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How to reassure single mother about moving out for uni? Watch

    • Thread Starter

    My mum is a single mum and apart from my 12yo brother, I'm the only relative she has in the UK.

    Having said that, I really want to move out for uni - I know I'll be moving back home after uni anyway. I've applied for one uni in London and the rest out (retaking two exams while on my gap year) - one in the North is the one I'm most keen about and the one in London's offer might be too difficult to get.

    My mum was completely adamant I wouldn't be moving out until last year. But then I got a job and now my mum really wants me to stay in London and work here too. But while I plan to still come in for a couple of shifts here and there, I don't fancy staying in London. I need to get out of this city and although I love my mother and she's done a fantastic job and all, she can be frustratingly overprotective sometimes.

    I know she'll be very worried about me and resistant to me moving but she knows that if I want to go, she can't stop me? (As in, she won't lock me in the bathroom, haha. But I know she'll tell me that she'd prefer it if I stay)

    I know she'll be worried about me and although she has friends here, it's not quite the same. I intend to visit as much as I can and to call everyday (I know I'll miss them loads) but I know she'll still worry. As mothers do.

    How do I reassure her that I'll be fine and to make her worry less? I don't intend to go out and I know she'll want me to stay on campus and get catered accommodation if possible. But she worries about everything and I know she tries not to let her anxiety get in the way of her decisions - but I want to try to lessen the emotional impact my moving out will have on them.

    Would be grateful for advice - from both students and parents! I would love to hear some fresh perspectives.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Very Important Poster

    TSR Support Team
    Very Important Poster
    In part, it sounds as though it's a natural thing. You're growing up and leaving home and she's possibly worried about what may happen to you.

    It's difficult to know what to suggest really. Did she ever go to the open days with you to look around the uni?

    So you're the man of the house, and about to move out? That'll be quite a major adjustment for your mum, even before the issue of your 12yr old brother being her only other relative in the UK.

    As a mum myself, I expect she's feeling a lot of conflicting emotions, around concern for your well-being, pride for your achievement, mixed with grief for the end of your dependency on her, and anxiety about how she will feel once you've left. This all reduces to "you're not going."

    Be kind to her. But above all, act with maturity, as this will make it easier for her to realise that it's time for you to move on to the next stage of your life. This will all recur with your younger brother, so you also have a responsibility to him to make it work.
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