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Improving the English of this sentence? watch

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    Kdlfkksdmf
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    First sentence:*Out of to avoid repetition
    Second*sentence:*From (for variation), omit 'nearly' (not necessary), respectively (sounds more formal)...
    Hope that helps, just what i think, im not an english teacher or anything....
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    (Original post by justbeu)
    First sentence:*Out of to avoid repetition
    Second*sentence:*From (for variation), omit 'nearly' (not necessary), respectively (sounds more formal)...
    Hope that helps, just what i think, im not an english teacher or anything....
    Thanks very much. I know the 'nearly' doesn't sound right but if i get rid of the word it's not actually correct. Because it's not one third, it's almost one third.
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    (Original post by dylantombides)
    Thanks very much. I know the 'nearly' doesn't sound right but if i get rid of the word it's not actually correct. Because it's not one third, it's almost one third.
    Hah, its an english essay, not a maths one i promise you, the teacher wont get that concerned... Or is it for coursework??
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    (Original post by justbeu)
    Hah, its an english essay, not a maths one i promise you, the teacher wont get that concerned... Or is it for coursework??
    It's a university dissertation! I know it's not maths but i still think it could be wrong?

    Maybe a second opinion will be useful? And a second opinion with the general questions in the OP? Thanks
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    (Original post by dylantombides)
    It's a university dissertation! I know it's not maths but i still think it could be wrong?

    Maybe a second opinion will be useful? And a second opinion with the general questions in the OP? Thanks
    Yep kk, im only a level so i think this is a bit above me 🙈 sorry😕
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    (Original post by dylantombides)
    Ok it's actually 2 sentences but:
    1) Which of the bold words is the most appropriate?
    - From/out of
    - respectively/each
    2) Is the word 'nearly' in the second sentence out of place?
    3) Any other ways to improve the sentence? Eg improve the grammar, punctuation, vocabulary, syntax structure?

    From/Out of the 30 editorial pieces, nearly two thirds were from broadsheet newspapers (19 articles), split between The Times (11) and The Guardian (8). The remaining nearly one third were from tabloid newspapers (11 articles), split between The Sun (9) and The Mirror (10) respectively/each.
    Out of the 30 editorial pieces, nearly two thirds were from broadsheet newspapers (19 articles), split between The Times (11) and The Guardian (8). The remaining third were from tabloid newspapers (11 articles), split between The Sun (9) and The Mirror (10) respectively.

    That's what I'd put it as, for your second opinion.

    Hope it all goes well!

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    (Original post by dylantombides)
    From/Out of the 30 editorial pieces, nearly two thirds were from broadsheet newspapers (19 articles), split between The Times (11) and The Guardian (8). The remaining nearly one third were from tabloid newspapers (11 articles), split between The Sun (9) and The Mirror (10) respectively/each.
    Firstly the maths doesn't add up;
    It says: "from/out of the 30 editorial pieces, nearly two thirds were from broadsheet newspapers (19 articles)"
    There are 30 articles total; 1/3 of 30 = 10, 2/3 of 30 = 20.
    Therefore the statement of 19 articles being "nearly two thirds" is correct, just as the total of the numbers are correct: "split between The Times (11) and The Guardian (8)" 11+8=19

    Now here's where it goes off rails;
    "The remaining nearly one third were from tabloid newspapers (11 articles)"
    Both "The remaining nearly one third" & "The remaining one third" are incorrect.
    There are 11 articles left, 1/3 of 30 = 10, so 11 is not "nearly one third" or "one third". Technically it should be "over one third".

    Then the *important* next bit;
    There are 11 articles, yet they are "split between The Sun (9) and The Mirror (10)" 10+9=19 (not 11).

    It just doesn't make sense :-)




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