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My mum is being WAY too protective. watch

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    I doubt anyone remembers but a few months ago I posted asking for advice. Basically I'm 15 and I'm in my last year of sixth form so in a couple of months I'll be done with school. My mum really wanted me to go to university or do another set of A-Levels, but I wanted to start my career in acting as quickly as possible without studying random subjects just because my mum has this idea that my age means I should be sat at a desk.

    Anyway, we were able to come to an agreement - I could pursue acting most of the time, and two evenings a week take a college class (cooking for beginners...not something I particularly care about, but more of a fun course than more education) and continue with my job (I work for my friend's dad),

    But then around Christmas my brother died. I don't want to go into huge detail but he took his own life after a battle with severe depression. At first we were all grieving, naturally, but recently the family has gone back to 'normal', or at least the best version of normal we can be. Except for my mum...she's lost a child, I know, and I doubt she'll ever get over it, but she's taking her grief out on me. She's started being really, really overprotective - not letting me go out without adult supervision, constantly texting me at school to check up on me and insisting on driving me everywhere, even if where I'm going is a 2 minute walk away. I could deal with all that, but now she's going back on our agreement. She's saying I have to stay in full time education until I'm 18! That's over two years away! Now, I'm well aware she can't force me into it, but you could cut the tension in our house with a knife. If I ignore her texts at school she gets really angry and cries for ages, so imagine what she'd be like if I didn't listen to her on something like this!

    Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? Preferably if you have experience with grieving parents, because I just don't even know how to talk to her about it. She thinks she's a bad mum for 'letting Jacob out of her sight' when he needed her, but all he did was move away for uni when his depression wasn't that bad. I guess she's afraid something happening to me if she doesn't control my choices (even though I don't have any MH issues) and I don't know how to get her out of that mindset.

    She is seeing someone, by the way. She's working through her issues, just very very slowly.
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    (Original post by redbluedex)
    I doubt anyone remembers but a few months ago I posted asking for advice. Basically I'm 15 and I'm in my last year of sixth form so in a couple of months I'll be done with school. My mum really wanted me to go to university or do another set of A-Levels, but I wanted to start my career in acting as quickly as possible without studying random subjects just because my mum has this idea that my age means I should be sat at a desk.

    Anyway, we were able to come to an agreement - I could pursue acting most of the time, and two evenings a week take a college class (cooking for beginners...not something I particularly care about, but more of a fun course than more education) and continue with my job (I work for my friend's dad),

    But then around Christmas my brother died. I don't want to go into huge detail but he took his own life after a battle with severe depression. At first we were all grieving, naturally, but recently the family has gone back to 'normal', or at least the best version of normal we can be. Except for my mum...she's lost a child, I know, and I doubt she'll ever get over it, but she's taking her grief out on me. She's started being really, really overprotective - not letting me go out without adult supervision, constantly texting me at school to check up on me and insisting on driving me everywhere, even if where I'm going is a 2 minute walk away. I could deal with all that, but now she's going back on our agreement. She's saying I have to stay in full time education until I'm 18! That's over two years away! Now, I'm well aware she can't force me into it, but you could cut the tension in our house with a knife. If I ignore her texts at school she gets really angry and cries for ages, so imagine what she'd be like if I didn't listen to her on something like this!

    Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? Preferably if you have experience with grieving parents, because I just don't even know how to talk to her about it. She thinks she's a bad mum for 'letting Jacob out of her sight' when he needed her, but all he did was move away for uni when his depression wasn't that bad. I guess she's afraid something happening to me if she doesn't control my choices (even though I don't have any MH issues) and I don't know how to get her out of that mindset.

