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    I've been struggling a lot with this in recent months... not because I don't know whether I'm bi/straight etc. but because of other issues...

    ...like the fact that I'm repulsed by the very idea of myself having sex with someone. I don't think I'd ever want to if I'm honest.

    I do get aroused etc, but I only get attracted to fictional characters and not real people. Don't know if this makes me asexual or not?

    I'm not completely opposed to a purely romantic relationship with no sex (though I know that would never happen), even though I used to be opposed to the very idea of love. It's just really confusing - I know what I'd want but if anyone asks I have no idea how I'd describe it...

    Help please
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    Don't feel pressure. If you're not ready to have a relationship or to have sex, then don't. Just because other people are doing it, doesn't mean you have to. Life is a long journey and there's nothing wrong with taking some time to find yourself. Sometimes things happen in a very organic and unplanned way, and just when you least expect. Enjoy life and don't worry if you feel you're not "normal" or different, just soak in experiences, make new friends, broaden your horizons, it all makes you a more rounded person and gives you more experience to make decisions about what you really want from life. Just relax.
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    (Original post by gemma_sb)
    Don't feel pressure. If you're not ready to have a relationship or to have sex, then don't. Just because other people are doing it, doesn't mean you have to. Life is a long journey and there's nothing wrong with taking some time to find yourself. Sometimes things happen in a very organic and unplanned way, and just when you least expect. Enjoy life and don't worry if you feel you're not "normal" or different, just soak in experiences, make new friends, broaden your horizons, it all makes you a more rounded person and gives you more experience to make decisions about what you really want from life. Just relax.
    It's not that I don't want to at the moment, or that I'm not ready... I'll never want to. I know that for certain, I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same. I'm 18 and I'm just really frustrated that again I am apparently 'not normal'
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    Do you know that having sexual pleasure yourself can be rather enjoyable? (In other words, do you masturbate?) If so, what is inconceivable for you about enjoying it with someone else around?

    I'm aware that this sounds patronising, but it's hard to be accurate about the rest of your life when you're 18... but if you're right, what would be the problem with not being sexual with anyone else? What do you think you would be missing?

    (Given the number of posts here, there really isn't a need to bump them!)
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    Do you know that having sexual pleasure yourself can be rather enjoyable? (In other words, do you masturbate?) If so, what is inconceivable for you about enjoying it with someone else around?

    I'm aware that this sounds patronising, but it's hard to be accurate about the rest of your life when you're 18... but if you're right, what would be the problem with not being sexual with anyone else? What do you think you would be missing?

    (Given the number of posts here, there really isn't a need to bump them!)
    Yes, and I just don't think doing it - having sex - with another person would be at all enjoyable and if I'm perfectly honest I don't actually see the point, even though I know there must be one??

    I don't think anything is missing per se, just wondering if there was a 'label' (even though I hate them) for what I feel to make it easier to describe to people.

    and yeah true haha
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    I am a huge fan of masturbation for lots of reasons, but being sexual with someone else is - or can be - delightful in a similar (in terms of some of the physical sensations) but different (emotionally) way. Sharing sexual pleasure with someone, giving and receiving, can be a very bonding thing. There's also the way it can be used to make trust erotic.

    There's an interesting book called 'Why Women Have Sex' by Cindy Meston & David Buss which goes beyond the usual three: relational, recreational and reproductive. No-one will share all of the reasons, and some people won't have any that appeal, but they're all reasons that make sense to 'some' to 'many' people.

    Presumably you've thought about using 'asexual' as a label?
    • #1
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    I am a huge fan of masturbation for lots of reasons, but being sexual with someone else is - or can be - delightful in a similar (in terms of some of the physical sensations) but different (emotionally) way. Sharing sexual pleasure with someone, giving and receiving, can be a very bonding thing. There's also the way it can be used to make trust erotic.

    There's an interesting book called 'Why Women Have Sex' by Cindy Meston & David Buss which goes beyond the usual three: relational, recreational and reproductive. No-one will share all of the reasons, and some people won't have any that appeal, but they're all reasons that make sense to 'some' to 'many' people.

    Presumably you've thought about using 'asexual' as a label?
    I just don't get it, I mean it probably sounds stupid but I'm almost certain I'd never ever want to have actual sex with anyone. Maybe it's just a deeper reason or something idk. It just seems like you're trusting someone an awful lot and I'd never be able to trust anyone like that. Plus the thought of having sex actually kinda puts me off completely...

    Yeah I have but I'm not 100% certain :/
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    The trust aspect is, for many, part of the appeal. You're both vulnerable, emotionally and physically, and giving and getting access to the most private parts of someone else.

    Most children have a 'why would someone do that?!?' reaction to discovering some aspects of adult sexuality, and some adults have the same reaction to what some others enjoy.

    If it's not for you, it's not for you, but if you can enjoy imagining doing stuff with a fictional person, you can very probably find someone you can enjoy doing stuff with in reality.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been struggling a lot with this in recent months... not because I don't know whether I'm bi/straight etc. but because of other issues...

    ...like the fact that I'm repulsed by the very idea of myself having sex with someone. I don't think I'd ever want to if I'm honest.

    I do get aroused etc, but I only get attracted to fictional characters and not real people. Don't know if this makes me asexual or not?

    I'm not completely opposed to a purely romantic relationship with no sex (though I know that would never happen), even though I used to be opposed to the very idea of love. It's just really confusing - I know what I'd want but if anyone asks I have no idea how I'd describe it...

    Help please
    Don't worry hunni, we are all still learning about what we want. There's no rush to fall in love, have sex or get into a relationship. You have a whole future ahead of you and maybe when you meet new people later on, you may find that person. But right now just be yourself and focus on what you know is important and also what you love.
 
 
 
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