im terrified of being cheated on

ok i don't know whether anyone else has brought up this post before but i couldn't be bothered to trawl through hundreds of pages.
Ive been going out with my boyfriend for over two years now and we're very much in love. However i have this real issue with him cheating on me, to my knowledge he never has and part of my knows he wouldn't but i'm constantly worried about it. And this upsets him cos it means i don't trust him properly. Its not him specifically but every guy ive trusted in my life has cheated on their partner, so i just don't trust men about this in general. But i know i need to stop otherwise i could end up pushing him into it!!

Reply 1

Ginger_Rogers

7

There is this kind of post like 3 posts down.

Reply 2

randomgirl

14

If he is with you, it's because he wants to be.

Trust is important, if he thinks you don't trust him you might end up pushing him away. Just because other guys have cheated on you, or on people you know, it doesn't mean that you can tarnish all guys with the same brush.

Just remember that he is with you.

Reply 3

Ginger_Rogers

7

randomgirl

If he is with you, it's because he wants to be.

lol, is that your mantra? It isn't applicable in a real life situation.

Reply 4

randomgirl

14

Ginger_Rogers

lol, is that your mantra? It isn't applicable in a real life situation.

Well most people don't stay with someone for any length of time unless they actually want to.

Are you done criticising my posts?

Reply 5

Ginger_Rogers

7

Not quite. You may still want to be with somebody, but at the same time want to sleep with someone else. It isn't rocket science. Otherwise, there would be no divorce proceedings with adultery being cited as the breakdown, surely?

Reply 6

randomgirl

14

Ginger_Rogers

Not quite. You may still want to be with somebody, but at the same time want to sleep with someone else. It isn't rocket science. Otherwise, there would be no divorce proceedings with adultery being cited as the breakdown, surely?

Yeah, divorce happens because one person (or both parties) no longer want to be together.

Reply 7

Ginger_Rogers

7

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I am not an idiot, I know why people get divorced. My point was, if being in a relationship means that your partner is with you for a reason, because he wants *you*, why are there so many cases for adultery in divorce proceedings?

Reply 8

randomgirl

14

Ginger_Rogers

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I am not an idiot, I know why people get divorced. My point was, if being in a relationship means that your partner is with you for a reason, because he wants *you*, why are there so many cases for adultery in divorce proceedings?

Because the person who has cheated, no longer really wants to be with their other half. :rolleyes:

Reply 9

Ginger_Rogers

7

How do you know that though? They may really want to be with their partner, yet also want to sleep with somebody else. Hence cheating. Why else do you think people go to great lengths to cover up any cheating so as not to lose their current relationship?

Reply 10

Meep!

9

randomgirl

Because the person who has cheated, no longer really wants to be with their other half. :rolleyes:

But unfortunately it's not always as simple as that. I'm am not in any way condoning cheating, I think it's despicable, frankly, however I'm to know why it is that you think people cheat on their partner rather than leave their partner?

Reply 11

Insignificant B

Why is that every thread here has the same conclusion lol... this is pathetic...

Reply 12

LuveeDuck

OP

Meep!

But unfortunately it's not always as simple as that. I'm am not in any way condoning cheating, I think it's despicable, frankly, however I'm to know why it is that you think people cheat on their partner rather than leave their partner?

its the temptation factor though isnt it....they know they shouldnt so they do, even if they still love their partner.....

Reply 13

username47781

20

As I said in the other thread, if you can't trust him then why you in a relationship with him? He is with you because he wants you. Seriously you will drive him away if you keep acting like this. I got driven away from ex for the very same reason.

Reply 14

stepheh

12

I don't know mind.. If you're 100% in love with your partner, you wouldn't feel the need to cheat.
People that cheat.. are usually in crap relationships but either don't realise it at the time, or can't be bothered [well.. not cant be bothered.. but its easier to not do anything about it] to do anything about it.

Reply 15

--

3

LuveeDuck

its the temptation factor though isnt it....they know they shouldnt so they do, even if they still love their partner.....

The larger argument in this thread has little to do with your case. You admit there is no basis for your fear of being cheated on, its a completely irrational fear. Sort yourself out or piss your boyfriend off to the point where he gives up and finds someone else.

Reply 16

Meep!

9

LuveeDuck

its the temptation factor though isnt it....they know they shouldnt so they do, even if they still love their partner.....

My bf knows he shouldn't. Therefore he doesn't!

He also knows I'd castrate him with a nice, blunt, rusty axe if he did :p:

...

Reply 17

Anon80008

15

Essentially you can't make him stay faithful and you can't know for certain if he does cheat. Nor can you make yourself trust him. Your best bet is to just mention you worry to him and leave it at that, without making a big deal of it or making a fuss about it.

To worry less maybe see things like this:

Maybe he's worried about you cheating as well because every girl he's cared about has cheated on him? Yet you know you would [hopefully] never do that and that it's illogical to assume that because girls x, y and z did, you would. Similarly, why would he cheat just because guys x, y and z have cheated? Maybe if you approach the subject like that it'll make you worry less?

Hope that helped. :smile:

Reply 18

LuveeDuck

OP

Meep!

My bf knows he shouldn't. Therefore he doesn't!

He also knows I'd castrate him with a nice, blunt, rusty axe if he did :p:

...

oh god yeah he knows ill do that

its so weird though cos i know ill drive him away, and he does know i worry about which helps a little....i just wish to god i woudlnt be so damn paranoid!!! lol

Reply 19

shinytoy

18

all men cheat. the best thing to do it accept it and let him. i used to have a bit of jealousy myself when i was younger. but actually, now i tell all my bfs i dont mind them sleeping with other girls and its cool. my ex slept with 5 other girls and had another gf while i was with him. all of my bfs have slept with 2 or more peopel while i was with them,

if you accept that he is going to cheat on you and say you are ok with it, you'll find he is more open about it and at least you can trust him . that way when he sleeps with another girl, instead of lying about it and pretending it never happened, he can be honest and say yea i slept with so and so. it was a good shag but you know i only love you. and you know he means it. i mean face it, all men cheat. even when you are married, as soon as you get pregnant and look fat like a cow, or when you get old and wrinkly, your husband will cheat on you becuase it is his right to want to sleep with someone younger and prettier.

any man who says he only ever thinks of one woman is lying.

just accept it and move on. as they say in films, face your fear then you will have nothing to be afraid of.

im terrified of being cheated on

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