Serious illness shutting bf out

A coupleof weeks ago I was diagnosed with a fairly serious illness,which may have a debilitating impact on my whole life :s-smilie:

I have tried to shut my boy-friend out, because it isn't fair to expect him to deal with my illness, he is a really nice guy and I love him very much, but it's difficult to explain to him, that I'm trying to spare him from further pain and don't want to be a burden to him.

I want to break-up, he is resisting,he needs to move on and find another gf,with whom he can have a relationship which isn't complicated by feelings of guilt and a desire to do the *right* thing.

Hopefully,my illness can be dealt with by a surgical intervention and then medication. I'm afraid that his concern for me will affect his life and future negatively.

Anyone any idea how I can resolove my problem? Any helpwould be :cool:

Reply 1

crema

Don't make his decisions for him. If he wants to be there for you and with you, it is his choice. Don't worry about him or his future at the moment but focuse on yourself and what you want. Do _you_ want to dump him because you don't like him anymore or are you just trying to pre-empt a possible future break-up?

If you love him and he wants to be with you, you shouldn't push him away. That's not fair either, for neither of you.

Reply 2

herecomestrouble

I think let him know whats going on in your life and give HIM te option to back out if he wants - let him know that you understand itll be tough and you dont expect anything from him but im sure he will want to be there for you - even if it is just as a friend.
If you split up with him he might get hurt and you will feel bad too - and you dont need that added stress.
Im sorry to hear you have become ill but i hope it gets sorted soon :hugs:

Good Luck
xxx

Reply 3

Cowz

I'd agree with crema about not makign decisions for him. I'd also say there is no shame in being selfish in your situation. It sounds like your in for a tough ride and if he wants to help, why not let him? Without wanting to offend I would also say that, if you're in for a stressful time, maybe having sex with your boyfriend, for example, is just what you need to escape from time to time.

At the very least, perhaps you should wait until you know this illness is for life?

Reply 4

Insignificant B

May i ask what ilness it is you have?

If my girlfriend were to be diagnosed with anything serious i myself would want to be there for her. Perhaps yes in the longterm it might have a negative impact on my life (not sure what you meant be negative) but i love her very much and will never part with her.

If he loves you he will love you whatever. If you do not tell him about this illness or do not let him make his own desicions on whether to stay with you or not then he may feel that you do not trust him..

Mike.

Reply 5

Rouge

Is the illness life-threatening?
If its not that serious, then I'm sure you should just explain everything to him.

Reply 6

simple_things

trust him. if he loves you (and he seems to cos he wants to stay with you, even though you're pushing) then he'll stand by you come hell or high water. it'll be difficult for both of you, but you need to tell him about the illness. be open with him about how you feel too. it'll help him try to understand and he'll be just as open as you.
do you feel like he might reject you because of your illness?

Reply 7

MissHero

I think you should give yourself a bit of time. You've just had some big news and I don't think you should go making any decisions that you might regret in the future. Whilst nobody can force you to stay in the relationship, you can't decide what your boyfriend wants, and if he thinks that you are worth any challenges that this illness might throw at you, do not throw it away on some mistaken attempt at protecting him. If you love somebody, you do not regard them as a burden, and you don't stay with them because you feel guilty.

Reply 8

happydinosaur

I was in a situation like this and initially I kept trying to push everyone close to me away, like my boyfriend because I thought it wasn't fair that he should have to stuck with someone in my condition. I was convinced that I was ruining his life by the fact he was coming to hospital all the time to sit with me but in the end I realised that I was being a bit silly. Someone doesn't stop loving someone else just because the get ill, in fact it seems to make them feel love and want to be there even more. If your boyfriend does love you then telling him you want to break up will do neither of you any good if illness is the only reason. He will want to be there for you and eventually you will come to like having him there with you to be supportive and make you feel better about yourself.

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