Inappropriate friendship

I'm very very good friends with my ex boyfriend. We see each other a lot (I'm the person he sees most during term time) and are very close. One month ago he got back together with a different ex girlfriend (when he was with her before, he did cheat on her with me before ending it to go out with me). I am really happy for him, and although it hurt first of all, our friendship is stronger than ever (closer than when we were together) and I've moved on. Two days before he got back with his girlfriend, him and I spent the night together (no sex just pulling etc). But, some aspects of our friendship never changed from when we were going out to now, eg he rings me about things he should really be discussing with his girlfriend and we're still quite touchy feely. Last night in a club I ended up with a guy and my ex was also there, a close mutual friend of ours told me that he got very very jealous of me with this other guy.

So I'm wondering at what stage does a friendship become inappropriate with a friend of the opposite sex who has a partner?

We have discussed going away just me and him over the summer as his summer holiday and whilst I would love to go away with him (as he is one of my best friends) I'm just wondering whether its really appropriate?

Reply 1

nxyssg

No, its not really at all appropriate

Reply 2

Evil Phoenix

2

hmm it's weird... one of those "grey area" relationships.... just draw a line and dont cross it or someone's gonna get confused and hurt

Reply 3

Chewwy

17

really not appropriate.

Reply 4

cpj1987

15

I think this really depends on whose interests you have in mind.
As for you, as long as you're going away just as friends, it's appropriate; but something I think is much more important is whether or not his current girlfriend will see this as appropriate? I certainly wouldn't.

Reply 5

Tag

8

well i think you stepped over the line ages ago when he was cheating on his girlfriend with you. And the fact that he has a girlfriend now but the two of you are planning on going away together, and still 'pull' each other, is, by my terms, completely unacceptable. Just step away.

Reply 6

username47781

20

Tag

well i think you stepped over the line ages ago when he was cheating on his girlfriend with you. And the fact that he has a girlfriend now but the two of you are planning on going away together, and still 'pull' each other, is, by my terms, completely unacceptable. Just step away.

I agree it sounds as if he just wants his cake and eat it.

Reply 7

bunthulhu

14

Let me get this straight.

He's cheating on his girlfriend with you, and you're wondering if it's appropriate?

Is it ****!

Move on.

Reply 8

shona

10

*Sunflower*

I'm very very good friends with my ex boyfriend. We see each other a lot (I'm the person he sees most during term time) and are very close. One month ago he got back together with a different ex girlfriend (when he was with her before, he did cheat on her with me before ending it to go out with me). I am really happy for him, and although it hurt first of all, our friendship is stronger than ever (closer than when we were together) and I've moved on. Two days before he got back with his girlfriend, him and I spent the night together (no sex just pulling etc). But, some aspects of our friendship never changed from when we were going out to now, eg he rings me about things he should really be discussing with his girlfriend and we're still quite touchy feely. Last night in a club I ended up with a guy and my ex was also there, a close mutual friend of ours told me that he got very very jealous of me with this other guy.

So I'm wondering at what stage does a friendship become inappropriate with a friend of the opposite sex who has a partner?

We have discussed going away just me and him over the summer as his summer holiday and whilst I would love to go away with him (as he is one of my best friends) I'm just wondering whether its really appropriate?

Do you have any idea how you're making his girlfriend feel?

If you truly want your 'friend' to be happy, you'd back off and let him have a chance at happiness with this girl he's seeing right now. If you keep crossing the line, you are going to end up sabotaging their relationship.

She was his ex once for a reason, maybe they'll break up again. But you shouldn't be the reason for why they break up... especially a second time.

Reply 9

*Sunflower*

OP

Tag

well i think you stepped over the line ages ago when he was cheating on his girlfriend with you. And the fact that he has a girlfriend now but the two of you are planning on going away together, and still 'pull' each other, is, by my terms, completely unacceptable. Just step away.

We are not still pulling each other, we did so when we were both single just before he got back with her. He is not cheating on her with me, that instance was a year ago. It was his suggestion to go away together and it is him who insists on hugging, I frequently stop him and I just wanted to know whether I was doing the right thing by stopping or whether i was over reacting.

Reply 10

bunthulhu

14

I see. Well he's obviously still not over you, so going away together is not a good idea.

Reply 11

username47781

20

*Sunflower*

We are not still pulling each other, we did so when we were both single just before he got back with her. He is not cheating on her with me, that instance was a year ago. It was his suggestion to go away together and it is him who insists on hugging, I frequently stop him and I just wanted to know whether I was doing the right thing by stopping or whether i was over reacting.

So why is he taking you away on holiday and not his girlfriend. What's to stop him trying it on while he is on holiday with you. Basically he wants the best of both worlds.

Reply 12

randomgirl

14

If he has a girlfriend, it's inappropriate.

If you were both single, it'd be a damn sight less inappropriate.

Reply 13

username47781

20

she asked a similar question some time ago http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=325199

Reply 14

campaign Of Hate

well, I dunno is it reli that bad, but I am a good bit younger than you and I mean at 21 things are different, it would also depend how serious the other relationship was, it may not be the best idea 2 go on a holiday with him, but hey if he is In a relationship would his partner not have a problem with the two of you (I suppose she would be right!). If not then I dunno, why doesn't she?

Im thinkin more and more that it is inappropriate.

its one huge grey area!

Reply 15

ells_bells

i know the feelin, my ex and i broke up and he went traveling for 6 months and since hes coem back we get on better than ever, tho now he has a gf who lives in canada, im gutted. weve spoken bout sleepin together but dont know if we can but we want to. ive had to say that we have to bite it and just be friends, otherwise well end up hurtin ourselves and the other ppl involved and thats quite selfish, if u can be jsut friends do it otherwise let it go

Inappropriate friendship

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