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manipulative and sex obsessed boyfriend

Hi

We've been together for almost a year, he once cheated and is still surrounded by that girl as they're on the same course and in the same friend group, he's very hot and cold - "i want to marry you" a day later I'm single, everything always goes back to sex, if i don't fancy sex he's moody and thinks there is an issue and that he looks like a mug if i turn him down, i lost a lot of my friends because they think he's treating me badly and that he doesn't treat me how you'd treat a girlfriend in the slightest.

I'm with him because I've had some great times with him, he told me some amazing things like that he wants me forever, but at the same time he can snap at me for anything, won't apologise, left loads of physical marks on me..

he will do things behind my back, like book festivals or lads holidays without telling me or even putting it by me to see how i feel about it, I'm not invited to anything but the girl he cheated on me with is. I've brought up feeling upset but he doesn't think i have the right and calls me a psycho.

when he dumps me i always run back, apologise, cry and beg. but the past 3 weeks i felt so drained, i wouldn't even want to kiss him because i could just think of how badly he treats me. but then on the other hand he will tell me how he wants me forever, how prefect i am etc.. so i stay because my brain tells me he's good for me and if I'm too picky ill just end up by myself.

i need advice on what to do. as it stands he is kicking off because i brought up feeling upset that he's going to this festival 2 days after our anniversary so we aren't doing anything because his money is going on that..

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Original post by Anonymous
Hi

We've been together for almost a year, he once cheated and is still surrounded by that girl as they're on the same course and in the same friend group, he's very hot and cold - "i want to marry you" a day later I'm single, everything always goes back to sex, if i don't fancy sex he's moody and thinks there is an issue and that he looks like a mug if i turn him down, i lost a lot of my friends because they think he's treating me badly and that he doesn't treat me how you'd treat a girlfriend in the slightest.

I'm with him because I've had some great times with him, he told me some amazing things like that he wants me forever, but at the same time he can snap at me for anything, won't apologise, left loads of physical marks on me..

he will do things behind my back, like book festivals or lads holidays without telling me or even putting it by me to see how i feel about it, I'm not invited to anything but the girl he cheated on me with is. I've brought up feeling upset but he doesn't think i have the right and calls me a psycho.

when he dumps me i always run back, apologise, cry and beg. but the past 3 weeks i felt so drained, i wouldn't even want to kiss him because i could just think of how badly he treats me. but then on the other hand he will tell me how he wants me forever, how prefect i am etc.. so i stay because my brain tells me he's good for me and if I'm too picky ill just end up by myself.

i need advice on what to do. as it stands he is kicking off because i brought up feeling upset that he's going to this festival 2 days after our anniversary so we aren't doing anything because his money is going on that..


Try and spend a decent amount time away from him, he doesn't sound worth your time at all. As you've said he's manipulative and he's left physical marks on you and that can't be good for your mental health.
Reply 2
OMG GET RID OF HIM!!! why would you waste your life on a loser like that anyway? he obviously doesn't care about you in the slightest.....
Reply 3
Oh, you're going to learn the hard way. Just like most people (Including me) did. Never go back, once you're done. You should be done for good. Stay away from him and focus on better things like reading, drawing, going out with friends and family. He doesn't want you, he wants sex. He has already cheated on you and yet you still believe his words about being with you 'forever'. Yeah right, I've said that to a few girls.
Reply 4
I see someone whose actions everything but show that he loves you and wants to be with you forever. Saying things is very easy, it's just words.

Besides ask yourself, he says he wants to be with you forever, is this what you want for the rest of your life? I would say find the strength to dumb him with dignity and don't go back. Surround yourself with friends, focus on your studies. You will have many other opportunities for love I'm sure.
Reply 5
Original post by alkyone
I see someone whose actions everything but show that he loves you and wants to be with you forever. Saying things is very easy, it's just words.

Besides ask yourself, he says he wants to be with you forever, is this what you want for the rest of your life? I would say find the strength to dumb him with dignity and don't go back. Surround yourself with friends, focus on your studies. You will have many other opportunities for love I'm sure.


he isolated me from everyone. he's like this to me but to his friends he's great, he's great with his family, he cares about doing well and having a successful life, if you look at him he's the perfect guy but then he treats me like that, and i don't know if its me picking issues or if its him actually being a bad boyfriend. he hasn't once bought me flowers, but he's managed to moan about not having sex with me enough times in a week..
If you're going to be that stupid then you deserve it.
Reply 7
Talk to him about what he's done / is doing to you. Give him a list of bad things he's done. Tell him to see the GP to see if he has some psychiatric issues...

