Down and depressed

I just feel really down and depressed. For the past few years, probably mostly since Year 10 (I'm in Year 13) I've been prone to depression, but the past year, maybe two, it's been worse. Lately I've been crying most days, and I rarely go a week without crying. Normally something sets me off, like thinking about something that's worrying or upsetting me, but the other
day I just burst into tears and couldn't even say what was wrong, I just didn't know, I just had to cry.

I think the reason why it's worse at the minute is I've just finished school, which had put me on a downer, as I hate ending things and I'm not someone who wanted to leave school and go to university, I liked school, and I really don't want to go to university. Part of it might be that I'm stressed about my exam results, because to go to the uni that I would hate the least I need top grades in subjects I struggle in and I just don't think it can happen. But then again, right now I am totally lacking in motivation and I don't know if I even care about my exams right now. Feeling so down is stopping me revising, I cannot concentrate at all, I need to but I just can't do it.

I don't think I am actually clinically depressed, as some of the time I'm happy and excited about things, it's just most of the time I'm really down. Sometimes, like if I've had a good day at school with my friends, I feel really happy and positive about life, but then other times, I feel like I don't even have any mates. The other day, for example, I texted several friends to ask how they were, and not one of them texted back, nobody wants to talk to me on MSN hardly, and when they do we get past the 'how are you?' stage and then they ignore me. It's always me making the first move as well, I am always the one to text, to say hi on MSN, to send them a message on MySpace or Facebook. If I don't make the effort, then no one talks to me. It's making me think people don't actually want to be friends with me, they just put up with me. I don't see why - I'm not the life and soul of the party and I am quiet, but I always take an interest in people, I'm a good listener and I'm a pretty generous person. I'm not an amazing person but I'm generally nice.

I know this sounds really self-pitying and pathetic, and it is, I suppose, but right now, sitting down here on my own at gone 1am 'coz I'm not tired enough to sleep and feeling really lonely, I'm just feeling crappy. I don't know what to do.

My main problem right now is trying to make myself not depressed in order to get some revision done, but I don't know how to do that. Sometimes I'm ok, even earlier today I was fine, but right now I'm not. Everything just hurts and I just want to feel better.

I'm posting as anonymous because I do realise this is a bit of a pathetic thread and I don't really want people knowing I'm feeling like this, so please don't de-anon me. I feel a bit rubbish for succumbing to how crap I feel but I just needed to get this off my chest and ask for some advice. I've given out advice on here to people in similar situations but for some reason I can't practice what I preach. What can I do to get myself out of this?

Thanks for reading. Any help would be appreciated.

Reply 1

herecomestrouble

Aww hun you need a mega hug :hugs:

im sorry you are feeling so crap... it may just be hormones/stress/life changing that is causing you to feel a little low: is there someone you can talk to about your feelings? whether its family/friends or if not is there a local counselling service you could attend? that might make it all seem quite dramatic but i think (personally anyway) just talking about things and airing your feelings can help you feel better.

I think leaving school is always quite a tough and emotional time and moving onto uni is always quite daunting: espcially when you feel the pressure to get specific grades. but, as everyone always says (but i think its true) you cant do any more than try your best: and no-one is capable of revising 24-7... your brain needs a bit of a rest!

I think when you are feeling a bit down its important to ensure that you are eating well and sleeping well : as lack of both nutrition/sleep can enhance negative feelings.

Ok im sorry i feel like ive been rambling on when all i intended to do when i first started typing was to send you a huge hug! but good luck in the exams and i hope you feel a little brighter soon :love:

xxxx

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the hug :hug:

I normally talk to my mum when I'm feeling down but the other day all I could do was just cry in front of her and we didn't really sort anything out. It's kinda like I don't understand myself so I don't expect anyone else to understand me...I find it hard to verbalise my feelings.

It's a good point about sleeping...as shown by the fact I'm on here at 2am I don't have a proper sleeping pattern :frown:

, I go to bed really late and wake up really late, which means I couldn't revise properly even if I tried. I really need to, I only have a few days till exams and I really don't want to let myself or my parents or my teachers down. I guess I'm gonna try, from tomorrow night, to get to bed before midnight and wake up at a decent hour. Hopefully that'll at least be a start? Thanks for your advice. :redface:

Reply 3

warranty-ideal

Diagnosis.. teenager.

I really wouldn't worry about it. :smile:

It's a stressful time of year, and not withstanding some major trauma in your life so far.. possibly the most stressful so far. Most people will have gone through a similar experience.

I may not be the greatest socialite, but my IM wizardry usually can stretch to more meaningful conversation that "how are you?" :smile:

; and thanks to some pharmaceuticals, my modal average sleep is about 3 hours a night, open offer to PM me when half the world is asleep.

Nothing sounds broken that can't be relatively easily fixed, sometimes it just making a start, or thinking about making a start.

Chin up :smile:

Reply 4

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

When I first became depressed, I always contributed it to my problems at the time. I was at uni and miserable on my course. I thought that a transfer was what I needed. It didn't help me, instead made me face loads of fear and uncertainty. I soon became worse, but I still wasn't able to admit that I had a problem. Then I got really bad and attempted suicide. I was ill for so long after that. I had to get extenuating circumstances for my January exams, but still failed. Despite everything, however, I was too ashamed to admit that I was depressed.

It wasn't until March that I was able to admit that I had a problem, but still not the full extent. I have serious long term health problems as a result of being ashamed. I only got help because I now knew it had nothing to do with my course, despite the fact I was still facing a lot of uncertainty, as by then I had dropped out of uni.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you are not alone. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is for you to get help whilst your problem is there but not too bad. I regret not getting help earlier and don't want to see anyone else making the same stupid mistakes that I did. If you are not actually depressed then that is a good thing but if you are it will get worse if you don't get help. Maybe talk to someone who you know and trust if you would prefer, but I would recommend your GP. You won't be wasting his time and he can always say there is nothing to worry about. Or I am always on the end of a PM if you would prefer to talk to someone a bit more anonymous but who has experience.

:hugs:

Reply 5

Truman

Like the others have said, sometimes when your a teenager things can just get on top of you and you can end up feeling down when logically theres no real reason for the emotions. I hope things get better for you and drop me a personal message if you ever need someone to chat to things about. I know sometimes just telling someone how your feeling can help.

Reply 6

sweetface.

Anonymous

I am quiet, but I always take an interest in people, I'm a good listener and I'm a pretty generous person. I'm not an amazing person but I'm generally nice.