Lying

Right, me and my best mate are stupidly close (he's male, i'm female - which already causes enough problems, I know) but of late I've felt like he's been keeping something from me. Last night he got a text really late, and me being the nosey cow that I am, I kinda peaked over his shoulder who it was. It was a girls name (no biggie to me really, he has lots of female friends). I don't know what the message said (there is a limit to my noseyness) and didn't enquire who it was from. Then he turned to me and said "oh it's from *this bloke* whose out getting drunk tonight" - thus being a bare faced lie.

I confronted him about it this morning, and he just looked really guilty and said he didn't want to tell me about it because it would upset me, which leads me to believe he likes this girl.

Is it wrong that I told him I was really hurt, got up and left in quite a hurry? Doesn't seem right that he's keeping things from me, and more hurtful is the fact that he lied to my face without any sort of provocation or need; like I said, I didn't ask who the text was from or anything, but he felt the need to make up a story about who it was from.

I don't know what to do :frown:

Reply 1

Bubblebee

15

Why oh why do people 'confront' others about this kind of thing?
Perhaps he does really like this girl but was worried you'd be obbsessive and paranoid, perhaps he believes you like him more than as a friend, which you do. So rather than let you find out that he is about to get his rock off with some chick who isn't you by showing you possibly a silly lame message he lied until he could find a more suitable time to tell you.

At the end of the day, he only lied about who the message was from, it's not like he has been keeping his sex change opperation secret for 15 years.

If you do like him more than a friend (you didn't say but I'm assuming you do) then talk to him before things go any further with the other girl. If you really are upset about this little white lie then perhaps you should just ask him why he lied. Though I personally would drop it.

Reply 2

ßlαcksωαn

17

Well it sounds as though you two are just 'friends'. And just because he said he's not telling you because it might upset you doesn't necessarily means it's some chick he likes..I would be asking further questions if you want the truth..but try and do so in a inconspicuous manner. Like dont be asking him nagging questions..

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Bubblebee

If you do like him more than a friend (you didn't say but I'm assuming you do) then talk to him before things go any further with the other girl.

Lol, the usual assumption; no I don't like him as more than a friend, he's like my big brother. I'm more upset that he felt the need to keep it from me, and blatently lied (today's my birthday too, so extra little stab in the gut there).

Admittedly, I can get quite jealous, and he knows this, but he knows that I hate being lied to more than anything on the planet (I have an ex who kept everything from me and it's kinda given me a bit of a complex). If he'd just told me I would have been fine with it, it's just the fact that he lied.

Reply 4

Gilliwoo

Anonymous

Right, me and my best mate are stupidly close (he's male, i'm female - which already causes enough problems, I know) but of late I've felt like he's been keeping something from me. Last night he got a text really late, and me being the nosey cow that I am, I kinda peaked over his shoulder who it was. It was a girls name (no biggie to me really, he has lots of female friends). I don't know what the message said (there is a limit to my noseyness) and didn't enquire who it was from. Then he turned to me and said "oh it's from *this bloke* whose out getting drunk tonight" - thus being a bare faced lie.

I confronted him about it this morning, and he just looked really guilty and said he didn't want to tell me about it because it would upset me, which leads me to believe he likes this girl.

Is it wrong that I told him I was really hurt, got up and left in quite a hurry? Doesn't seem right that he's keeping things from me, and more hurtful is the fact that he lied to my face without any sort of provocation or need; like I said, I didn't ask who the text was from or anything, but he felt the need to make up a story about who it was from.

I don't know what to do :frown:

This sounds identical to post somebody wrote a while before. As bubblebee said, why on earth would you "confront" somebody over something so trivial, and something over which he really does reserve the tell or not? There really are worse things in the world than lying (especially considering how incredibly trivial this particular lie was). Are you really being sensible here?

Reply 5

Ywiss

15

Anonymous

Lol, the usual assumption; no I don't like him as more than a friend, he's like my big brother. I'm more upset that he felt the need to keep it from me, and blatently lied (today's my birthday too, so extra little stab in the gut there).

