dreams since if situations ever came up... we'd basically be hanging out together instead of dating.
It certainly changed my perspective on the whole thing and I don't really mind using the terminology if it makes the other person happy, but... do relationships really have to go through these various labelled stages such as... dating, engaged... and any others that may exist.
Would you guys be offended if someone you really liked to be with, who you knew liked you too... said that they didn't really like those terminologies?
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I wouldnt care really.
And there are way more stages than dating and engagement!
And there are way more stages than dating and engagement!
Yeah... I sort of thought that the most important thing was that you were together rather than the labels but I'm not so sure anymore. I suppose to a certain extent there is a speacial kind of meaning attached to those words girlfriend and boyfriend....
There are more stages, mind giving a couple...?
There are more stages, mind giving a couple...?
As long as there's ground rules, i don't think you need the labels...
I think that they can put pressure on people. Because once they're "boyfriend and girlfriend" some people feel they have to act a certain way, or do certain things.
Without them, you can stil have the same relationship, so they don't really matter
I think that they can put pressure on people. Because once they're "boyfriend and girlfriend" some people feel they have to act a certain way, or do certain things.
Without them, you can stil have the same relationship, so they don't really matter
Meeting the parents. Going on holiday. Getting a set of keys. Moving in. Shared bank account.
Many stages. Less sexy names.
For most people, the terminology is linked directly into an understanding of feelings and commitment. They are a sign of progression and certainty in something they see as so important, they want to apply a label.
Many stages. Less sexy names.
For most people, the terminology is linked directly into an understanding of feelings and commitment. They are a sign of progression and certainty in something they see as so important, they want to apply a label.
Sanity Panda
Yeah... I sort of thought that the most important thing was that you were together rather than the labels but I'm not so sure anymore. I suppose to a certain extent there is a speacial kind of meaning attached to those words girlfriend and boyfriend....
There are more stages, mind giving a couple...?
There are more stages, mind giving a couple...?
Who cares what stage your in! it really doesnt matter nor should it affect the relationship.
theres stages like when ya fit meet, nervous, curious, then the get to know you, then the honey moon stage, then the pull away stage (for me), then ya in the dating stage, then it can be the neutral boring stage....stuff like that
bunthulhu
That's interesting. So what do you call the 'other person' if you're not single? What do you say when people ask if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
I say im seeing someone
or we're "just friends"
or it's a secret
Sanity Panda
I use others instead.
What are they?
What matters is what the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" mean to you and if you did not use those words, what does the other word you would use, mean to you?
If it stills means that you will tell other people that you're an item, that you're committed to this person, that there's a sense of exclusivity (i.e. you're not going out with anyone else) and that you'll have a certain amount of physical and emotional intimacy, then it doesn't matter. If that word means something else to you, then she has good reason to get upset.
LeoBean
I say im seeing someone
or we're "just friends"
or it's a secret
or we're "just friends"
or it's a secret
I guess it's down to what you expect out of a relationship then. I personally would not be happy with a guy I was seeing (who I would call my boyfriend) telling people we were just friends or not telling them about me at all.
We're close, but I've never called ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend because they don't really see our actions together as dating or going out, like other couples.
I'm just sort of finding it messed up really, according to the other person we haven't even gone past the first stage which is admitting that we are boyfriends and girlfriend. Yet at the same time... I've sort of told them that I'd be with them pretty much until old... -.-
This all caused by the problem that I view boyfriend and girlfriend and dating in a negative light...
It sort of makes sense why she would be upset by the fact that I always use the term that we're really close friends, I guess the problem that arose from here is that I put more value in the "close friend" than she did.
I'm just sort of finding it messed up really, according to the other person we haven't even gone past the first stage which is admitting that we are boyfriends and girlfriend. Yet at the same time... I've sort of told them that I'd be with them pretty much until old... -.-
This all caused by the problem that I view boyfriend and girlfriend and dating in a negative light...
It sort of makes sense why she would be upset by the fact that I always use the term that we're really close friends, I guess the problem that arose from here is that I put more value in the "close friend" than she did.
bunthulhu
I guess it's down to what you expect out of a relationship then. I personally would not be happy with a guy I was seeing (who I would call my boyfriend) telling people we were just friends or not telling them about me at all.
I'm wondering if that isn't the problem: a social issue and not wanting to have to tell friends that you have a girlfriend.
I can't see what other reason would push you not to use the word "girlfriend", unless you're not particularly interested in her and want her as a "****friend".
Labels.
Ah, 'Boyfriend' + 'Girlfriend'
They are simply for the benefit of other people IMO - and I hate that. The two in question know what they both want, and shouldn't need it termed. Other people just ask 'Is X your Boy/Girlfriend' etc.
It's annoying, definately. MOST of my mates agree too.
Ah, 'Boyfriend' + 'Girlfriend'
They are simply for the benefit of other people IMO - and I hate that. The two in question know what they both want, and shouldn't need it termed. Other people just ask 'Is X your Boy/Girlfriend' etc.
