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Should I Move On With My Life?
Firstly, I have good reasons to be anonymous. Please forgive me.
This is also a hell of a lot of waffle.
Basically, I have had quite a troublesome childhood. I have seen things no child should have seen. But my interest in school pulled me through.
If I want to be truthful, my Dad has been in prison for attempted murder when I was about 6, he has been in for drink driving and various assaults. This has been the case all the way through my childhood.
He used to drink all weekend and come back violent. He's stamped on my Mum's head, spat on her, lunged towards her with a knife which narrowly escaped her head. He's smashed the house up before...and generally the list goes on.
I learnt to just deal with it. It was a regular occurrence. However, when my Dad wasn't drunk, he was, well behaved, and believe it or not, they got along very well. (Generally).
Now, my Mum stuck by him. God knows how. Now, I really don't know how I did it, but I got myself some excellent grades, and I am at a top university on a competitive course. I moved away from home (understandably).
But behind all of this, the last 3/4/5 years have been a nightmare, in terms of my Mum finally got a job after being unemployed. She hates work, all she talks about is work NON STOP. Added on top, her Mum is paralysed, after a major stroke. Her Dad is absolutely loaded and never gives her money or support. She has NO money in the bank. My Dad on the other hand has many assets, but does pay the bills. So there is tension money wise.
She changed jobs and HATES this one too. So all she does is talk about work. Her life revolves around smoking and the TV. She initiates nothing. Added to this she is quite ill with gland problems. She is negative, and in the floor.
Now the REAL issue of many, is the fact I still can't let go. I'm quite successful at the moment education wise. I have many ambitions and dreams. But my Mum, I feel for so deeply. At the same time she shouts at me, she breaks my heart, and she says I am against her. Because I try to help her with work. I try to inspire her, and give her positives. She throws it in my face. Tonight, on my birthday, she broke down and her and my Dad said they wanted to end it. My Dad is in the floor too, as she just talks about work work work work.
Now, it's so difficult for me. Because my Dad has been a full blown idiot in the past. But he gave up drink nearly two years ago, he works hard and tries. He still can be an idiot. But my Mum is draining us all with work.
What do I do? Do I just live my life now...? My Mum is just existing not living. It's breaking my heart.
Just a MASSIVE rant. As, I went to university thinking they'd grow closer. And I don't blame my mum as she's been through some mad rubbish...but at the same time, I want her to move on and up.
I feel guilty because I am successful. I am an only child by the way so I feel like I should mediate . It's so much to have on my shoulders. I feel like breaking away and still contacting them, but removing myself emotionally from my parents. I love them so deeply though.
This is also a hell of a lot of waffle.
Basically, I have had quite a troublesome childhood. I have seen things no child should have seen. But my interest in school pulled me through.
If I want to be truthful, my Dad has been in prison for attempted murder when I was about 6, he has been in for drink driving and various assaults. This has been the case all the way through my childhood.
He used to drink all weekend and come back violent. He's stamped on my Mum's head, spat on her, lunged towards her with a knife which narrowly escaped her head. He's smashed the house up before...and generally the list goes on.
I learnt to just deal with it. It was a regular occurrence. However, when my Dad wasn't drunk, he was, well behaved, and believe it or not, they got along very well. (Generally).
Now, my Mum stuck by him. God knows how. Now, I really don't know how I did it, but I got myself some excellent grades, and I am at a top university on a competitive course. I moved away from home (understandably).
But behind all of this, the last 3/4/5 years have been a nightmare, in terms of my Mum finally got a job after being unemployed. She hates work, all she talks about is work NON STOP. Added on top, her Mum is paralysed, after a major stroke. Her Dad is absolutely loaded and never gives her money or support. She has NO money in the bank. My Dad on the other hand has many assets, but does pay the bills. So there is tension money wise.
