Last night Watch

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ToshTrent
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#21
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#21
Just need to pop off to the bathroom, release yeself then fall straight asleep, or pleasure yourself in your case. Or just wake up your bf and go "oi i can't sleep" he get u some food, and make ya tired.
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Homegrownkitten
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#22
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#22
(Original post by ToshTrent)
Just need to pop off to the bathroom, release yeself then fall straight asleep, or pleasure yourself in your case. Or just wake up your bf and go "oi i can't sleep" he get u some food, and make ya tired.
I didnt need the loo, and why 'pleasure yourself in your case'??? What is my case?
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Barny
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#23
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(Original post by Homegrownkitten)
I didnt need the loo, and why 'pleasure yourself in your case'??? What is my case?
I think he means, get your boyfriend to put his penis inside you.

Not sure though..
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me!
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#24
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#24
This is just stupid, everynight for the past 2/3 years I have never been able to go to sleep. Today I got up at 7:30 and today I've spent six hours running/blading/walking the dog and I still can't sleep after going to bed an hour ago...
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Kiesha
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#25
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#25
(Original post by imasillynarb)
I think he means, get your boyfriend to put his penis inside you.

Not sure though..
lol
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princessb
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#26
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#26
I think about something deeply which takes my mind off trying to go to sleep. If I'm aware I'm trying to sleep I can't sleep. Ahh confusing!
I hate sleeping in til midday then I can't sleep the next night til about 1 or 2.
I dont have any midnight poo stories, sorry.
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Homegrownkitten
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#27
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#27
(Original post by imasillynarb)
I think he means, get your boyfriend to put his penis inside you.

Not sure though..
Then why would he suggest that I pleasure myself? My bf was alseep.
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Barny
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Homegrownkitten)
Then why would he suggest that I pleasure myself? My bf was alseep.
He said wake him up, and get him to 'feed you' and 'make you tired' didnt he? :rolleyes:
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eleenia
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#29
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(Original post by Homegrownkitten)
Me and my mate were at another friends house once, her family were really posh. My mate (no, not me) did a poo in the toilet which was so long it wouldnt flush (the actual toilet pan was longer than average to start off with). It was so funny, all three of us in the bathroom giggling over this giant poo, trying to flush it down. It went down after about 10 flushes. (Btw, we were about 10 at the time)
OK i got another one .... now i'm not sure if anyone else will relate to this but it happens to me all the time...

WHEN YOU BREAK SOMETHING AT SOMEONE ELSES HOUSE.

You know, it'll be something like, they've got a dodgy showerhead or doorhandle or something and everyone in the family knows how to use it so it doesn't come off, but you don't have a clue and break it. You just don't know what to do -
my tip... Keep schtum - If they've got an ounce of manners they won't dare ask you if you did it and you're mate will cop the blame instead.

Also, the other situation i'm sure you're all familliar with, is when Mrs. Mate's Mum cooks you a lovely slap up meal and you HATE it. You try hiding the peas under the mash, spooning some under the table for the dog, stuffing some under your table matt, and maybe even catapulting some into a nearby pot plant with your spoon. But you just CAN'T get rid of the stuff. Then she asks if you want more.

My tips:
'Oooh, it's delicious but it's very filling isn't it?'
'I just remembered, i'm allergic to crockery.'
Drop the plate on the floor, Mrs. Mum will be ****ed off you've ruined her shag pile but at lease she won't be offended you hate her receipe for Marmite Cabbage.
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Homegrownkitten
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#30
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#30
(Original post by imasillynarb)
He said wake him up, and get him to 'feed you' and 'make you tired' didnt he? :rolleyes:
OH... sorry, im naive and innocent when it comes to things like that *flutters eyelids* lol
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eleenia
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Homegrownkitten)
Oh, I know what you mean. At my bf's house you can only go for a number 2 in the downstairs loo (dodgy wastepipe upstairs or something) and it is right off the livingroom (seperated by the toilet door and livingroom door). Can you imagine them hearing me. When they go I can hear them :eek: but they dont seem too bothered (you get the smell too :eek: :eek: ). It is even worse at the mo as they have just fitted a new oil boiler and the only place it can go is the downstairs loo. Because of this they have had to take the door off and are going to get a folding door, but havnt actually got a door yet. Well Im already funny about where I do number 2s... but this is taking the biscuit lol
PS We're like to peas in a pod...

my tips for taking no 2s in non-conjusive surroundings...
1) get the window open before hand. They're won't be any airfreshner, there never is, so we're talking damage limitation here.
2) Dump and flush... i mean immediately (before wipeage) that way there's less time for those particles to spread. Some call this a courtesy flush - I like that. It does mean you'll have to flush twice but that'll bide you some more time for the stench to dissipate.
3)Spend an hour or so washing those hands... again we're talking delay tactics. Also if it's a particularly fragrant soap, the air will freshen accordingly
4) find the BIGGEST towel - wave it the air like you just don't care.
5) Some say lighting a match helps too... but I'm not so sure? The combination of fire and methane doesn't sound to healthy to me but i'll leave that up to you x
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theaman
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#32
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#32
Have you ever heard of the phrase "too much information"?
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Homegrownkitten
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#33
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#33
(Original post by eleenia)
PS We're like to peas in a pod...

