Regaining parent's trust?

So, my parents absolutely hate alcohol. It comes from Mum being a GP in Nottingham with a large number of alcoholic patients. Anyway, what with living in Nottingham I went through school being introduced to alcohol and regularly went out to parties and got drunk. One time my family were away so I did the stupid thing and had a party at my house. With my usual luck, parents returned when the party was in full swing and, needless to say, were pretty *******ing pissed off.

That was two years ago now (Now I'm nearly 18) and over that time I thought I'd regained my parent's trust. I honestly am a sensible drinker these days - I'll have two pints at the most and don't even touch spirits. So last weekend they were out at a concert for the night and I was round a friend's house. I was absolutely exhausted, having pulled a couple of all-nighters for my art A-level, but I didn't want to let my friends down by not going. I went, I ate a fairly large meal and I drank two cans of Guiness. Not even close to being tipsy. Anyway, I got the bus home, mumbled something to my brother and finally got a decent night's sleep.

Next evening my parents asked me to come downstairs for a chat. They ranted at me (or at least my mum did) about the dangers of alcohol and drunkeness for about half an hour and how could I go out and get drunk like that. I told them that I hadn't and they explained to me how my brother had told them how I came in staggering and unable to talk, going straight to bed. Again I went for the simple truth, that I was tired from late nights working. "Do you expect us to believe that?" was the response from mum. She absolutely won't believe a word I say. It turns out that her 'eyes were opened' by my party two years ago and she actually believes that every time I've gone out with my friends I have got utterly pissed.

The whole thing has been getting worse since that lecture because any slight disagreement I have with my bastard obnoxious brother results in him shouting "Yeah well at least I'm not a drunk like you". My parents are threatening to cut off all my Uni funding next year if they suspect I am going out drinking at all, and seeing my friends without being under their supervision is completely out of the question.

How can I fix this? The only people who know that I don't drink excessively are my friends, who my mum treats as if they're Satan's minions or something.

EDIT: Just to be clear, this isn't an 'I hate my parents' thread, I love them and respect their choice not to drink. But I can't take this complete distrust of me.

Reply 1

Insignificant B

Your mother obviously thinks that all teenagers go out and get completely drunk. What if you went out with your friends again but this time 1) dont drink 2) dont go after having late nights.

If you can get home in a good state then chat to your parents. Show that you can go out without getting completely drunk.

Mike.

Reply 2

Angelil

19

Which parent do you want to regain the trust of? Oh sorry, you mean both parents :p:

Anyway, I think your parents should trust you more. While I can understand their concerns, I don't think you've done anything wrong, and that you all need to sit down and have a chat about it when things have calmed down.

Reply 3

Yorkiebar

OP

~wibble~

Your mother obviously thinks that all teenagers go out and get completely drunk. What if you went out with your friends again but this time 1) dont drink 2) dont go after having late nights.

If you can get home in a good state then chat to your parents. Show that you can go out without getting completely drunk.

Mike.

But that's what I have been doing for two years! Seriously, in that entire time I've been drunk twice, and both those times I stayed over at a friends rather than going home.

Reply 4

Insignificant B

You need to talk to your parents and explain things... tell them to listen... if you are honest with them and tell them everything then they should see that it is honesty that you speak...

Mike.

Reply 5

mrsmann

2

Try not to be so arrogant.

Reply 6

Insignificant B

mrsmann

Try not to be so arrogant.

Directed at??

Reply 7

scutt

1

Can you get a summer job? Get a routine, save lots of money. It's got two awesomeo bonuses, the first is it shows you can hold down a job responsibly, and it also covers you if they cut you off.

It seems they've got their mind made up on that night, which sucks, so find other ways of showing that you're a responsible person. This probably won't be an over-nighter.

Reply 8

Ginger_Rogers

7

mrsmann

Try not to be so arrogant.

Says the person asking forum members how to exact revenge on his mother because she wakes him up at 8 20am :rolleyes:

Reply 9

Ywiss

15

Maybe ask them how you can prove to them that you're trustworthy now? Perhaps something like this:

You: Mum, Dad, can I talk to you about that discussion we had?

