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heartbroken and shocked my sudden break-up watch

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    my long term boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago. On his return from a week visiting his parents he simply called it off

    His reasons do not make sense. He says he loves me as a friend and nothing more, even though last week he was planning his future with me. aka how he`d approach marriage in a years time and even where we`d move together to.
    - he stated he feels no emotional connection even though we talk all night, yet he admitted it`s because he goes through bouts of depression and confusion in the direction his life is taking.
    - he was really upset, I was his first girlfriend and he was saying he`s never been close to anyone, he doesn`t know how to feel. he feels disconnected from the world. (he only has a couple of friends who he isnt really very close to)

    I`m unsure how to feel or what to think. It was a complete shock... I love him dearly....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    my long term boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago. On his return from a week visiting his parents he simply called it off

    His reasons do not make sense. He says he loves me as a friend and nothing more, even though last week he was planning his future with me. aka how he`d approach marriage in a years time and even where we`d move together to.
    - he stated he feels no emotional connection even though we talk all night, yet he admitted it`s because he goes through bouts of depression and confusion in the direction his life is taking.
    - he was really upset, I was his first girlfriend and he was saying he`s never been close to anyone, he doesn`t know how to feel. he feels disconnected from the world. (he only has a couple of friends who he isnt really very close to)

    I`m unsure how to feel or what to think. It was a complete shock... I love him dearly....
    I'm really sorry :hugs:

    How long had you been together? Have you met/do you get on with his parents? Could this be something they asked him to do, which would explain his excuses not adding up? If you know his parents, would it be worth talking to them and asking firstly whether he's ok (as in if he's down at the moment), and secondly whether they can back up his motive? You might get more information from someone else he's close to because they'll know if he's acting differently or was before he broke up with you.

    Depression can answer for a lot of things, unfortunately. I had a (thankfully very short) low phase and at some points I admitted to my boyfriend that I felt like I didn't love him any more. But I didn't love anything. And now that I'm out of the other side, I love him more than ever. The difference was that I acknowledged that I wasn't thinking straight and allowed myself to recover before I did anything stupid.
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    (Original post by carrotstar)
    I'm really sorry :hugs:

    How long had you been together? Have you met/do you get on with his parents? Could this be something they asked him to do, which would explain his excuses not adding up? If you know his parents, would it be worth talking to them and asking firstly whether he's ok (as in if he's down at the moment), and secondly whether they can back up his motive? You might get more information from someone else he's close to because they'll know if he's acting differently or was before he broke up with you.

    Depression can answer for a lot of things, unfortunately. I had a (thankfully very short) low phase and at some points I admitted to my boyfriend that I felt like I didn't love him any more. But I didn't love anything. And now that I'm out of the other side, I love him more than ever. The difference was that I acknowledged that I wasn't thinking straight and allowed myself to recover before I did anything stupid.
    7 months. I haven`t met his parents as over the past year they`ve been going through some of their issues so the timing hasn`t worked.

    According to his brother though, whose a lot more settled he admits his brother goes through periods of depression but doesn`t feel like he needs help. And as he`s going through a period of *****y jobs, with an unsure direction it makes him feel worse. Perhaps moreso as over the last month I have secured an amazing job, my business is progressing well and my novel will be published next month.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    my long term boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago. On his return from a week visiting his parents he simply called it off

    His reasons do not make sense. He says he loves me as a friend and nothing more, even though last week he was planning his future with me. aka how he`d approach marriage in a years time and even where we`d move together to.
    - he stated he feels no emotional connection even though we talk all night, yet he admitted it`s because he goes through bouts of depression and confusion in the direction his life is taking.
    - he was really upset, I was his first girlfriend and he was saying he`s never been close to anyone, he doesn`t know how to feel. he feels disconnected from the world. (he only has a couple of friends who he isnt really very close to)

    I`m unsure how to feel or what to think. It was a complete shock... I love him dearly....
    Your feelings are normal.
    Time heals everything
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    7 months. I haven`t met his parents as over the past year they`ve been going through some of their issues so the timing hasn`t worked.

    According to his brother though, whose a lot more settled he admits his brother goes through periods of depression but doesn`t feel like he needs help. And as he`s going through a period of *****y jobs, with an unsure direction it makes him feel worse. Perhaps moreso as over the last month I have secured an amazing job, my business is progressing well and my novel will be published next month.
    Maybe he does feel under pressure because you're reaching your goals and he doesn't appear to be.. Did he express any concerns about his career to you before you broke up?

    If you're stll in love and would take him back at any minute, then I'd suggest making it clear that you love him and will be waiting when he's ready to come back to you. Make sure he knows that he's loved and he might come around. Keep in contact with his brother to see how he's doing.

    If the two of you are meant to be together, it will work out. And if not, then you'll both move on in time and find a better path for yourselves. In the meantime, you can't avoid the pain, I'm afraid, but it's part of the healing process. It might sound far-fetched, but you might even find in a month or so that you realise the two of you weren't the best match.

    Good luck, whichever way your path takes you.
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    Natural to feel devastated after a break up, sounds like him having depression is causing him to push you away, guess least he was honest and told you.
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    If someone is unable to manage their (evidently, crippling) depression, and unready to take constructive steps towards that end, then there is really very little you can do apart from communicating—clearly and directly—where you stand on the matter (so as to eliminate all possible uncertainty), before referring them to an appropriate resource in hopes that they eventually overcome whatever it is that has so impaired their emotional function.
 
 
 
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