Living life on the edge: Me and my crazy life

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    Living life on the edge - Me and my crazy life

    Hello everyone, I've decided that I'm gonna do a blog about my experiences with
    OCD
    Bullying
    Being Extremely Quiet and how I've managed it
    Along with some other items along the way.

    I hope everyone enjoys reading my blog as much as I enjoy writing it. I've had lots of inspiration from certain TSR members which gave me the idea to start a blog. I've realized (with help from others) that there are people out there who are going through similar issues but are afraid to talk about them publicly. I therefore want to be open about my experiences so that others can realize that they're not alone in this.
    I hope you enjoy it. It's my first time at this so I apologise if it's rubbish.

    Today's post will be about OCD. It's a mental illness which I myself suffer from and it is often overlooked by many as a minor issue. I can assure you right now that OCD is no joke. Around 1 in 10 people suffer from this condition which stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The obsessive part is when we get extreme thoughts that something bad will happen if we don't carry out a ritual that we need to in order to feel normal again. We get an urge to do something to put this irrational thought out of our minds. For example: If I don't wash my hands after using public transport, I will get horrendously I'll. Now lots of people use public transport daily and do they get ill from it. No. But we can't help but feel this way. We have to do it to relieve the anxiety we experience. The reason I used this example is because I experience issues with being clean (explained below) so I understand what is going on. Compulsive: These are the rituals that we have to do in order to put these thoughts to bed. If these rituals are not carried out, the anxiety experienced from the lack of carrying out the rituals increases until either you carry out the ritual or you wait it out long enough for it to die down. That brings me on to fighting OCD. There are not many ways to get rid of OCD and it's 100% impossible to remove it completely from someone. Everyone has some form of OCD. It can range from checking you locked the door a few times to constantly washing your hands in fear of getting ill.

    This bit is from Ethereal Worlds blog! It's the only way I can think to explain it really.
    Im currently experiencing two OCD problems. One of them is a cleaning issue, the other is intrusive thoughts that are relevant to a bad experience I had when I had a part time job.
    My cleaning issue is rather complex and I don't know of anyone else who has experienced it like this. Here goes. When I touch something that I don't consider clean (most things that I don't own) then I get a feeling on that part of my body. The feeling is like I've got something on me (like if you got some water on you, you would feel it). If I then touch something else, it will then spread to that. The only way to remove the feeling is by washing that area of my body with soap or hand sanitiser. I get through around 3-4 bottles of Hand Sanitiser a week.
    Certain places will affect my whole body. College is the main place that does. So if I go to college, I will get this feeling all over my body and I can't get rid of it until I have a shower. After I shower everyday, the only thing I can do without getting this feeling on me is to get into bed. I even have to wash my feet before getting into bed. It sucks hardcore!!! Now the worst thing that I can touch is anything from the supermarket where I worked for 6 months before they got rid of me (much to my relief). It was awful!!
    But I can't touch anything from there without feeling like anything I touch will just bubble up like I'm made from acid or something. I literally can't do anything once that happens except for wash again.

    Now on to the thoughts. I know lots of people have intrusive thoughts about things they find disturbing. My thoughts are more about personal experiences that have been awful for me. The worst thoughts are about the supermarket job I had. If I hear/see the name of that company, I get strange feelings inside of my head (yes inside of it) and the only way to remove it is to repeat a phrase I've come up with (I have no idea where it came from but it works). I'm not gonna share it because it's rather embarrassing and everyone will laugh. But I have to repeat it over and over a certain amount of times in a certain way. If I do it wrong then I have to repeat it until i say it correctly. What I mean by that is, sometimes it will sound different to what it's supposed to. I have to get it a outlet right for it to work correctly.
    Related to this is an issue I have with words (yes words). Once I've finished reading or watching something, I will have to look at a word that isn't related in any way to my experiences and stare at it until I'm satisfied I can look away without having these bad thoughts. If I look away and it's not right, I will immediately get these thoughts in my head until I look at the word again. It can take a while for it to look right for me. I've spent up to 90mins looking at a word before (several times) before I'm satisfied. It's a bummer because that's now 90mins of my day wasted thanks to OCD.