Them: Bah, arg, etc

You: Okay, I really do understand why you're concerned about me getting drunk, especially after that stupid party 2 years ago. But I was a kid then, and I know it was an awful thing to do, but I do feel slightly hurt that you think I haven't grown up at all since then.

Them: Grah, drunkeness, grah

You: (Don't raise your voice. Wait patiently for them to finish) Every time I've gone out with my friends I've drunk responsibly (I wouldn't mention the two times you overdid it :biggrin:

) - in fact that stupid party has made me even more aware of the need to not overdo it.

(If they interrupt you here, you could say...)
You: Now I waited patiently for you to finish, so can you now wait for me to finish please?

Them: Grr, bah

You: The night I came home after going to my friend's house, I was not drunk. I had two beers, that's all. You know how late I've been working. I was tired when I came home, and I didn't feel the need to make proper conversation with my brother.

Them: Gah, etc

You: So what I want to ask you is, since you don't trust me when I say that I am drinking responsibly, what can I do to prove it to you? Because I've tried coming home sober, but it doesn't seem to work. So tell me - how can I prove it to you?

That way, the onus is on them to figure something out. They'll see that there's no way of allowing you to "prove" that you're not getting drunk if they refuse to believe that you are sober when you come home.

Good luck!

Reply 10

Yorkiebar

OP

scutt

Can you get a summer job? Get a routine, save lots of money. It's got two awesomeo bonuses, the first is it shows you can hold down a job responsibly, and it also covers you if they cut you off.

It seems they've got their mind made up on that night, which sucks, so find other ways of showing that you're a responsible person. This probably won't be an over-nighter.

I'm already looking for jobs, have been for a faily long while now. I was only thinking about earning some money, but now that I think about it you're totally right about the responsibility thing too. Thanks :smile:

EDIT: And thanks Ywiss, that sounds just about perfect, I'll give it a try after they've cooled down a little more.

Reply 11

Insignificant B

Good luck. :biggrin:

Reply 12

notsoperfect

1

seeing as you are a sensible drinker to start with and only ever drink a few pints, surely you won't miss out much by stopping drinking for a bit? i do i think that your parents are completely unreasonable - it's not like you're going out and doing a gram of coke a night :frown:

however, if they're threatening to cut off your uni fudning, i suppose you've got to do what they say. i doubt you will miss alcohol much if you hardly drink anyway...

Reply 13

</gibberish>

12

Only one gram :eek:

Reply 14

Chewwy

17

sorry, but what's wrong with nottingham?

Reply 15

Chewwy

17

having just read this thread, i think your parents are idiots.

edit: just read your profile... "I'm working on eroding my brain away with alcohol."

oh dear william...

Reply 16

Yorkiebar

OP

That was written a long while ago, a few hours after one of the two times I got bladdered in fact.

As for the Nottingham thing, I've found that in general I've been exposed to a lot of 'alcohol culture' living here, though that may be true for any large city I suppose?

Thanks again for the advice guys.

Reply 17

Insignificant B

Ok my girlfriend is from Nottigham and says that it is mass binge drinking culture and people are scared to go out on the street in day time let alone at night.

Mike.

Reply 18

The Bishman

8

Just to mention:

Even if your parents didnt support you financialy going to university, you can still go with no problem what so ever.

I out of choice chose for my parents not to support me with any money etc, and just to add I dont qualify for any burseries or grants as they earn way to much for that.

I just applied to the SLC like you do, apply for both a maintence and tution fee loan and voila...instant uni money, and its for the entire 3+ years of your course, so really them not giving you money for uni is an empty threat and should be ignored.

Reply 19

h-rach

Can you drive? Giving lifts to your friends when you go out should squash any suspicions that you'd be drinking and would demonstrate your responsibilty. Obviously thats unless your parents are so paranoid that they think you'd drink and drive.

On another note, your brother sounds...annoying to say the least.

Good luck

Regaining parent's trust?

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