It's annoying, definately. MOST of my mates agree too.
bunthulhu
I guess it's down to what you expect out of a relationship then. I personally would not be happy with a guy I was seeing (who I would call my boyfriend) telling people we were just friends or not telling them about me at all.
"Do you have a girlfriend? Tell me about her"
"Yes, I do, thanks for asking! Her name is ______ and she makes paper aeroplanes that look like Boeing 747's and she paints garden gnomes for a living and lives with her aunt who can only move around on a pogo stick"
Completely avoided using any kind of word to the effect of "girlfriend". It's easy
I'm sure you'd rather be known by your real name than your boyfriend's girlfriend...!!!
Sticky
I'm wondering if that isn't the problem: a social issue and not wanting to have to tell friends that you have a girlfriend.
I can't see what other reason would push you not to use the word "girlfriend", unless you're not particularly interested in her and want her as a "****friend".
I can't see what other reason would push you not to use the word "girlfriend", unless you're not particularly interested in her and want her as a "****friend".
I have to agree; personally I would take that to mean that the guy was trying to keep his options open which I would be severely unimpressed with if we were exclusive.
bunthulhu
I guess it's down to what you expect out of a relationship then. I personally would not be happy with a guy I was seeing (who I would call my boyfriend) telling people we were just friends or not telling them about me at all.
I think that depends on how long its being going on
LeoBean
I think that depends on how long its being going on
Well, if we were exclusive then I don't think it's too much to expect?
eventhorizon
"Do you have a girlfriend? Tell me about her"
"Yes, I do, thanks for asking! Her name is ______ and she makes paper aeroplanes that look like Boeing 747's and she paints garden gnomes for a living and lives with her aunt who can only move around on a pogo stick"
Completely avoided using any kind of word to the effect of "girlfriend". It's easy
I'm sure you'd rather be known by your real name than your boyfriend's girlfriend...!!!
"Yes, I do, thanks for asking! Her name is ______ and she makes paper aeroplanes that look like Boeing 747's and she paints garden gnomes for a living and lives with her aunt who can only move around on a pogo stick"
Completely avoided using any kind of word to the effect of "girlfriend". It's easy
I'm sure you'd rather be known by your real name than your boyfriend's girlfriend...!!!
You've still said you DO have a girlfriend
That's all I was wondering.PhilMc
Labels.
Ah, 'Boyfriend' + 'Girlfriend'
They are simply for the benefit of other people IMO - and I hate that. The two in question know what they both want, and shouldn't need it termed. Other people just ask 'Is X your Boy/Girlfriend' etc.
It's annoying, definitely. MOST of my mates agree too.
Ah, 'Boyfriend' + 'Girlfriend'
They are simply for the benefit of other people IMO - and I hate that. The two in question know what they both want, and shouldn't need it termed. Other people just ask 'Is X your Boy/Girlfriend' etc.
It's annoying, definitely. MOST of my mates agree too.
How is it annoying? You want to be able to screw a girl and can't see if you might be able to screw some better looking ones at the same time?
How you present yourself and the other person, is just proof of how you feel about them. It's like insulting a mate behind his back and then saying to him "Well you know we're mates so what I say to others doesn't matter".
The best proof of how you feel about someone is how you talk about them in front of other people. If you're too embarassed to admit you're an item, then it's insulting. Think abou it. How would you feel if the girl you're seeing, is too embarassed to tell anyone she's seeing you and you're her boyfriend, because she thinks you're a loser?
PhilMc actually sort of described my feelings towards those particular labels. I know I'm pretty much devoted to the other person, I just personally really dislike those terms. I've got nothing against... jeez even now I can't use the term girlfriend properly. Its the term...
This might be a mindset that I need to change, but I've sort of viewed dating and the whole boyfriend/girlfriend in a negative light due to all the teenager break up I see when people talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends...
It sort of makes me think that people go and put on a slightly different persona to themselves when they are dating, not to mention when I hear people say they are dating... I sort of think oh... new relationship sort of thing.
This might be a mindset that I need to change, but I've sort of viewed dating and the whole boyfriend/girlfriend in a negative light due to all the teenager break up I see when people talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends...
It sort of makes me think that people go and put on a slightly different persona to themselves when they are dating, not to mention when I hear people say they are dating... I sort of think oh... new relationship sort of thing.
I've always said "boyfriend" unless we were just starting out, dating/seeing eachother so to speak.
I think people use relationship labels as they are just clear markers, therefore other people (friends/family/whoever you're talking to) can understand your dating/marital status. Obviously, you don't have to use them, I just think it makes things easier.
I think people use relationship labels as they are just clear markers, therefore other people (friends/family/whoever you're talking to) can understand your dating/marital status. Obviously, you don't have to use them, I just think it makes things easier.
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