She changed jobs and HATES this one too. So all she does is talk about work. Her life revolves around smoking and the TV. She initiates nothing. Added to this she is quite ill with gland problems. She is negative, and in the floor.
Now the REAL issue of many, is the fact I still can't let go. I'm quite successful at the moment education wise. I have many ambitions and dreams. But my Mum, I feel for so deeply. At the same time she shouts at me, she breaks my heart, and she says I am against her. Because I try to help her with work. I try to inspire her, and give her positives. She throws it in my face. Tonight, on my birthday, she broke down and her and my Dad said they wanted to end it. My Dad is in the floor too, as she just talks about work work work work.
Now, it's so difficult for me. Because my Dad has been a full blown idiot in the past. But he gave up drink nearly two years ago, he works hard and tries. He still can be an idiot. But my Mum is draining us all with work.
What do I do? Do I just live my life now...? My Mum is just existing not living. It's breaking my heart.
Just a MASSIVE rant. As, I went to university thinking they'd grow closer. And I don't blame my mum as she's been through some mad rubbish...but at the same time, I want her to move on and up.I feel guilty because I am successful. I am an only child by the way so I feel like I should mediate . It's so much to have on my shoulders. I feel like breaking away and still contacting them, but removing myself emotionally from my parents. I love them so deeply though.
Reply 1
Sad story mate...and ermm..i think your parents would want you to become succesful regardless of whether you were still emotionally attached...but dont become too distant...i cant think of anything to write now...but i will do in a few minutes.
Reply 2
I felt the same way at various points over the past year; as a child I was badly beaten up by my violent step-dad, bullied emotionally and physically every day. I had a few brushes with death during this time, lost my ability to speak when I was 13, for a year, and when referred to a psychologist of sorts at age 15 I was diagnosed with having lost the capability for emotion completely.
I fought through because I wanted so much to get to uni, get an education, and make something of my life, and thankfully I managed and got away.
Since returning for a month over the summer, my Mum's apologised to me for never leaving my Dad in the thousands of times I asked, and has explained to me that he's now treating her like rubbish seeing as I'm gone. Apparently he shows no love to her (I've not heard them talk once without shouting/swearing in the three weeks I've been here), he also forces her to work as his receptionist for his business. She has no qualifications but would love to have a different job, yet he won't let her go out and get a new qualification, claiming that she's not good enough to do anything else and she'd be a waste of money for taking a course. My Mum's told me she hates her life, wants to escape or end it, but my Dad's claimed all of the family's money as his own under his business account, so she has nowhere to go, no money to escape with, and no chance of getting any money as she's not allowed to leave the house.
Obviously, this has put me in a similar position to you in the past, and though university is the first place I've ever felt happy, there was a time during the year that I was on the verge of dropping out and getting a full-time job to pay for a place for my Mum to live.
HOWEVER, I thought harder and realised that although this sounds terrible, I DO have my own life to live, and it's important that I make something of mine, as my Mum never had the chance to, and unless I'm the one to break free, it'll be a cycle which will carry on for a long time; I want to make something better for my own future, and as harsh as it seems, I can't have the family I grew up with holding me back at this stage. Obviously I do love my Mum and care about her, and it hurts me like it does you that she's just 'existing' and not living, but if I try to help out, I'll put myself into that same position.
I know it's difficult, but you need to realise that though family are important, you are your own person and you shouldn't let the decisions and choices of others destroy you, or make you feel guilty - you need to move on somehow in order to avoid being sucked in.
I fought through because I wanted so much to get to uni, get an education, and make something of my life, and thankfully I managed and got away.
Since returning for a month over the summer, my Mum's apologised to me for never leaving my Dad in the thousands of times I asked, and has explained to me that he's now treating her like rubbish seeing as I'm gone. Apparently he shows no love to her (I've not heard them talk once without shouting/swearing in the three weeks I've been here), he also forces her to work as his receptionist for his business. She has no qualifications but would love to have a different job, yet he won't let her go out and get a new qualification, claiming that she's not good enough to do anything else and she'd be a waste of money for taking a course. My Mum's told me she hates her life, wants to escape or end it, but my Dad's claimed all of the family's money as his own under his business account, so she has nowhere to go, no money to escape with, and no chance of getting any money as she's not allowed to leave the house.