    If you're still reading, I hope you have now realised that OCD is nothing to joke about. I never knew it was this bad until I experienced it myself for the first time around 2 years ago now. It was set off by the stress from my GCSE's. I was scared by it. I didn't know what was happening to me and why it was happening. All I knew was that something was wrong but I kept it quiet. Unfortunately that was a horrendous mistake. I could live with my issues then but then I got a job. This is where things went sour quickly. I worked there for 6 months before being let go (I was about to quit). My OCD went from manageable to completely out of ****ing control. I couldn't handle it anymore. It had taken over my life and was controlling me. I was housebound at this point. I couldn't go out anywhere without looking like an idiot because I was experiencing extreme difficulty. My showers went up to around 1-1.5 hours! I was using full bottles of shampoo and shower gel in one shower just so I could sleep in my bed. Eventually all this washing made my body really saw. I couldn't take it anymore and decided to just sleep on the floor. My parents bought an air bed for me to sleep on. I was able to wash less in the shower, heal my body and relieve some of the stress I was under.
    Two months later I realised that I would get back in bed so I did!!
    I had just started my first round of therapy at this point and was super excited by it!! I slept for ages. It was the best feeling ever!

    I realise this I quite long so I'll shorten the end part down a bit.
    I've been through two rounds of therapy (one private and one with the NHS. There was an 8 month waiting list for the NHS btw).
    I'm still not 100% but I'm a damn sight better than the mess I was before.

    Next time: Experiences of being bullied as an adult at college.

    I thought I'd organized it a bit, but the posts are a bit all over the place. So just read them how you want to, if you want to!

    Bonus Post: OCD Part 2 http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...4022047&page=3

    Bullying Intro: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...4022047&page=4

    Guest Post: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...4022047&page=6

    Bullying Part 2: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...4022047&page=7

    Update On My Condition: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...4022047&page=8

    OCD Part 3: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...4022047&page=8

    Having No Friends: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...4022047&page=9

    Dealing With Bullying: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...022047&page=10

    How OCD Changes You: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...022047&page=12

    Proving TSR Isn't A Waste Of Time: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...022047&page=12

    The Final Encore: http://vocaroo.com/i/s1UMiQZ122VA
    Btw It's Me Speaking
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Ethereal World, AthiaKarim, FrenchUnicorn, Amellia123, Blondie987, The_Lonely_Goatherd, ForestShadow, User947387, Indeterminate, ZuluK, Leviathan1741, z33, ravioliyears.
    Just tagged everyone who responded to my previous thread and a couple of others
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    Thanks so much for tagging me! And thanks for opening up about your OCD, it must be hard opening up about such things and experiences. Can't wait for more :hugs:
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    Wow! Good read! I hope you start to manage it better!

    How often will you be posting?
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    FireFreezer77 This was a really interesting post! Would appreciate to read the next posts!!
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    Thank you for tagging me, it was a very interesting read! I'm so glad you're doing better now! Hopefully by writing about these issues, you'll encourage others who might be experiencing similar things to open up and seek help too
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    FireFreezer77 I told you it would be amazing thanks for tagging me !!
    It was a really good read as I said on Emma's blog , and you are brave to share your experience with us ! Thanks for that , and I look forward to read more
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    (Original post by ravioliyears)
    Thanks so much for tagging me! And thanks for opening up about your OCD, it must be hard opening up about such things and experiences. Can't wait for more :hugs:
    Its ok!
    It wasnt easy but i felt it should be done!
    Thanks. Appreciate it!
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    (Original post by FailedMyMocks)
    Wow! Good read! I hope you start to manage it better!

    How often will you be posting?
    Thanks! Appreciate it! Me too. Im getting therr but theres still a little way to go yet

