unhealthy obsessional relationship

i've become increasingly close to a girl at college (i'm also female) -and we spend our break and lunch times together and we always go out together to a party or something (as in we'll arrange to meet up first). it's ever since i met her that i first questioned my sexuality as i was sure that the way i felt about her was more than just friends, and over time, i realised that i was in love with her.

not being heterosexual doesn't worry or concern me in the slightest- i fall for who i fall - regardless of their gender and i've no qualms about that. my friend found out that i was madly in love with her though, and i was really surprised by how well she handled it. she basically reassured me that there were no hard feelings and she saw no reason why it would affect our friendship and things were pretty good between us for ages (she found out about 3 months ago). anyway, since then i've told her that i'd got my feelings confused and that i'd mistaken our really close friendship for something else, that i'm not really 'in love' with her, but i do love her as a friend.

however, recently she's being really off with me, and i've no idea why. it could be the upcoming exams because we both need really high grades for uni but that's no reason for her to be so off with me? she could just say to me that she's feeling the pressure from exams a bit - but instead it feels as though she's persecuting me for some reason.
i also very recently found out that she's been having problems with eating, and i had a period of 2 years where i was anorexic/bulimic so maybe this has something to do with it?

i just can't seem to get her out of my head, i love her so much and all i want is for her to be happy. i can't revise properly because i can't stop thinking about her and it physically hurts when i think that she's not talking to me properly or that i may have done something wrong.
i'd literally do anything for her- to make sure she's ok and happy. i'd sacrifice my own well-being for her, and to an extent i already have.

this surely can't be healthy?

Reply 1

Malik24

You care for her very deeply and that's admirable. Remember that you have your own life to live though, don't go overboard.

If she doesn't want to share her problems, you can't force her. Don't be too pushy unless you're absolutely sure she's hiding something bad. The exam period can affect all of us badly, get us tetchy, and bring up problems you wouldn't expect.

If you feel she is persecuting you then it's not really clearcut why, it could be a number of things from as you say your eating disorder problems in the past, the exams (maybe she feels you're a bad influence) or just she has another friend. It could also be something else she's hiding as a defensive measure.

Maybe you could have a talk to her about it sometime, just a friendly chat, see if you can clear the air?

Reply 2

glitterati

How did she react when you told her that you're not 'in love' with her?

Reply 3

randomgirl

14

How recently did you say that you'd been confused and were not in love with her? Maybe it's that.

Or maybe it is just exam stress.

Or maybe an unrelated reason. Has she just suddenly started being off with you? Or has it been gradual?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

randomgirl

How recently did you say that you'd been confused and were not in love with her? Maybe it's that.

Or maybe it is just exam stress.

Or maybe an unrelated reason. Has she just suddenly started being off with you? Or has it been gradual?

i told her in a drunken conversation about a couple of months ago that i'd got my feelings confused, so i'm sure it can't be that - and besides, shouldn't that be a relief rather than a reason to be really funny with me?

we're all going through exam stress, and although it does affect different people in different ways, it feels as though she's actively being difficult with me rather than just being quiet or stressed.

How did she react when you told her that you're not 'in love' with her?

she was fine, i just explained that we'd become really good friends really fast and that was the reason that i'd confused my feelings- mind, we were both a bit drunk. but like i said - i thought that's be more a relief than anything.

Reply 5

*Katie*

1

If you think it's really affecting your upcoming exams, then I'd ask her about it if you think it'll help - I personally am avoiding an issue which I know will affect me hugely until after my exams because I know that either way it'll affect me, and ignoring it isn't making the problem worse.
Maybe it is just stress? I've been off with people for really small reasons that just seem to be a lot more important when you become stressed. Good luck :smile:

unhealthy obsessional relationship

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