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Can a swinging relationship work?

Hallo. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years since I was 18 (she was 19), love her very much, going very strong and all that and recently she asked me what I thought of swinging.

She asked because she's bicurious and interested in exploring that side of her sexuality. I told her I've got no problems with it but she reassured me that it would have to be a particularly attractive woman and so on so I have no need to worry for the time being, but maybe when we get our new flat together she might have a little look around. I told her that's fine.

Anyway, it got us thinking, if we were to get into swinging, could it work? I mean to be honest, I am not that fussed about it really, so if she said tomorrow that she didn't want to do then I wouldn't do it. But then again it would be nice, and it's not as if people haven't shown interest in me in the last 3 years and so on so you know. Another point is that we both have had limited sexual partners (I am her only one) and it would be kind of nice to experience things whilst we're both still young and nothing is sagging.

So is it possible? We definately see ourselves together in the future and our relationship is very very strong, so I think it could work. But our standards would be exacting. No single guys. Single bisexual women fine. Ideally we'd be looking for an attractive (we ourselves are attractive), young yet emotinally mature and experienced couple in a very stable relationship of probably at least 18 months or something. I mean there must be more people than just us in this situation right? So yeah, what do you think?

Reply 1

generalebriety

16

Of course it's possible. Any sort of relationship is possible (and, indeed, morally sound) if it's what both people in the relationship want. I suggest you talk it through thoroughly with your girlfriend though, to make sure you really do both want exactly the same thing, otherwise people could get hurt. :smile:

Reply 2

WokSz

17

Like most things, it could lead to you two breaking up too. I would be very careful, and talk it through very deeply before making a decision.

Reply 3

ßlαcksωαn

17

ahhh I think you're asking for trouble. I personally wouldn't do it. You say you both what to experience stuff when you're young and that's fair enough, but to do this in a relationship>? sounds all but a little odd to me. I think some emotional issues could come into play and perhaps even jealousy, but on the other hand if you are both trusting and stable then I guess you could give it a try :s-smilie:

Reply 4

Ron Stoppable

14

Anonymous

it got us thinking, if we were to get into swinging, could it work? I mean to be honest, I am not that fussed about it really, so if she said tomorrow that she didn't want to do then I wouldn't do it.

In a world where everyone is clear what their specific, often disempowered, role is and content to carry out that role forever, it'd work and keep everyone happy. Just like model communism, swinging requires all parties to be - here's what's often the snag - totally conscious and in control of their thoughts, emotions and actions.

Seriously consider whether you'd be:

•

timorously appeasing your girlfriend while regressively enacting a pubescent fantasy, or;

•

systematically deciding upon a pathway that will consolidate everlasting feel-good fulfilment.

If the former, then talk through in greater detail with your girlfriend (when neither of you are aroused) and move on if she's unyielding.

Anonymous

it's not as if people haven't shown interest in me in the last 3 years and so on so you know

Must you really attempt to validate yourself? You may have just pointed out the first option. :rolleyes:

Reply 5

Zoecb

11

Yes it could work.

Reply 6

PinkMobilePhone

Chat Forum Helper, Life & Style Forum Helper

22

Like people have said, sure, a swinging relationship can indeed work.
The problem is that sometimes people underestimate how jealousy can crop up in those sorts of circumstances - even if previously neither person thinks they will be jealous.

You have to be prepared for that sort of thing. I definitely don't think you should rush into a swinging relationship. Think long and hard and discuss it with each other in great detail before deciding on anything.

Reply 7

username47781

20

Trouble is in the end, someone normally get's hurt, if you are not comfortable with it, tell her you do not want to do it. It could be she is suggesting swinging because your relationship has gone a bit stale.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

PinkMobilePhone

Like people have said, sure, a swinging relationship can indeed work.
The problem is that sometimes people underestimate how jealousy can crop up in those sorts of circumstances - even if previously neither person thinks they will be jealous.

You have to be prepared for that sort of thing. I definitely don't think you should rush into a swinging relationship. Think long and hard and discuss it with each other in great detail before deciding on anything.

I may sound arrogant here, but I am really not worried about her/me getting jealous. For one thing, we would only do this with a couple very similar to us, so any jealously would be mutual. But for another, whilst I guess there is a possibility the other person might have a better body than me or something, it is the emotional and intellectual connection that keeps us together. She has told me on numerous occasions that very few people could even hold a candle light to me, and I have said the same to her so we're not worried about other people catching our interest. In fact, one of the major problems we face is finding a couple we are willing to sleep with.

blackswan

ahhh I think you're asking for trouble. I personally wouldn't do it. You say you both what to experience stuff when you're young and that's fair enough, but to do this in a relationship>?

May I ask what your personal situation is? Are you in a relationship and for how long? For us, we act like a single unit. We can barely stand to stay away from each other even for a day. Basically, we do everything together, share everything and we don't really see why this must be any different. Sex certainly isn't worth us breaking up although the fact remains that sex is fun-and something we like to do together.