my tips for taking no 2s in non-conjusive surroundings...
1) get the window open before hand. They're won't be any airfreshner, there never is, so we're talking damage limitation here.
2) Dump and flush... i mean immediately (before wipeage) that way there's less time for those particles to spread. Some call this a courtesy flush - I like that. It does mean you'll have to flush twice but that'll bide you some more time for the stench to dissipate.
3)Spend an hour or so washing those hands... again we're talking delay tactics. Also if it's a particularly fragrant soap, the air will freshen accordingly
4) find the BIGGEST towel - wave it the air like you just don't care.
5) Some say lighting a match helps too... but I'm not so sure? The combination of fire and methane doesn't sound to healthy to me but i'll leave that up to you x
Wow, you are a star... where do you get these from?
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SamTheMan
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#34
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#34
(Original post by John Paul Jones)
i hate it when you can't stop going to the toilet
Yep that's annoying. Ever heard of the 3 old pensioners having a drink?
The first one says "I wish I could take a good dump for once. I haven't been able to go to the loo properly for several years.".
The second one has a similar problem: "If only I could just take a leak without it ****ing hurting. I haven't had a proper leak for several years".
The third one says, "That's funny. I've never had your problems. Every morning, at 7am I make the hugest crap ever seen to man and then I piss several litres...".
The first two start to envy the third pensioner who then finishes off his sentence:
"...If only I could get out of bed before 8am".
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theaman
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#35
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(Original post by SamTheMan)
Yep that's annoying. Ever heard of the 3 old pensioners having a drink?
The first one says "I wish I could take a good dump for once. I haven't been able to go to the loo properly for several years.".
The second one has a similar problem: "If only I could just take a leak without it ****ing hurting. I haven't had a proper leak for several years".
The third one says, "That's funny. I've never had your problems. Every morning, at 7am I make the hugest crap ever seen to man and then I piss several litres...".
The first two start to envy the third pensioner who then finishes off his sentence:
"...If only I could get out of bed before 8am".
Yep, heard it - but still a classic!
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eleenia
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#36
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#36
(Original post by Homegrownkitten)
Wow, you are a star... where do you get these from?
Erm, I've stayed at a lot of people's houses I guess! I think i'm gonna write a book called 'The Good Houseguest Guide' - whaddya think?

And to that last guy... obviously I'm gonna put a note on conversation etiquette in there... 'never share your toilet habits with complete strangers'.
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Amb1
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#37
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#37
(Original post by eleenia)
PS We're like to peas in a pod...

my tips for taking no 2s in non-conjusive surroundings...
1) get the window open before hand. They're won't be any airfreshner, there never is, so we're talking damage limitation here.
2) Dump and flush... i mean immediately (before wipeage) that way there's less time for those particles to spread. Some call this a courtesy flush - I like that. It does mean you'll have to flush twice but that'll bide you some more time for the stench to dissipate.
3)Spend an hour or so washing those hands... again we're talking delay tactics. Also if it's a particularly fragrant soap, the air will freshen accordingly
4) find the BIGGEST towel - wave it the air like you just don't care.
5) Some say lighting a match helps too... but I'm not so sure? The combination of fire and methane doesn't sound to healthy to me but i'll leave that up to you x
6) Screw up some toilet paper and put it in the loo before you do the biz (not too much - you don't want to block the toilet), try and get it to cover the water, then it will act as a shock absorber for any 'plop' noise and prevent possible splashback.
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Amb1
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#38
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#38
I hate it when you're in a situation where there's only a teeny bit of toilet paper left on the roll, and there's not a spare one in any of the cupboards!!! What do you do then?

And if there's not much left and no spare in sight, should you limit the number of sheets to leave some on the roll or is it ok to use it all (even when you don't really need it)?
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ruthiepoothie
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#39
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#39
(Original post by Amb1)
6) Screw up some toilet paper and put it in the loo before you do the biz (not too much - you don't want to block the toilet), try and get it to cover the water, then it will act as a shock absorber for any 'plop' noise and prevent possible splashback.
genius!!

my friend who went to uni in september said this is one thing she really hates about her shared flat- the toliet walls are very thin and everyone can hear everything you do!!
she couldn't actually go for a 'number 2' for a few weeks in the flat cos she was so scared!!

I think a guidebook would be fab!!

Ruthie xx
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ruthiepoothie
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#40
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#40
(Original post by Amb1)
I hate it when you're in a situation where there's only a teeny bit of toilet paper left on the roll, and there's not a spare one in any of the cupboards!!! What do you do then?

And if there's not much left and no spare in sight, should you limit the number of sheets to leave some on the roll or is it ok to use it all (even when you don't really need it)?
ALWAYS carry tissues on you at ALL TIMES- especially when using a public toilet....then you never have to worry
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