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Respect and girlfriend problems

I was very badly bullied by this person all my secondary school life up until year 11, i am now in my first year of university. He ruined my school life, and i did not enjoy it one bit. However i forbid my girlfriend from speaking to him because he was so evil to me and nearly ruined my life and tempted me to think about commiting suicide several times. I have explained my feelings of hatred for him. However she has been friends with him for 7 years now, and they were good friends, but i dont think she shoudl ever speak to him again because he is an evil bastard. And i think that by her speaking to him is forgiving him for what he did to me. Surely if she loved me she would respect me and see how much pain he has caused in my life and stand by me, and surely she wouldnt like him anyway for everything he did. She has now split up with me because of it, as she thinks it is a form of blackmail for me telling her who she can and cant talk to. Can i have your opinions on this, as i am really stressing out as to what to do. Was i irrational and selfish, or should she respect me, and i would be better off without me?

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Reply 1

LaurenFah

Let her make her own choices... if being friends with him is a mistake, then let her make her own mistakes!

I'm sorry to hear you had to endure so much bullying and abuse :frown:

But you shouldn't really tell your girlfriend who she can and can't talk to.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Even if it means so much to me?

Reply 3

Tyler Durden

Wow, so this guy ruined your school life and now you're actively ensuring that he does even more damage. I would apologise to your girlfriend, try to win her back and reassure her you'll stop being a controlling ****. Then I would get over what happened; sure being bullied must have sucked, but let it go.

Oh and you can't make a person respect you - she will respect you if you act as though you deserve respect (and from your post you definitely do not).

Reply 4

username47781

I sympathise with you, but you can't really tell who your girlfriend can or cannot be friends with.

Reply 5

LaurenFah

Anonymous

Even if it means so much to me?

Why would it mean so much to you who she is friends with?

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

I have been in similar situations, not anything so dramatic as bullying etc but just people I randomly disliked who my girl was and is mates with. Well its totally sorted now, but from experience I would advice a double edged approach- try to win her back, apologise, do the whole emotional thing (clearly only do this if you love her, not for revenge purposes). Then slowly try to turn her against the guy. What I did, which REALLY works, is to volunteer to meet the other guy when she was there. Awkward for everyone! And you look like the good guy. If he is unpleasant, she will see his 'true colours'. If he isn't, you can break down their independent relationship. But the best decision I have ever made in my life, in a number of circumstances, was to get off my high horse. I recommend a similar course of action to you.

Reply 7

LaurenFah

^ I wouldn't advise this, as it's being a jerk. You're turning your girlfriend against one of her friends, for your own end? No way.
Like I said, she can make her own decisions who she is friends with, and if you feel this is a mistake, allow her to make her own mistakes.

Reply 8

General Mullet

Not a nice situation but as mentioned before: you can't let this guy still ruin your life. It may be difficult but you need to just forget about him if you want to get back with the gf. No-one appreciates being told not to be friends with someone - it just makes you look bad.

That said I think she's being insensitive if she knows how this guy treat you. I know I couldn't be friends with someone who treat my other like that.

Reply 9

lilgemmalea

While i was in school.
I was with a guy for two years.
After that.
The guy i was with tried to stop me from talking to my ex.
Me and my ex had a lot of trouble.
But we sorted it out.
And the guy i was with really didn't like that fact.
But the more he was like
don't talk to him because i don't like him
the more it upset me that he would do something like that.
when he said he loved me.
my thinking being why should he tell me what to do.
It ended up not working with the guy.
And me and my ex are still really good mates.
My boyfriend now has no problem with me talking to ex #1
And i don't really talk to ex #2 because of how he was with me.
But the fact that my boyfriend appreciates that me and my ex get on.
really means a lot to me.

I think you should talk to her about how you feel.
But not stop her from talking to a friend of hers.
especially of so long.
Tell her why you feel like you do.
All of it. Truthfully.
And it's her decision then.
She's more than likely going to want to carry on talking to the guy.
So in that case.
Tell her you respect that.
But ask her not to talk to you about it etc.

Hope that helps :smile:

Reply 10

WokSz

May I ask why you typed that up as if it was a poem?

Reply 11

Clubber Lang

bEEt

May I ask why you typed that up as if it was a poem?

LOL, i didnt read it but thoughti t was a poem or something. :rolleyes:

Reply 12

WokSz

Before reading that I thought she wrote a poem on respect :smile:

Reply 13

izwhiz

If your gf has been friends with this guy longer than you two have been in a relationship then you have no right to tell her not to talk to him. If my bf tried to stop me seeing someone i would be really angry about it.

It might bother you, but like others have said, he ruined your life in high school so why let him continue ruining your life now???

Reply 14

ISH

let her make her own decisions. If he hurts her, be there to pick her up again.

Reply 15

coloursonthetv

If they've been friends for seven years then you knew this before getting involved with her. I'm sorry about what's happened to you but you really shouldn't try to change anyone due to those circumstances.

And seriously don't do the 'if she really loved me she wouldn't talk to him' thing because that's completely redundant. If you really loved her then you wouldn't tell her who she can and cannot be friends with :wink:

Reply 16

lilgemmalea

bEEt

May I ask why you typed that up as if it was a poem?

I do apologise. It's habit. I write as i talk. And i talk in blocks. Annoying sometimes yes, but it's the way i am.

I'll stop doing that now, just for you lot :smile:

Reply 17

DaChronik

lilgemmalea

I do apologise. It's habit. I write as i talk. And i talk in blocks. Annoying sometimes yes, but it's the way i am.

I'll stop doing that now, just for you lot :smile:

She did the same thing... Jus swapped the enter for a full stop! And I love it! lol

Regarding your situation... If she spends more time with you, and hardly sees him I dont see your problem, but I mean if shes spending lots of time with him, dont spend time with her when shes with him! Im sure shed rather spend time with you, your her boyfriend...

Oh and btw, never tell her not to do something, shell jus want to do it more...

Reply 18

lilgemmalea

DaChronik

She did the same thing... Jus swapped the enter for a full stop! And I love it! lol

Ahaa. Tarr. If you look. First time there were full stops at the end of every line. I just stopped pressing enter heh. It's a personality trait. I wouldn't be me without it. And why would i want to be somebody else?

Refering back to the original topic. You need to give her her freedom. Or you'll just end up pushing her away mate.

Reply 19

Schmokie Dragon

You can't dictate who your girlfriend can talk to. You are not the police, or her parent. I completely sympathize with your plight, but she isn't you, and her actions do not speak for you. This man is not being forgiven for what he did because she speaks to him. Only you can forgive him, and I doubt you are going to. Also, I doubt he cares. He isn't looking for forgiveness, and is not reading your [ex]girlfriend's actions as such.

Yes, he was evil and horrible. I have no idea why anyone in their right mind would want to be friends with him. But just because he doesn't deserve friends doesn't mean you have any right to control if your girl is friends with him.

Stop making rules and ask yourself - if you are having to make rules, are you really with the right person?

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