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Help, I'm OCD about catching sti's but to what extent am I being irrational? watch

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    Im in my late twenties and my boyfriend is older than me (won't say how old as it doesn't matter lol) and throughout his life has had over 30 relationships. I like him, have had a crush on him for years but I can't help worrying about catching sti's. I mentioned us getting tested several times but he says he was tested a few years ago and is clean. Although I've said that I would like us to get tested I haven't had the assertiveness to insist on this and instead Im avoidant of sex even with a condom. He thinks I am frigid but I'm worried about catching something with him having had that many partners. He said that he doesn't usually use a condom as he 'knew' his past partners were clean/not promiscuous so I don't really trust his judgement fully. Only STI testing would reassure me however this is where I feel I'm being OCD .. it wouldn't reassure me fully.

    The problem is even if we got tested I would still be worried about sex with a condom and catching hpv and genital herpes. Evidence suggests that having sex with someone who has had sex with many multiple partners increases the risk of hpv. He gets cold sores and everytime he gets one I avoid kissing him and seeing him (in case he tries to kiss me) until it has gone away. I did mention to him once that we shouldn't kiss with a cold sore and he said that once it has scanned over it is fine but still I'd prefer to wait till its completely gone but at the same time don't want him to think I'm being over the top (which I can be). I know they don't test for herpes and hpv in sti tests as the viruses are so common and most people don't get cancer from it. Still it doesn't stop me worrying and after kissing at the end of the day I will rinse my mouth and worry a little about getting oral hpv (apparently it could be transmitted this way according to studies). He has had oral sex with many women (as many people do) and I do feel I'm being OCD about all this but I can't help it. It stops me from wanting to kiss him and instead I just want to break away and go and wipe my mouth. I've read horror stories about oral hpv and know people who have had cervical cancer.

    I just wanted some opinions I guess, I'm not the best at relationships as I've been single for a while before this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im in my late twenties and my boyfriend is older than me (won't say how old as it doesn't matter lol) and throughout his life has had over 30 relationships. I like him, have had a crush on him for years but I can't help worrying about catching sti's. I mentioned us getting tested several times but he says he was tested a few years ago and is clean. Although I've said that I would like us to get tested I haven't had the assertiveness to insist on this and instead Im avoidant of sex even with a condom. He thinks I am frigid but I'm worried about catching something with him having had that many partners. He said that he doesn't usually use a condom as he 'knew' his past partners were clean/not promiscuous so I don't really trust his judgement fully. Only STI testing would reassure me however this is where I feel I'm being OCD .. it wouldn't reassure me fully.

    The problem is even if we got tested I would still be worried about sex with a condom and catching hpv and genital herpes. Evidence suggests that having sex with someone who has had sex with many multiple partners increases the risk of hpv. He gets cold sores and everytime he gets one I avoid kissing him and seeing him (in case he tries to kiss me) until it has gone away. I did mention to him once that we shouldn't kiss with a cold sore and he said that once it has scanned over it is fine but still I'd prefer to wait till its completely gone but at the same time don't want him to think I'm being over the top (which I can be). I know they don't test for herpes and hpv in sti tests as the viruses are so common and most people don't get cancer from it. Still it doesn't stop me worrying and after kissing at the end of the day I will rinse my mouth and worry a little about getting oral hpv (apparently it could be transmitted this way according to studies). He has had oral sex with many women (as many people do) and I do feel I'm being OCD about all this but I can't help it. It stops me from wanting to kiss him and instead I just want to break away and go and wipe my mouth. I've read horror stories about oral hpv and know people who have had cervical cancer.

    I just wanted some opinions I guess, I'm not the best at relationships as I've been single for a while before this.
    I wouldn't be with someone who called me frigid and refused to get tested if I asked to be honest.
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    You've posed about this before, haven't you?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I mentioned us getting tested several times but he says he was tested a few years ago and is clean.
    Yeah, yeah, yeah. When someone says that there are three possibilities:

    1. They don't have anything,
    2. They do, but they don't know it,
    3. They do, but think that if they're honest you wouldn't do stuff with them.

    The only way to know which it is is to test.

    He thinks I am frigid
    This is something that would have me ending it - the level of selfish entitlement.

    He said that he doesn't usually use a condom as he 'knew' his past partners were clean/not promiscuous so I don't really trust his judgement fully. Only STI testing would reassure me however this is where I feel I'm being OCD .. it wouldn't reassure me fully.
    Basically, he wants to **** you without a condom and you're not happy with that. Sadly for 'Mr Trust Me, I Probably Don't Have Anything', it does not take OCD to think that this is not a good idea.

    The problem is even if we got tested I would still be worried about sex with a condom and catching hpv and genital herpes.
    Everyone has their own place on the acceptable risk continuum, and insisting you follow someone else's position is not going to help you enjoy things.

    Given he gets cold sores, he does have at least one strain of HSV, as do most people. I'm guessing that you've never had one?
 
 
 
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