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Not sure whether to invite this person or not

As I'm not in anonymous, I don't wanna be too obvious! :p:

But for people that already know me in this forum, I'm preparing for my final exams right now and will *hopefully* be graduating in July, dates all set.

However, after the way my mother has treated me throughout my life I'm now not sure whether to invite her or not :confused:

Even recently, when I mentioned the good news it was like 'oh you're almost 24 now, you're completely pathetic for taking almost 5 years to finish your degree (it's actually 4 but nevermind)' and etc :eek:

And then being patronising, saying 'of course I feel sorry for you' :rolleyes:

I don't know :frown:

Reply 1

LaurenFah

14

Sorry, I don't know you and don't know the story behind you and your mothers relationship - so forgive me if my post doesn't relate at all!

First of all, ask yourself this - in years to come are you going to regret not inviting her? If the answer is yes, then I'd invite her.

Reply 2

herecomestrouble

14

I think it would show you have risen above her and can move on in your life and excel independently :smile:

Reply 3

Tyler Durden

17

Take the moral highground; invite her. That's my advice.

Reply 4

Talya

16

No! Invite someone who will make you feel good! Take pictures so if your mum really cares about it, you can show 'em to her. But seeing as she has made her feelings clear I think she's forfeited the opportunity to come with you.

Reply 5

Custer

1

Forgive your mother :smile:

Reply 6

LaurenFah

14

kastro9

Forgive your mother :smile:

Well I wouldn't "forgive" her in that everything she's done wrong you should let go. (That sentence is bad grammar but I can't rephrase it... and it's 1am!).

As I said, if you're not going to regret inviting her then I don't see the point in inviting her and potentially having bad memories of one of the happiest moments of your life. If you see yourself regretting her not being there for it, then offer her the chance to go and leave it up to her to turn up.

Reply 7

shona

10

Just how bad is your relationship with your mother at the moment? Yes, if she turns up, she's liable to bitch and piss you off, but if you don't invite her, if there are any bridges left between the two of you, you'll burn them all.

It's up to you - but just think about the fallout before weighing things up and making a decision.

Reply 8

danni_bella

OP

17

shona

Just how bad is your relationship with your mother at the moment? Yes, if she turns up, she's liable to bitch and piss you off, but if you don't invite her, if there are any bridges left between the two of you, you'll burn them all.

Yeah that's the problem! Coz who knows what next? But it's just such a hard decision for me to make, I mean in the rare moments of time that I actually talk to her, it's like she'll yell at me for being pathetic, then end the convo by saying she feels sorry for me?? WTF?!? :confused:

Like, that I started uni a year later than average because I took a GAP year in industry, and that I changed courses during my degree to complete a double degree in Science and Arts. I don't get how that's being 'pathetic' (and what's up with the fake sympathy after that).

LaurenFah

As I said, if you're not going to regret inviting her then I don't see the point in inviting her and potentially having bad memories of one of the happiest moments of your life. If you see yourself regretting her not being there for it, then offer her the chance to go and leave it up to her to turn up.

Because she is interstate, she might not even be bothered to come anyway knowing her, unless I pay for her travel and accommodation (this is what she is like!! She even asked me). I really don't know :frown:

So whilst the situation may seem easy, it's not as I know I'm gonna be given a hard time by my other relatives if I don't invite her :rolleyes:

But I'll be hurt if she doesn't want to show any initiative in making to my graduation herself :frown:

Reply 9

anjurdsg

11

there's no harm in just dropping her a small invitation. no long stories. she's your mom after all.

but then it's up to her to come, if she chooses it.

if she doesnt, then you know where you stand. all the better for you

if she comes, all the better anyways.

but if she comes and bitches, then i dont know :p:

tell her straight up that you didnt really wanna invite her, but thought better of it? :dontknow:

good luck anyways :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

my mum has a similar relationship with my gran always putting her down etc, my mum still sees my gran oftenish now and she acts the same way, perhaps not as bad as she did before so i spose in that sense my mum could have made a big stand a few years ago, like you have a with the graduation, to basically terminate your relationship, because not inviting you mum to the prom is quite a big deal i would assume. However i appreciated having a gran and she has got better with age so i spose you might want to wait a while longer before ultimately severing ties.

Reply 11

izwhiz

Personally i would invite her but tell her that you won't pay her travel or accomodation, if she really cares about you and your graduation she will come, if she doens't then you won't. At least that way she can't use it against you in years to come!

Reply 12

Ron Stoppable

14

danni_bella

after the way my mother has treated me throughout my life I'm now not sure whether to invite her or not :confused:

Even recently, when I mentioned the good news it was like 'oh you're almost 24 now, you're completely pathetic for taking almost 5 years to finish your degree (it's actually 4 but nevermind)' and etc :eek:

And then being patronising, saying 'of course I feel sorry for you'

Interesting sitch, DB.

Play it diplomatically: Invite her, covering basic expenses, but also take lots of non-graduating friends to give you great company and prevent her from raining on your parade. If you ask them to form a protective entourage, they will. So do it.

She'll get her picture with you, communicative bridges will still be intact or perhaps a little stronger and you'll have a brilliant day too! :biggrin:

Reply 13

Llamaaa

15

I would love to say, invite her, be the bigger person and all that jazz, however, if there is a chance she may ruin your day, put you down in your proudest moment, then don't invite her. You don't want the memory tarnished by her meanness. Then if afterwards she complains it's a perfect opportunity to confront her about how nasty she has been, how she puts you down and then maybe she will change. Or maybe not, in which case you'll be glad you didn't invite her.

Reply 14

danni_bella

OP

17

Ron Stoppable you're too nice! :biggrin:

Argh, I'd find it extremely challenging to be that lovely to her after the way she has treated me, we're talking about a woman here who berrates me because I don't subscribe to her narrow-minded views (and other such things).

helenkr

I would love to say, invite her, be the bigger person and all that jazz, however, if there is a chance she may ruin your day, put you down in your proudest moment, then don't invite her. You don't want the memory tarnished by her meanness. Then if afterwards she complains it's a perfect opportunity to confront her about how nasty she has been, how she puts you down and then maybe she will change. Or maybe not, in which case you'll be glad you didn't invite her.

K I like this post a lot more :smile:

Currently being guilt-tripped by my sister but I'm choosing to ignore it atm. The reason for this thread is that I have to make a decision by Friday...

Reply 15

Angrybanana

11

I feel really bad for you, I'd be so upset if my mother treated me that way :hugs:

I agree with the person who said invite her, but let her pay her own transportation/accommodation costs as that will truly show whether she cares.

It's completely beyond me why any mother would call her beautiful, intelligent daughter 'pathetic' and 'feel sorry' for her, you've given her so much to be proud of. Perhaps she would have preferred it if you hadn't bothered with university and became an alcoholic junkie? :mad:

Anyway, best of luck and don't let her spoil your graduation, it's your day. x

Reply 16

mudblood

1

I'd invite her and if she decides not to turn up then you'll know where you stand. If she's not even asked it might create even more tension - you know what people are like. :biggrin:

Not sure whether to invite this person or not

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