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Was I raped??? watch

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    So I drank A LOT (at least a litre) and my "friend's" friends put me on a bus and I vaguely remember like talking to everyone on the bus and I met this guy (he was completely sober) and I told him where I lived and he still took me to his apartment. I remember telling him to put on a condom cause I was not about to get pregnant or an STI just because I was drunk. He would stop every so often to "cuddle" and I just remember waking feeling like complete **** and seeing like 3 full condoms on the floor. He wanted to do it "again" in the morning but I kept refusing but he still tried and again I told him to put the condom on;. He wasn't like violent though but he was a complete stranger and was like a decade older than me (he knew my age). He didn't ask me for permission, he'd just stop for a bit if I started crying or stopped saying anything. I feel like I couldn't push him away though because I was smoking his cigarettes and staying at his house so it was essentially my fault for getting that drunk in the first place. And I dont even know if I was up for it or not but most likely not since I didnt even want to do it with my boyfriend when I was sober. He didnt really "force force" me so honestly I'm so confused right now, I literally just got home. I don't THINK I was raped because I dont remember much and it wasn't exactly traumatising like the first time it happened (I was younger). I just feel so dirty and I feel like it was my fault cause I didnt really stop stop him and I didnt go home when I should have and continued to go to his apartment so I did have some sort of control in which direction it could have gone in. I feel sick but I think that is just cause I'm hungover.

    Should I just pretend it didnt happen and move on? One of those drunken mistakes things.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I remember telling him to put on a condom cause I was not about to get pregnant or an STI.
    No.
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    That's rape. You were drunk. You didn't consent. You don't remember it. You cried, he carried on. I had a *similar* experience, except I did say no. If you want, you can PM me. I remember even straight after it happened I didn't feel traumatised - didn't even really realise what had happened. You're probably still a bit drunk and hungover. It catches up on you.
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    It wasn't rape, just a very stupid life choice. This is exactly what happens when people choose a lifestyle of reckless drinking and casual sex attitudes. At least now you know not to do it again.
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    You telling him to put a condom on when he does do it is kind of giving him consent to actually do it, don't you think? He clearly wasn't trying to violate you if he stopped to check if you were okay and "cuddled" you..

    Also, you said you have a boyfriend.. Maybe you're just regretting that this happened?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I drank A LOT (at least a litre) and my "friend's" friends put me on a bus and I vaguely remember like talking to everyone on the bus and I met this guy (he was completely sober) and I told him where I lived and he still took me to his apartment. I remember telling him to put on a condom cause I was not about to get pregnant or an STI just because I was drunk. He would stop every so often to "cuddle" and I just remember waking feeling like complete **** and seeing like 3 full condoms on the floor. He wanted to do it "again" in the morning but I kept refusing but he still tried and again I told him to put the condom on;. He wasn't like violent though but he was a complete stranger and was like a decade older than me (he knew my age). He didn't ask me for permission, he'd just stop for a bit if I started crying or stopped saying anything. I feel like I couldn't push him away though because I was smoking his cigarettes and staying at his house so it was essentially my fault for getting that drunk in the first place. And I dont even know if I was up for it or not but most likely not since I didnt even want to do it with my boyfriend when I was sober. He didnt really "force force" me so honestly I'm so confused right now, I literally just got home. I don't THINK I was raped because I dont remember much and it wasn't exactly traumatising like the first time it happened (I was younger). I just feel so dirty and I feel like it was my fault cause I didnt really stop stop him and I didnt go home when I should have and continued to go to his apartment so I did have some sort of control in which direction it could have gone in. I feel sick but I think that is just cause I'm hungover.

    Should I just pretend it didnt happen and move on? One of those drunken mistakes things.
    Ok.

    Did you consent to the activity?

    If yes = not rape.

    If no = rape.

    Now, you do realise that you could NOT give consent due to your intoxication, i.e. you were incapitated by the alcohol. Legally then, you were raped.
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    (Original post by IFoundWonderland)
    That's rape. You were drunk. You didn't consent. You don't remember it. You cried, he carried on. I had a *similar* experience, except I did say no. If you want, you can PM me. I remember even straight after it happened I didn't feel traumatised - didn't even really realise what had happened. You're probably still a bit drunk and hungover. It catches up on you.
    No, it wasn't. It is statutory rape. But even so, she made a very foolish decision. And in any court of law he would be acquitted.
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    It sounds like he took advantage as you were in a vulnerable state, however it doesn't 'seem' like rape. None of us can say for sure, because you can't be certain of what you said. It seems like he pressured you, but you did consent
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    Lol you're in the wrong too , so don't try to label it as rape on his part
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    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    Ok.

    Did you consent to the activity?

    If yes = not rape.

    If no = rape.

    Now, you do realise that you could NOT give consent due to your intoxication, i.e. you were incapitated by the alcohol. Legally then, you were raped.
    But she also gave him her address which implies she was capable of giving him consent.
    • #3
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    At first it looks like u gave him consent by asking him to put a condom on But u must show that u did not have enough mental capacity to give the consent to him i.e being intoxicated; having drank at least 1 litre of alcohol. I'm sorry but it sounds like rape to me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At first it looks like u gave him consent by asking him to put a condom on But u must show that u did not have enough mental capacity to give the consent to him i.e being intoxicated; having drank at least 1 litre of alcohol. I'm sorry but it sounds like rape to me.
    But if she was capable of giving him something like an address then she wasn't incapable of it.
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    THe unfortunate answer is maybe. You did something stupid and dangerous. Now you can't remember, feel full of regret, and seek clarity. THere isn't any.
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    Stay strong
    • #4
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    it's one of those situations that isn't really black or white, technically if you were drunk and he was sober then you couldn't have consented but you did tell him to use a condom and he wasn't really forcing you. By calling it rape you technically are saying he should go to prison which is a bit extreme for a man who had sex with a drunk girl
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    farmer boy is going to comment now..
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    (Original post by IAmNero)
    But if she was capable of giving him something like an address then she wasn't incapable of it.
    OP's only way for it to be proven rape is that if "at least 1 litre of alcohol" is enough according to the threshold of the law to diminish her mental capacity. If not, then this is an unfortunate event.
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    (Original post by brent_)
    OP's only way for it to be proven rape is that if "at least 1 litre of alcohol" is enough according to the threshold of the law to diminish her mental capacity. If not, then this is an unfortunate event.
    Quite true. But because she seems to not go to the police but would rather rely on the support of the good ol' internet, she won't have any hope of 'justice'
    • #1
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    (Original post by Armastan)
    You telling him to put a condom on when he does do it is kind of giving him consent to actually do it, don't you think? He clearly wasn't trying to violate you if he stopped to check if you were okay and "cuddled" you..

    Also, you said you have a boyfriend.. Maybe you're just regretting that this happened?
    (Original post by Ezme39)
    It sounds like he took advantage as you were in a vulnerable state, however it doesn't 'seem' like rape. None of us can say for sure, because you can't be certain of what you said. It seems like he pressured you, but you did consent
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Lol you're in the wrong too , so don't try to label it as rape on his part
    (Original post by IAmNero)
    But if she was capable of giving him something like an address then she wasn't incapable of it.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    it's one of those situations that isn't really black or white, technically if you were drunk and he was sober then you couldn't have consented but you did tell him to use a condom and he wasn't really forcing you. By calling it rape you technically are saying he should go to prison which is a bit extreme for a man who had sex with a drunk girl
    okay so me asking to put the condom means that I technically consented?
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    Also guys I'm not planning to accuse him of rape and I'm not reporting it to the police cause I know it was mainly my fault
 
 
 
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