Ron Stoppable

Seriously consider whether you'd be:

-timorously appeasing your girlfriend while regressively enacting a pubescent fantasy, or;
-systematically deciding upon a pathway that will consolidate everlasting feel-good fulfilment.

If the former, then talk through in greater detail with your girlfriend (when neither of you are aroused) and move on if she's unyielding.

If I had to decide between the two options given then it would certainly be the second. My girlfriend does not need appeasing nor do I retain pubescent fantasy. However, regarding the last option, I would say that 'everlasting' brings up images of never stopping, which would certainly not be our intention. I can see this being more down the lines of not having any quarms about sleeping with an attractive couple if given the option, so it would probably comes in periods, with gaps as long as years in between perhaps. But in regard to the memories of the experiences this could bring, then I would say they wqould certainly be fufilling.

I just wanna finish by saying that I think one of the reasons their are so many middle aged swingers is that they ignore their urges until they can no longer ignore them. Also, why is it that couples end up breaking up? One common scenario is that one of the couple is caught cheating. Yet my girlfriend and I we're only young when we got together and it hardly seems fair that we shouldn't explore a little before we have the responsibility of parenthood and so on. So why risk breaking up a relationship which we get so much from by cheating? Why not explore our urges together?

Reply 9

Livethefire

Yes it can work: for a limited amount of time.

Reply 10

Ginger_Rogers

7

You are asking if it will work, but whenever anyone has said it might not, you are just making their argument out to be invalid. Which shows that you obviously think it will work, regardless whether anyone on here expresses otherwise. Which leads me to ask....why make a thread on it??

Reply 11

randomgirl

14

Personally, I couldn't do it. I don't see why anyone would say they are happy as they are, but feel the need to sleep with other people.

However, your relationship does sound strong, and it seems like both of you have the right attitude towards it.

If you think you are both emotionally strong enough, go for it. But be prepared incase things don't go as you expected.

Reply 12

username47781

20

Ginger_Rogers

You are asking if it will work, but whenever anyone has said it might not, you are just making their argument out to be invalid. Which shows that you obviously think it will work, regardless whether anyone on here expresses otherwise. Which leads me to ask....why make a thread on it??

I agree, it is obvious you are going to do it anyway with the way you have dismissed our arguments.

Reply 13

Schmokie Dragon

17

There is every possibility that it could work. The only way you will ever know is by finding out. But please, be careful and do not underestimate the risk of damaging your relationship. There is not place for insecurity, deception or jealousy in swinging.

Reply 14

stepheh

12

How can you even think of touching another woman..?
Seriously.. I could never swing, because the thought of having sex with another man, whilst being with my boyfriend, repulses me.

Reply 15

tetrahydrocannabinol.

10

You say you think she's bicurious...I reckon she wants to see what it would be like with another woman and maybe test if she's bi or not. That's cool, but you've got to be prepared for it, and the fact that you're posting on here asking about it shows considerable doubt.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Rock Fan

I agree, it is obvious you are going to do it anyway with the way you have dismissed our arguments.

Well I am more interested in hearing arguments and if I simply agree with what has been said then there would be not much point really.

stepheh

How can you even think of touching another woman..?
Seriously.. I could never swing, because the thought of having sex with another man, whilst being with my boyfriend, repulses me.

That used to be my line of thinking and the thought of my girlfriend with another was even worse, although interestingly, the thought of my girlfriend with another girl invoked no emotion. But I think swinging might be different, as it would be a shared experience-with everything being in the open. And also, it would not just be any woman. For one thing, my girlfriend would have to like her before me.

May I be as bold as to ask how long you have been with your boyfriend? Also, how old are you and how many sexual partners have you had?

Reply 17

Ginger_Rogers

7

Anonymous

May I be as bold as to ask how long you have been with your boyfriend? Also, how old are you and how many sexual partners have you had?

Christ, just swing the interrogation light into her face whilst you're at it.

I fail to see what relevance this has?

Reply 18

stepheh

12

Anonymous

May I be as bold as to ask how long you have been with your boyfriend? Also, how old are you and how many sexual partners have you had?

I too dont understand why this has anything to do with.. well.. anything.
I'm 18. boyfriends 19.
We've been together 20 months.

If you're implying that I might feel different when I get older.. I really don't think I will [obv i cant say 100%].

Also, would you be ok with your girlfriend sleeping with another man? As you've only mentioned the prospect of her sleeping with another woman..
Although strangely, if my boyfriend proposed sleeping with another man, it actually wouldnt be as bad as if he wanted to sleep with a woman.
meh.
confusing/

Reply 19

Ducki

10

Everyone loves a swinger... Sorry, it had to come out

From my position now, I would never have a swinging relationship, as it can, ultimately, only end in problems. Sure, be a bit of a swinger when you're single, but in a relationship? Seems a bit dodgy to me.

My £0.02

Can a swinging relationship work?

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