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    I've had social anxiety for a large portion of my life due to being bullied at secondary school. Because of this, I've never really had friends and I didn't really make any during university. I found people to live with in second and third year at uni, but they never really liked me that much and I haven't been in contact with them since leaving last July.

    Fortunately, my anxiety pretty much disappeared by the end of third year.
    I've recently started a graduate job and have moved to a new town. I now live in a shared house with a bunch of strangers, but they all seem to live their own lives and have their own friends.

    I spent my weekends sitting alone at home because I have nobody to talk to or go out with.. I want to have a social life but I don't have anyone to socialise with. I'm a virgin who wants a sexual life. I know that I'm good looking, so it's certainly a possibility if I get friends. Nobody wants to go out with a friendless guy.

    How can I improve my social life?
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    By improving yourself first, perhaps.
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    (Original post by Ed's Balls)
    By improving yourself first, perhaps.
    Can you be more specific? I do go to the gym three times a week, but besides that and shopping, I have no other excuse to go out.
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    Everyone hates someone with self pity which you clearly have (I do too but it's shrinking). Only way to get out of the rut is to start appreciating the things you have. It'll cheer you up and then people will want to be around you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had social anxiety for a large portion of my life due to being bullied at secondary school. Because of this, I've never really had friends and I didn't really make any during university. I found people to live with in second and third year at uni, but they never really liked me that much and I haven't been in contact with them since leaving last July.

    Fortunately, my anxiety pretty much disappeared by the end of third year.
    I've recently started a graduate job and have moved to a new town. I now live in a shared house with a bunch of strangers, but they all seem to live their own lives and have their own friends.

    I spent my weekends sitting alone at home because I have nobody to talk to or go out with.. I want to have a social life but I don't have anyone to socialise with. I'm a virgin who wants a sexual life. I know that I'm good looking, so it's certainly a possibility if I get friends. Nobody wants to go out with a friendless guy.

    How can I improve my social life?
    Find yourself a club themed around a common interest—photography, music, or what have you—and join it. If you're as personable and as self-assured as you claim, people will give you the benefit of the doubt.
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    Very useful advice here
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can you be more specific? I do go to the gym three times a week, but besides that and shopping, I have no other excuse to go out.
    Become a more interesting person, so you can talk about what you're into and find others with similar interests. Or get one of those life coaches.
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    (Original post by Ed's Balls)
    By improving yourself first, perhaps.
    You've turned into Ball's Ed I must say you went away for a short while and look what you have become. What would Ed Balls think? Hmm hmm?
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    (Original post by Little Popcorns)
    You've turned into Ball's Ed I must say you went away for a short while and look what you have become. What would Ed Balls think? Hmm hmm?
    I have been enlightened. And thus, I must spread my message of love, hope and Kanye to all I meet. Bless your beautiful soul with his almighty lyrical genius. :adore::adore::adore:
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    Heyy

    Well first off I guess i could say i kind of used to be in the same boat. Back in school i didn't really have any friends at all, i was always that quiet kid in the background that nobody realised existed until it was time for class register.After i finished my A-levels i moved to a country abroad to study. I'm now in my second year. And suddenly a switch in me turned on that made me start to open up. Perhaps it was the fact that i was in a new country with a clean slate to start over. Actually, i do think it was partly that. Which brings me to my first point: Meet NEW people. I'm not talking about "new" coworkers or people who live with you that see you pretty often. Try going to completely new places and meeting people that are 8 to 80 years old. People whom you can just be yourself to because it's the first time they meet you, and they have NO idea about your past with social anxiety. Believe it or not, they will treat you differently. And this is a sad fact, that those that knew you as that nervous shy kid before are not going to treat you that much differently, even if you've changed. They'll still (whether they mean to or not) have this old image in their minds of you with the low self confidence and the social issues. So bring a new bunch of people in your life. Expand your horizons. Be open. To everything. Accept everyone of every age and every type. This will really help expand your social circle. And will teach you how to deal with them as unique individuals, give you the skill to tackle different personas, hence attracting an even larger circle.

    Second thing, build yourself. I'm talking hobbies, interests, passions, anything that gets you busy and gets you interested in doing it on. your. own. This may seem a bit counterproductive considering you want to be out there being social, but i guarantee you the more stuff you do in your alone time, the more you will have to offer to other people in your social time. You'll always have something to talk about, and your value will increase seeing as you put so much effort into yourself. There'll always be something to talk about. You know what's worse than a friendless guy? A boring guy.

    Since we're already on the topic of building yourself, this will also most likely put you on the path of finding a girl you can date. Trust me, the girls you wanna get aren't the ones that have low standards that will just go for anyone that sends them good morning texts. No. You've been single this long, you might as well make your first relationship a good one, and worth the wait. So, start off with making a lot of female friends. Eventually, once she properly knows you and you her, try to ask her out, etc. A meaningless relationship is just gonna suck time out of you and will be something you look back on and just think "Meh".

    These are pretty much the things i ended up doing, mostly the stuff above and also just seeming interested in everyone's lives, and listening, making them feel important. This is also a point worth mentioning. That sometimes you don't even have to put that much effort, sometimes a good friend is just a good listener.