It's not an extra little stab in the gut just because it's your birthday. Just because it's your birthday you don't automatically have the right to be treated differently... :rolleyes:

Anonymous

Admittedly, I can get quite jealous, and he knows this, but he knows that I hate being lied to more than anything on the planet (I have an ex who kept everything from me and it's kinda given me a bit of a complex). If he'd just told me I would have been fine with it, it's just the fact that he lied.

Well, there you go then - you get jealous, so he wanted to avoid a confrontation. Unfortunately, he got one anyway.

I agree with Bubblebee; there was no need for you to confront him like that. Instead of confronting him because he lied to you, next time try thinking about why he felt he needed to lie to you.

Reply 6

PhilMc

16

It's obviously something he didn't want you to see.

There are just somethings you don't tell your mates. Not matter how 'Besty Besty Bestest' they are.

Reply 7

joz12345

1

if you are just best mates and nothing more then you should nt care if he is interested in some one . i can see why your annoyed that he lied about who it was etc, but in the end you shouldnt of been nosy and you two are FRIENDS

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Ok, there's a wee bit of confusion here:

I'm not upset that he lied cause a girl he liked texted him - fact is if he's met someone then I'm happy for him cause he's been really down lately. I'm upset because he felt the need to lie to me.

Reply 9

Bubblebee

15

Anonymous

Ok, there's a wee bit of confusion here:

I'm not upset that he lied cause a girl he liked texted him - fact is if he's met someone then I'm happy for him cause he's been really down lately. I'm upset because he felt the need to lie to me.

I really do think he was simply doing it to preserve your feelings for the moment. Wouldn't you have rather found out by having a conversation about it when he knew what was happening?
I mean, I don't really tell any of my mates about new boyfriends until I'm certain it's going to work.

Reply 10

izwhiz

I personally don't think that this lie was anything to get upset about. Everyone has their secrets...even from best friends!!! It seems to me and obviously to others on here that you do like him as more than just a friend...

Reply 11

randomgirl

14

I wouldn't read into it so much, yeah he maybe withholding info, but he doesn't have to tell you. No matter how close you are!

I can understand why it seems hurtful because he lied to you, but maybe (as others have said) he just doesn't want to tell you about this girl yet.

Reply 12

Gilliwoo

Anonymous

Ok, there's a wee bit of confusion here:

I'm not upset that he lied cause a girl he liked texted him - fact is if he's met someone then I'm happy for him cause he's been really down lately. I'm upset because he felt the need to lie to me.

Ah I see. Well everybody has things they would rather were not known by others. Maybe he was being cautious because he didn't know how you woul respond, or perhaps he was being cautious because he wanted to avoid questions on the matter. One of the reasons I tend to keep secrets from people is so that I retain some control over matters, rather than because I don't trust them. So I don't think you should see it as him pushing you out. I guess it's always a surprise to realise that even very close relationships have boundaries. I wouldn't think of it as him pulling away from you or anything; this may just happen to be one of his boundaries. I learn't that the hard way when I nearly lost a very dear friend over something like this. Boundaries aren't always about pushing people out. It could even be said that to respect a person's boundaries and maintain a stong relationship still, in many ways strengthens it.

Reply 13

username47781

20

I would stop being nosey if I were you, you are only friends and maybe there is just some things he doesn't want to tell you. You should respect that if you want to stay least friends with him.

Reply 14

abc101

17

Happy Birthday anyway!

Sounds like he's just embarassed about it...haven't you ever got a text off a guy you like and someone asks who it's from, you're like, 'Oh, just a girl from school' or something like that because you don't wanna deal with embarassing questions? Maybe he didn't want you to ask about the girl because he doesn't know himself if anything's going to happen with her and he thought you would be all, 'Ooh, who's she then?'! It doesn't sound like a mahoosive deal, don't worry about it too much.

Lying

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