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    I think it's probably going to be a case of just accepting that this is the deal but does anyone have any advice for dealing with a partner who won't do their share of household chores?

    I'm the first to admit I am not a tidy person, I don't wash up straight away, I don't always put stuff away etc. But I honestly do EVERYTHING cleaning wise at the moment. The deal used to be that one of us cooks and the other washes up but it just never happens and now I've given up trying. I just end up unable to cook another day because everything is dirty and he's gone out rather than wash it. So I shop, cook, wash up, clean everywhere, take the bin bags out/put the bin out/put it back, wash clothes, pay all the bills, deal with anything with the landlord etc. I am at my wits end. I get he's busy but I don't really want to spend my evenings cleaning either, I have stuff I'd like to do with my free time but if I don't clean the house will be hideous.

    He doesn't think it's a 'woman's job' or anything like that. I think most of the time he does intend to do stuff, it just never ends up happening. He's always got something better to do so he does that. And he'll say I 'don't do that much'. I think he doesn't realise just how much cleaning/cooking/washing/shopping I end up doing and how gross things would be if I didn't.

    I have tried saying it's his turn and leaving it but it really just gets disgusting and still nothing happens. A couple of times when it's been pretty messy I've suggested we do a team effort and get everything nice again but after one room he 'has a break' and never gets started again. I've argued with him numerous times. I've tried refusing to do anything I can avoid 'for' him, e.g. not buying him food, not cooking for him etc but he will just go eat at a fast food place somewhere or sit there and moan about being hungry so I feel guilty and to be honest then I have to eat alone which is miserable. I've even tried putting up a chore chart student halls style. I don't know what else to do.

    He can't even do the tiny simple things, like he'll shave and leave beard hairs all over the sink, his shoes/coat are never on the racks even though they're right by the front door, he'll walk past the bins on the street and not bring them back in.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think it's probably going to be a case of just accepting that this is the deal but does anyone have any advice for dealing with a partner who won't do their share of household chores?

    I'm the first to admit I am not a tidy person, I don't wash up straight away, I don't always put stuff away etc. But I honestly do EVERYTHING cleaning wise at the moment. The deal used to be that one of us cooks and the other washes up but it just never happens and now I've given up trying. I just end up unable to cook another day because everything is dirty and he's gone out rather than wash it. So I shop, cook, wash up, clean everywhere, take the bin bags out/put the bin out/put it back, wash clothes, pay all the bills, deal with anything with the landlord etc. I am at my wits end. I get he's busy but I don't really want to spend my evenings cleaning either, I have stuff I'd like to do with my free time but if I don't clean the house will be hideous.

    He doesn't think it's a 'woman's job' or anything like that. I think most of the time he does intend to do stuff, it just never ends up happening. He's always got something better to do so he does that. And he'll say I 'don't do that much'. I think he doesn't realise just how much cleaning/cooking/washing/shopping I end up doing and how gross things would be if I didn't.

    I have tried saying it's his turn and leaving it but it really just gets disgusting and still nothing happens. A couple of times when it's been pretty messy I've suggested we do a team effort and get everything nice again but after one room he 'has a break' and never gets started again. I've argued with him numerous times. I've tried refusing to do anything I can avoid 'for' him, e.g. not buying him food, not cooking for him etc but he will just go eat at a fast food place somewhere or sit there and moan about being hungry so I feel guilty and to be honest then I have to eat alone which is miserable. I've even tried putting up a chore chart student halls style. I don't know what else to do.

    He can't even do the tiny simple things, like he'll shave and leave beard hairs all over the sink, his shoes/coat are never on the racks even though they're right by the front door, he'll walk past the bins on the street and not bring them back in.
    Tell him straight that this isn't good enough, is your relationship good otherwise?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    That would be a massive deal breaker for me. We always share the chores and sometimes he does it for me more than I want him to. If you relationship is otherwise good, sit and have a serious talk with him.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Tell him straight that this isn't good enough, is your relationship good otherwise?
    I've tried. He says I make more mess than him, he does 'more than I realise' and I do 'less than I say'. Honestly, maybe he washes up his own plate after making a sandwich while I'm out once in a blue moon but nothing is ever noticeably cleaned unless I do it.

    Aside from this it is amazing, that's why it's so frustrating. Generally, we communicate well, resolve any problems etc, he's supportive, makes time for me... this is the only thing in my relationship I'm not happy with.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried. He says I make more mess than him, he does 'more than I realise' and I do 'less than I say'. Honestly, maybe he washes up his own plate after making a sandwich while I'm out once in a blue moon but nothing is ever noticeably cleaned unless I do it.

    Aside from this it is amazing, that's why it's so frustrating. Generally, we communicate well, resolve any problems etc, he's supportive, makes time for me... this is the only thing in my relationship I'm not happy with.
    It doesnt matter how much mess one person makes over the other, it should really be a team effort so thats a rubbish excuse on his part really.
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    I guess you just have to keep being assertive. I would not be okay with doing all the cooking and cleaning in the long run.

    Stand your ground more, for example if you cook dinner for you both say beforehand very clearly that he should do the dishes afterwards since you cooked (I'm sure he will agree!) and then when it gets to bedtime and he hasn't done the dishes make it clear that you will be really pissed if he doesn't do them and if he says "I'll do them tomorrow" and thinks you're being petty and that makes you want to back down (I know it make me feel like I'm being a bit petty even though it's not when it happens all the time), DON'T. Keep being annoyed and angry. Do not let it go. Tell him he always says this and then doesn't.

    Honestly I think the only way this will be resolved is if you get annoyed and simply do not back down and stay annoyed until he actually does his share. In the long run this should then *hopefully* make him do it without you having to tell him.

    I do have similar worries for myself as I'm moving in with my boyfriend soon and he's been very looked after for most of his life by his mum and I'm worried he won't pull his own weight when it comes to cleaning... But I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it! I definitely think this is a resolvable issue but it does need to be resolved quickly - in the long run it could lead resentment.
 
 
 
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