    Once a week with the occasional post inbetween!
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    (Original post by homeland.lsw)
    FireFreezer77 This was a really interesting post! Would appreciate to read the next posts!!
    Thankyou!!
    Ok ill tag in the next one! Thanks for reading!!
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    (Original post by Leviathan1741)
    Thank you for tagging me, it was a very interesting read! I'm so glad you're doing better now! Hopefully by writing about these issues, you'll encourage others who might be experiencing similar things to open up and seek help too
    Its ok, i thought you might be interested in this.
    Thankyou!!!
    I hope so. Its hard to open up about these sort of things so hopefully others will realize theyre not alone in this!!
    Thanks for reading!
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    FireFreezer77 I told you it would be amazing thanks for tagging me !!
    It was a really good read as I said on Emma's blog , and you are brave to share your experience with us ! Thanks for that , and I look forward to read more
    You did indeed!
    Why thankyou!! I thought i should let it out instead of keeping it bottled up. It will hopefully help others too!
    Thanks for reading! I hope you like the next one too!!!!
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Its ok, i thought you might be interested in this.
    Thankyou!!!
    I hope so. Its hard to open up about these sort of things so hopefully others will realize theyre not alone in this!!
    Thanks for reading!
    You're welcome
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    You did indeed!
    Why thankyou!! I thought i should let it out instead of keeping it bottled up. It will hopefully help others too!
    Thanks for reading! I hope you like the next one too!!!!
    Pretty sure you can help a lot of people and become yourself an inspiration :yep:
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Living life on the edge - Me and my crazy life

    Hello everyone, I've decided that I'm gonna do a blog about my experiences with
    OCD
    Bullying
    Being Extremely Quiet and how I've managed it
    Along with some other items along the way.

    I hope everyone enjoys reading my blog as much as I enjoy writing it. I've had lots of inspiration from certain TSR members which gave me the idea to start a blog. I've realized (with help from others) that there are people out there who are going through similar issues but are afraid to talk about them publicly. I therefore want to be open about my experiences so that others can realize that they're not alone in this.
    I hope you enjoy it. It's my first time at this so I apologise if it's rubbish.

    Today's post will be about OCD. It's a mental illness which I myself suffer from and it is often overlooked by many as a minor issue. I can assure you right now that OCD is no joke. Around 1 in 10 people suffer from this condition which stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The obsessive part is when we get extreme thoughts that something bad will happen if we don't carry out a ritual that we need to in order to feel normal again. We get an urge to do something to put this irrational thought out of our minds. For example: If I don't wash my hands after using public transport, I will get horrendously I'll. Now lots of people use public transport daily and do they get ill from it. No. But we can't help but feel this way. We have to do it to relieve the anxiety we experience. The reason I used this example is because I experience issues with being clean (explained below) so I understand what is going on. Compulsive: These are the rituals that we have to do in order to put these thoughts to bed. If these rituals are not carried out, the anxiety experienced from the lack of carrying out the rituals increases until either you carry out the ritual or you wait it out long enough for it to die down. That brings me on to fighting OCD. There are not many ways to get rid of OCD and it's 100% impossible to remove it completely from someone. Everyone has some form of OCD. It can range from checking you locked the door a few times to constantly washing your hands in fear of getting ill.

    This bit is from Ethereal Worlds blog! It's the only way I can think to explain it really.
    Im currently experiencing two OCD problems. One of them is a cleaning issue, the other is intrusive thoughts that are relevant to a bad experience I had when I had a part time job.
    My cleaning issue is rather complex and I don't know of anyone else who has experienced it like this. Here goes. When I touch something that I don't consider clean (most things that I don't own) then I get a feeling on that part of my body. The feeling is like I've got something on me (like if you got some water on you, you would feel it). If I then touch something else, it will then spread to that. The only way to remove the feeling is by washing that area of my body with soap or hand sanitiser. I get through around 3-4 bottles of Hand Sanitiser a week.
    Certain places will affect my whole body. College is the main place that does. So if I go to college, I will get this feeling all over my body and I can't get rid of it until I have a shower. After I shower everyday, the only thing I can do without getting this feeling on me is to get into bed. I even have to wash my feet before getting into bed. It sucks hardcore!!! Now the worst thing that I can touch is anything from the supermarket where I worked for 6 months before they got rid of me (much to my relief). It was awful!!
    But I can't touch anything from there without feeling like anything I touch will just bubble up like I'm made from acid or something. I literally can't do anything once that happens except for wash again.