Does he drink a lot/is an alcoholic?
Reply 8
I take it you weren't satisfied with TSR's response to your previous thread on this exact topic?
Reply 9
Sorry, I only got halfway through the OP before I lost the will to read any further. Exactly why are you still referring to this guy as your boyfriend? What has he done for you lately?

Done with that and move on girlfriend!
Original post by Anonymous
he isolated me from everyone. he's like this to me but to his friends he's great, he's great with his family, he cares about doing well and having a successful life, if you look at him he's the perfect guy but then he treats me like that, and i don't know if its me picking issues or if its him actually being a bad boyfriend. he hasn't once bought me flowers, but he's managed to moan about not having sex with me enough times in a week..


I'm not suggesting he is a bad person in general, being a good friend and a good son/ brother is completely different to being a boyfriend though. He may not be ready for a committed relationship. Sure he bought you flowers but is this really significant compared to calling you psycho and lying to you? You don't need to explain yourself or your feelings to anyone, these are just questions you need to answer to yourself. Do you think like you cannot do any better? And do you really think he will stay with you forever and at what cost if he has already cheated one year into this relationship?
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by BWV1007
Talk to him about what he's done / is doing to you. Give him a list of bad things he's done. Tell him to see the GP to see if he has some psychiatric issues...

Does he drink a lot/is an alcoholic?


no, he doesn't see the issue either.
Original post by alkyone
I'm not suggesting he is a bad person in general, being a good friend and a good son/ brother is completely different to being a boyfriend though. He may not be ready for a committed relationship. Sure he bought you flowers but is this really significant compared to calling you psycho and lying to you? You don't need to explain yourself or your feelings to anyone, these are just questions you need to answer to yourself. Do you think like you cannot do any better? And do you really think he will stay with you forever and at what cost if he has already cheated one year into this relationship?


i guess I'm afraid ill be alone and that he'll find someone and live the life that i wanted with him
Original post by Anonymous
i guess I'm afraid ill be alone and that he'll find someone and live the life that i wanted with him


alone is relative isn't it? Being with it made you lose friends. You have no guarantees that he is staying with you. From your post I see he left you several times already. Move on, you will only be alone if you hold onto him. The sooner you go the quicker you can go back to being happy and looking for someone that treats you well so you can have the life you want.
mmmmmm babe i have been in the exact same situation as you.... I missed him so much it hurt.... and he just wanted sex and i wasnt willing to give it up that easily he got mad and said he'll forgive me if i send a pic and he pushed and pushed and i evnetually said no... he broke up with me there then.... and i cried every night especially when he got with the girl he said was "just a friend".... but despite how much i wanted him i told myself no im better than that... and do you know what I found someone who loves me way more and treats me like a queen... what I'm basically what i'm saying is... there is aguy out there for you dont stick with this sore loser... you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince charming

hope this helps :u:
Original post by Anonymous
no, he doesn't see the issue either.


Then there's not much you can do to change him... Either he changes or you leave. :frown:
Hi can I ask how old you are obv you should dump him but probably wont as you are already under his thumb
Original post by karl pilkington
Hi can I ask how old you are obv you should dump him but probably wont as you are already under his thumb


19
Original post by Anonymous
Hi

We've been together for almost a year, he once cheated and is still surrounded by that girl as they're on the same course and in the same friend group, he's very hot and cold - "i want to marry you" a day later I'm single, everything always goes back to sex, if i don't fancy sex he's moody and thinks there is an issue and that he looks like a mug if i turn him down, i lost a lot of my friends because they think he's treating me badly and that he doesn't treat me how you'd treat a girlfriend in the slightest.

I'm with him because I've had some great times with him, he told me some amazing things like that he wants me forever, but at the same time he can snap at me for anything, won't apologise, left loads of physical marks on me..

he will do things behind my back, like book festivals or lads holidays without telling me or even putting it by me to see how i feel about it, I'm not invited to anything but the girl he cheated on me with is. I've brought up feeling upset but he doesn't think i have the right and calls me a psycho.

when he dumps me i always run back, apologise, cry and beg. but the past 3 weeks i felt so drained, i wouldn't even want to kiss him because i could just think of how badly he treats me. but then on the other hand he will tell me how he wants me forever, how prefect i am etc.. so i stay because my brain tells me he's good for me and if I'm too picky ill just end up by myself.

i need advice on what to do. as it stands he is kicking off because i brought up feeling upset that he's going to this festival 2 days after our anniversary so we aren't doing anything because his money is going on that..


Imho being manipulative is one of the worst traits one can have in a relationship

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