    She is seeing someone, by the way. She's working through her issues, just very very slowly.
    Keep reminding her that she isn't a bad mother and that losing your brother is hard for you and try to gently remind her that you are okay and safe but you need to make your own choices for the sake of your happiness. This could be a long road to get better but just stay patient.
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    Isn't it the law that you have to stay in education until 18 now?
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    (Original post by lucymellor)
    Isn't it the law that you have to stay in education until 18 now?
    Technically yes, but there is no action taken against people who don't, as long as they are 16 which I will be once the next academic year starts.
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    (Original post by lucymellor)
    Isn't it the law that you have to stay in education until 18 now?
    His study into cooking negates that.
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    (Original post by balanced)
    His study into cooking negates that.
    It actually doesn't because it's not full time, but like I said earlier the law is there but it isn't enforced. And when you have a full set of A-Levels at 16 and you've been homeschooled most of your life the lines are even more blurred. Basically no-one gives a ****
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    I know how that feels...I have a helicopter parent, I think. Some days I have issues over not answering my phone on time and that freaking my parents out . Sometimes I feel if they will imagine that something is happening to me or going to happen to me or ring uni or visit me at uni, sometimes, to see if I am totally alright or why is it that I do not answer my phone on time and how much of that rigidity is it possible for a kid to follow? They (helicopter parents) even like WHOLE DAY sit on your social networks and everything and look for you in photos, and what you have been busy doing all the time! I think the best solution is to take it easy, remember to have some kind of routine in your life that both you and your parents can agree on and try to talk some sense into them sometimes by clearly highlighting how great you are and are going to be in all the things you do, like uni for me, and making sure I always make time for family, and cooking classes and the desire to pursue an acting career, for you!
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    you're 15 and you're in your last year of sixth form? ????
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    (Original post by redbluedex)
    I doubt anyone remembers but a few months ago I posted asking for advice. Basically I'm 15 and I'm in my last year of sixth form so in a couple of months I'll be done with school. My mum really wanted me to go to university or do another set of A-Levels, but I wanted to start my career in acting as quickly as possible without studying random subjects just because my mum has this idea that my age means I should be sat at a desk.

    Anyway, we were able to come to an agreement - I could pursue acting most of the time, and two evenings a week take a college class (cooking for beginners...not something I particularly care about, but more of a fun course than more education) and continue with my job (I work for my friend's dad),

    But then around Christmas my brother died. I don't want to go into huge detail but he took his own life after a battle with severe depression. At first we were all grieving, naturally, but recently the family has gone back to 'normal', or at least the best version of normal we can be. Except for my mum...she's lost a child, I know, and I doubt she'll ever get over it, but she's taking her grief out on me. She's started being really, really overprotective - not letting me go out without adult supervision, constantly texting me at school to check up on me and insisting on driving me everywhere, even if where I'm going is a 2 minute walk away. I could deal with all that, but now she's going back on our agreement. She's saying I have to stay in full time education until I'm 18! That's over two years away! Now, I'm well aware she can't force me into it, but you could cut the tension in our house with a knife. If I ignore her texts at school she gets really angry and cries for ages, so imagine what she'd be like if I didn't listen to her on something like this!

    Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? Preferably if you have experience with grieving parents, because I just don't even know how to talk to her about it. She thinks she's a bad mum for 'letting Jacob out of her sight' when he needed her, but all he did was move away for uni when his depression wasn't that bad. I guess she's afraid something happening to me if she doesn't control my choices (even though I don't have any MH issues) and I don't know how to get her out of that mindset.

    She is seeing someone, by the way. She's working through her issues, just very very slowly.
    c'mon can you see from her point of view? she just lost a kid she spent time nurturing and caring for, then the kid killed themselves so obviously the mom wants to protect anything left she has which is YOU.

    this is mean i'm sorry but you can't hang on to the past. the world moves on whether you choose to move with it or not. If you can stand it(you should be able to) ignore the texts and let her get angry and cry, otherwise she won't learn that the child(you) needs independence. This'll go one of 2 ways, make everything 20x worse or correct your mum letting her see the errors of her ways and letting you roam free and allowing her to move on in life, people die things happen.

    wat

    this is exactly what i've mentioned here in the first 2 lines, sghe's scared she could lose you so she'll protect you with everything she's got.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    you're 15 and you're in your last year of sixth form? ????
    yes
 
 
 
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