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To the men who call themselves 'carefree' when it comes to intimacy, riddle me this? watch

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    My bandmate and I have been getting intimate the past month. He's stayed round, and he's been ridiculously overly affectionate towards me.I've been in relationships before, he is acting like men have towards me years into relationships.

    As well as kissing me, feeling me up, cuddling me really tenderly, on his only day off work spending it in bed with me etc. He's tried to instigate sex on numerous occasions but I always parred it off because of the complications with him being my bandmate and causing awkwardness for other members.

    Anyway, I've known this guy 4 years. He's never acted this way before, and I got the vibe he has feelings for me.

    I bit the bullet and asked him today (after he stayed round last night and didn't leave my bed till 5pm today). I'd had enough of not knowing.

    He claims he doesn't 'like' me that way, and he just has a tendency to act 'carefree and thoughtlessly'... bit of a ridiculous response to your best female friend of 4 years and the fact we haven't even had sex (i.e he wasn't just using me as a casual sex thing), it's just been mushy affectionate stuff.

    What's your thoughts? I'm in two minds whether he's just being a d**k or trying to act like he has no feelings for me, despite being that affectionate OR because he doesn't want to rock the boat with the band/our friendship.
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    (Original post by elliebrown92)
    My bandmate and I have been getting intimate the past month. He's stayed round, and he's been ridiculously overly affectionate towards me.I've been in relationships before, he is acting like men have towards me years into relationships.

    As well as kissing me, feeling me up, cuddling me really tenderly, on his only day off work spending it in bed with me etc. He's tried to instigate sex on numerous occasions but I always parred it off because of the complications with him being my bandmate and causing awkwardness for other members.

    Anyway, I've known this guy 4 years. He's never acted this way before, and I got the vibe he has feelings for me.

    I bit the bullet and asked him today (after he stayed round last night and didn't leave my bed till 5pm today). I'd had enough of not knowing.

    He claims he doesn't 'like' me that way, and he just has a tendency to act 'carefree and thoughtlessly'... bit of a ridiculous response to your best female friend of 4 years and the fact we haven't even had sex (i.e he wasn't just using me as a casual sex thing), it's just been mushy affectionate stuff.

    What's your thoughts? I'm in two minds whether he's just being a d**k or trying to act like he has no feelings for me, despite being that affectionate OR because he doesn't want to rock the boat with the band/our friendship.
    He's telling a bare faced lie. He wouldn't try to instigate sex if he didn't like you in that way all of a sudden after 4 years if he suddenly developed feelings
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    (Original post by TercioOfParma)
    He's telling a bare faced lie. He wouldn't try to instigate sex if he didn't like you in that way all of a sudden after 4 years if he suddenly developed feelings
    See this is what I think, who just suddenly tries to instigate sex after being best mates with someone for four years, for no reason? It must be because he sees me in a different light and likes me. But apparently he just is carefree/thoughtless and can't control himself. It's so confusing.
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    Depends how you asked him..to give a bit more context. He could be being defensive. He could be a d-. You know him well enough to read his body language
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Depends how you asked him..to give a bit more context. He could be being defensive. He could be a d-. You know him well enough to read his body language
    I asked him over Facebook message. I tried to ask him in person but he kept ignoring the question and changing the subject. So couldn't really read any body language, but he basically said:

    I'm a bit too carefree at times I know. without trying to sound too blunt, I don't feel that way about you - just to be clear! - I know our friendship has been closer recently but nothing's changed for me if that makes sense.
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    Seems like a doorknob-ish thing to do actually. I'd tell him you're not into friends with benefits or being messed about.
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Seems like a doorknob-ish thing to do actually. I'd tell him you're not into friends with benefits or being messed about.
    This better not catch on, I find this very offensive.
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Seems like a doorknob-ish thing to do actually. I'd tell him you're not into friends with benefits or being messed about.
    I said to him:

    The only reason I'm not calling you a d**k right now is because we're in a band together and this situation is unique. But seriously dude, men can't treat a woman that way and then just say they have little self control and put it down to being carefree. I'd be surprised if anyone else would accept that.

    He came back with:

    carefree / thoughtless, I know. I get it.

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    Besides its a bunch of balls. Men do have self control unless they've got some sort of brain injury or illness that would impact their prefrontal cortex. And by saying it's because he is carefree, there's an implication that you're somehow uptight for not going along with it. Complete doorknob.
 
 
 
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