    Now on to the thoughts. I know lots of people have intrusive thoughts about things they find disturbing. My thoughts are more about personal experiences that have been awful for me. The worst thoughts are about the supermarket job I had. If I hear/see the name of that company, I get strange feelings inside of my head (yes inside of it) and the only way to remove it is to repeat a phrase I've come up with (I have no idea where it came from but it works). I'm not gonna share it because it's rather embarrassing and everyone will laugh. But I have to repeat it over and over a certain amount of times in a certain way. If I do it wrong then I have to repeat it until i say it correctly. What I mean by that is, sometimes it will sound different to what it's supposed to. I have to get it a outlet right for it to work correctly.
    Related to this is an issue I have with words (yes words). Once I've finished reading or watching something, I will have to look at a word that isn't related in any way to my experiences and stare at it until I'm satisfied I can look away without having these bad thoughts. If I look away and it's not right, I will immediately get these thoughts in my head until I look at the word again. It can take a while for it to look right for me. I've spent up to 90mins looking at a word before (several times) before I'm satisfied. It's a bummer because that's now 90mins of my day wasted thanks to OCD.

    If you're still reading, I hope you have now realised that OCD is nothing to joke about. I never knew it was this bad until I experienced it myself for the first time around 2 years ago now. It was set off by the stress from my GCSE's. I was scared by it. I didn't know what was happening to me and why it was happening. All I knew was that something was wrong but I kept it quiet. Unfortunately that was a horrendous mistake. I could live with my issues then but then I got a job. This is where things went sour quickly. I worked there for 6 months before being let go (I was about to quit). My OCD went from manageable to completely out of ****ing control. I couldn't handle it anymore. It had taken over my life and was controlling me. I was housebound at this point. I couldn't go out anywhere without looking like an idiot because I was experiencing extreme difficulty. My showers went up to around 1-1.5 hours! I was using full bottles of shampoo and shower gel in one shower just so I could sleep in my bed. Eventually all this washing made my body really saw. I couldn't take it anymore and decided to just sleep on the floor. My parents bought an air bed for me to sleep on. I was able to wash less in the shower, heal my body and relieve some of the stress I was under.
    Two months later I realised that I would get back in bed so I did!!
    I had just started my first round of therapy at this point and was super excited by it!! I slept for ages. It was the best feeling ever!

    I realise this I quite long so I'll shorten the end part down a bit.
    I've been through two rounds of therapy (one private and one with the NHS. There was an 8 month waiting list for the NHS btw).
    I'm still not 100% but I'm a damn sight better than the mess I was before.

    Next time: Experiences of being bullied as an adult at college.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Ethereal World, AthiaKarim, FrenchUnicorn, Amellia123, Blondie987, The_Lonely_Goatherd, ForestShadow, User947387, Indeterminate, ZuluK, Leviathan1741, z33, ravioliyears.
    Just tagged everyone who responded to my previous thread and a couple of others
    Hope it works out for yeh mate!
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    (Original post by trustmeimlying1)
    Hope it works out for yeh mate!
    Thanks!!
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Pretty sure you can help a lot of people and become yourself an inspiration :yep:
    I hope so!
    That would be really cool if that could happen!
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    I hope so!
    That would be really cool if that could happen!
    Yessss :3
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    Really good blog and well written! Good on you for speaking out about this! I believe that I suffer from mild OCD and one of my friends has had quite severe OCD in the past (he still suffers from it, but I don't think it's as bad as before), so I know the effect that it can have! Really hope you are able to control it and manage it better in the coming future! :hugs:
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    (Original post by moment of truth)
    Really good blog and well written! Good on you for speaking out about this! I believe that I suffer from mild OCD and one of my friends has had quite severe OCD in the past (he still suffers from it, but I don't think it's as bad as before), so I know the effect that it can have! Really hope you are able to control it and manage it better in the coming future! :hugs:
    Thanks, i appreciate it!! Thank you foe reading it!!
    I felt it was time to speak out!
    Ah hopefully you can get that sorted!!
    OCD is not a nice thing to have. I feel symapthy for your friend as it makes life tricky! Its surpising how bad it can get at times.
    Thanks!!
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    This was so interesting to read! I haven't met or known anyone with OCD- so I feel that this blog is very educational and an eye opener of how it's like, living with OCD!

    so glad that you're able to explain OCD and share your experiences with us!! Can't wait to read the next blog!!
 
 
 
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