Obviously, this has put me in a similar position to you in the past, and though university is the first place I've ever felt happy, there was a time during the year that I was on the verge of dropping out and getting a full-time job to pay for a place for my Mum to live.
HOWEVER, I thought harder and realised that although this sounds terrible, I DO have my own life to live, and it's important that I make something of mine, as my Mum never had the chance to, and unless I'm the one to break free, it'll be a cycle which will carry on for a long time; I want to make something better for my own future, and as harsh as it seems, I can't have the family I grew up with holding me back at this stage. Obviously I do love my Mum and care about her, and it hurts me like it does you that she's just 'existing' and not living, but if I try to help out, I'll put myself into that same position.
I know it's difficult, but you need to realise that though family are important, you are your own person and you shouldn't let the decisions and choices of others destroy you, or make you feel guilty - you need to move on somehow in order to avoid being sucked in.
Reply 3
Anonymous
I felt the same way at various points over the past year; as a child I was badly beaten up by my violent step-dad, bullied emotionally and physically every day. I had a few brushes with death during this time, lost my ability to speak when I was 13, for a year, and when referred to a psychologist of sorts at age 15 I was diagnosed with having lost the capability for emotion completely.
I fought through because I wanted so much to get to uni, get an education, and make something of my life, and thankfully I managed and got away.
Since returning for a month over the summer, my Mum's apologised to me for never leaving my Dad in the thousands of times I asked, and has explained to me that he's now treating her like rubbish seeing as I'm gone. Apparently he shows no love to her (I've not heard them talk once without shouting/swearing in the three weeks I've been here), he also forces her to work as his receptionist for his business. She has no qualifications but would love to have a different job, yet he won't let her go out and get a new qualification, claiming that she's not good enough to do anything else and she'd be a waste of money for taking a course. My Mum's told me she hates her life, wants to escape or end it, but my Dad's claimed all of the family's money as his own under his business account, so she has nowhere to go, no money to escape with, and no chance of getting any money as she's not allowed to leave the house.
Obviously, this has put me in a similar position to you in the past, and though university is the first place I've ever felt happy, there was a time during the year that I was on the verge of dropping out and getting a full-time job to pay for a place for my Mum to live.
HOWEVER, I thought harder and realised that although this sounds terrible, I DO have my own life to live, and it's important that I make something of mine, as my Mum never had the chance to, and unless I'm the one to break free, it'll be a cycle which will carry on for a long time; I want to make something better for my own future, and as harsh as it seems, I can't have the family I grew up with holding me back at this stage. Obviously I do love my Mum and care about her, and it hurts me like it does you that she's just 'existing' and not living, but if I try to help out, I'll put myself into that same position.
I know it's difficult, but you need to realise that though family are important, you are your own person and you shouldn't let the decisions and choices of others destroy you, or make you feel guilty - you need to move on somehow in order to avoid being sucked in.
I fought through because I wanted so much to get to uni, get an education, and make something of my life, and thankfully I managed and got away.
Since returning for a month over the summer, my Mum's apologised to me for never leaving my Dad in the thousands of times I asked, and has explained to me that he's now treating her like rubbish seeing as I'm gone. Apparently he shows no love to her (I've not heard them talk once without shouting/swearing in the three weeks I've been here), he also forces her to work as his receptionist for his business. She has no qualifications but would love to have a different job, yet he won't let her go out and get a new qualification, claiming that she's not good enough to do anything else and she'd be a waste of money for taking a course. My Mum's told me she hates her life, wants to escape or end it, but my Dad's claimed all of the family's money as his own under his business account, so she has nowhere to go, no money to escape with, and no chance of getting any money as she's not allowed to leave the house.