    Best of luck, and congratulations for overcoming your social anxiety. Remember, new slate. You can message me if you want to talk to someone I hope i helped.
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    (Original post by Sabby888)
    Heyy

    Well first off I guess i could say i kind of used to be in the same boat. Back in school i didn't really have any friends at all, i was always that quiet kid in the background that nobody realised existed until it was time for class register.After i finished my A-levels i moved to a country abroad to study. I'm now in my second year. And suddenly a switch in me turned on that made me start to open up. Perhaps it was the fact that i was in a new country with a clean slate to start over. Actually, i do think it was partly that. Which brings me to my first point: Meet NEW people. I'm not talking about "new" coworkers or people who live with you that see you pretty often. Try going to completely new places and meeting people that are 8 to 80 years old. People whom you can just be yourself to because it's the first time they meet you, and they have NO idea about your past with social anxiety. Believe it or not, they will treat you differently. And this is a sad fact, that those that knew you as that nervous shy kid before are not going to treat you that much differently, even if you've changed. They'll still (whether they mean to or not) have this old image in their minds of you with the low self confidence and the social issues. So bring a new bunch of people in your life. Expand your horizons. Be open. To everything. Accept everyone of every age and every type. This will really help expand your social circle. And will teach you how to deal with them as unique individuals, give you the skill to tackle different personas, hence attracting an even larger circle.

    Second thing, build yourself. I'm talking hobbies, interests, passions, anything that gets you busy and gets you interested in doing it on. your. own. This may seem a bit counterproductive considering you want to be out there being social, but i guarantee you the more stuff you do in your alone time, the more you will have to offer to other people in your social time. You'll always have something to talk about, and your value will increase seeing as you put so much effort into yourself. There'll always be something to talk about. You know what's worse than a friendless guy? A boring guy.

    Since we're already on the topic of building yourself, this will also most likely put you on the path of finding a girl you can date. Trust me, the girls you wanna get aren't the ones that have low standards that will just go for anyone that sends them good morning texts. No. You've been single this long, you might as well make your first relationship a good one, and worth the wait. So, start off with making a lot of female friends. Eventually, once she properly knows you and you her, try to ask her out, etc. A meaningless relationship is just gonna suck time out of you and will be something you look back on and just think "Meh".

    These are pretty much the things i ended up doing, mostly the stuff above and also just seeming interested in everyone's lives, and listening, making them feel important. This is also a point worth mentioning. That sometimes you don't even have to put that much effort, sometimes a good friend is just a good listener.

    Best of luck, and congratulations for overcoming your social anxiety. Remember, new slate. You can message me if you want to talk to someone I hope i helped.
    Thanks for the advice. The main problem is that there aren't really many chances for me to talk to people outside of work. Tbh all I do right now if play video games & go to the gym. What else could I do alone in my spare time that would be interesting?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice. The main problem is that there aren't really many chances for me to talk to people outside of work. Tbh all I do right now if play video games & go to the gym. What else could I do alone in my spare time that would be interesting?
    Ahh well I never went to uni/lived as a grad in England so i don't even know what people in that age gap tend to do outside of work :')

    In my personal experience English people aren't the friendliest bunch, so it's slightly harder to make new friends there. I suggest maybe like social clubs? Parks, social groups, volunteering groups like Oxfam etc...

    Hahaha i don't blame you for sticking to the video games And there's nothing wrong with that. Hell, you could even use that to your advantage. Maybe use your alone time to go to gaming events, i'm sure there's Comic cons in England? Bam, more opportunities to meet people

    There's literally so many options for places to go and things to do alone. The country i live in currently doesn't have that so you should consider yourself lucky
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How can I improve my social life?
    This was one thing I used to struggle with, and as a sufferer of social anxiety I feel I may be of some assistance. The only problem is, you've probably heard it all before.

    What do you enjoy doing? Whatever it is, just go out and do it. No if's, no but's, just go.

    At my uni I've ended up taking on a load of different responsibilities to A) Build up experience, B) Build up confidence and C) Make new contacts. I attend meetings, assist with interviews, engage with lots of people. This is coming from someone who at times can get nervous simply shopping at the local Tesco. Through it all, I've made friends.

    You can do it too, buddy. Heck if you want an online friend, here I am!
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    In all seriousness, see a therapist?
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    Hey. I totally know how you feel. People would say it's your fault bla bla bla but it's not always.

    I think you should gain confidence in yourself. Love yourself. That way you can reflect that on to others. I've realised most people I've met at uni are carbon copies. They all act the same way, well most. Snobby ****ers. I'm Muslim btw and I went to a uni filled with whites. Hard to fit in because I wasn't social in going to the pub, club or parties. My personality didn't have no impact...

    Trust me. I made no friends, anxiety, depression got to me so much. I tried and I was even desperate at one point to have A friend at least at uni. But no luck. So... If you wanna talk, I'm here. (IF YOU WANNA) 😋From one lone wolf to another.

    Take care
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had social anxiety for a large portion of my life due to being bullied at secondary school. Because of this, I've never really had friends and I didn't really make any during university. I found people to live with in second and third year at uni, but they never really liked me that much and I haven't been in contact with them since leaving last July.

    Fortunately, my anxiety pretty much disappeared by the end of third year.
    I've recently started a graduate job and have moved to a new town. I now live in a shared house with a bunch of strangers, but they all seem to live their own lives and have their own friends.

    I spent my weekends sitting alone at home because I have nobody to talk to or go out with.. I want to have a social life but I don't have anyone to socialise with. I'm a virgin who wants a sexual life. I know that I'm good looking, so it's certainly a possibility if I get friends. Nobody wants to go out with a friendless guy.

    How can I improve my social life?
    Meet people on tinder. If you say that you're good looking it shouldn't be to hard to get a date. If you say that your anxiety is gone you should be fine and if you get close enough with that person and you explain to them why they never hear about any of your friends and you explain why you don't have any, any decent person would understand like we do on here. If they want to judge you based on that, that means they're not a good person and you've got away from problems.

    Also, please don't let rejection drive you back into anxiety.
 
 
 
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