Obviously, this has put me in a similar position to you in the past, and though university is the first place I've ever felt happy, there was a time during the year that I was on the verge of dropping out and getting a full-time job to pay for a place for my Mum to live.
HOWEVER, I thought harder and realised that although this sounds terrible, I DO have my own life to live, and it's important that I make something of mine, as my Mum never had the chance to, and unless I'm the one to break free, it'll be a cycle which will carry on for a long time; I want to make something better for my own future, and as harsh as it seems, I can't have the family I grew up with holding me back at this stage. Obviously I do love my Mum and care about her, and it hurts me like it does you that she's just 'existing' and not living, but if I try to help out, I'll put myself into that same position.
I know it's difficult, but you need to realise that though family are important, you are your own person and you shouldn't let the decisions and choices of others destroy you, or make you feel guilty - you need to move on somehow in order to avoid being sucked in.
Thanks so much for that post. We are in a similar boat. I am sorry about your circumstances, though it's great you are getting on with your life.
The main issue I have is sometimes I feel I shouldn't be happy because the woman that gave bith to me isn't. I don't know where the rationale in that is! I have a great boyfriend who has softened my heart and opened me up to the finer things in life. I have a great future ahead of me, even gaining a job at a great place in the summer. And I guess I just want my parents to be happy too.
But like you said, it's *******ing hard, but I guess I should let go emotionally. I don't even know how I got my grades, and remain a stable, level-headed person, but as I am getting older, I think it is probably my turn to have some happiness. All those years, the only thing I head in my life were grades, books, paper. Now it's changed and I don't want to jeopardize it.
It's just hard when you get back from university, having changed your life, and see that the people you left behind are still in catch 22, with no progress.
Good luck with your future.
Reply 4
Anonymous
Thanks so much for that post. We are in a similar boat. I am sorry about your circumstances, though it's great you are getting on with your life.
The main issue I have is sometimes I feel I shouldn't be happy because the woman that gave bith to me isn't. I don't know where the rationale in that is! I have a great boyfriend who has softened my heart and opened me up to the finer things in life. I have a great future ahead of me, even gaining a job at a great place in the summer. And I guess I just want my parents to be happy too.
But like you said, it's *******ing hard, but I guess I should let go emotionally. I don't even know how I got my grades, and remain a stable, level-headed person, but as I am getting older, I think it is probably my turn to have some happiness. All those years, the only thing I head in my life were grades, books, paper. Now it's changed and I don't want to jeopardize it.
It's just hard when you get back from university, having changed your life, and see that the people you left behind are still in catch 22, with no progress.
Good luck with your future.
The main issue I have is sometimes I feel I shouldn't be happy because the woman that gave bith to me isn't. I don't know where the rationale in that is! I have a great boyfriend who has softened my heart and opened me up to the finer things in life. I have a great future ahead of me, even gaining a job at a great place in the summer. And I guess I just want my parents to be happy too.
But like you said, it's *******ing hard, but I guess I should let go emotionally. I don't even know how I got my grades, and remain a stable, level-headed person, but as I am getting older, I think it is probably my turn to have some happiness. All those years, the only thing I head in my life were grades, books, paper. Now it's changed and I don't want to jeopardize it.
It's just hard when you get back from university, having changed your life, and see that the people you left behind are still in catch 22, with no progress.
Good luck with your future.
Exactly, you go away, your life changes, and then you return to see that not everything's changed with you, but the fact is, as much as nothing else changes, you do have a chance to, and taking that is important. Don't feel like you shouldn't be happy though, because your Mum, as much as she's unhappy, won't want the daughter she loves to live the same way. There's no point in two lives being 'destroyed' for the sake of just one person.
Same to you, good luck with your future, it sounds like you have a great one ahead of you provided you don't your past hold you back.
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