Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Too complicated? Or interested? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I know this one of a multitude of threads saying "can't tell if she likes me" and puts too much faith in internet strangers perhaps, but this is really starting to get to me and I need to vent. Apologies for how detailed this is gonna be, I'll put a TL;DR in at the end, although I'd really appreciate you going for the full slog.

    I'm on a gap year at the moment, slightly over three months to go. There's a girl I know at the place I work who I've developed a full-blown crush on. I suppose I've always had one on her, but on and off (based on how much attention she gives me because I'm a recovering narcissist). For a while it was just harmless because it'd go away, and I didn't know her that well before, but now I can't stop thinking about her.

    For:

    At the beginning of my year we met up outside of work with other friends from work a few times. She had recently qualified after fumbling around with what she wanted to do in life and so was new to working full time too. The meet-ups were always very nice: some good banter, but I wouldn't say there was an ocean of sexual tension between us, probably affected by the fact we weren't alone. We started to get to know each other better, and we sorta jokingly, sorta seriously made plans for her to come to my accommodation at some point where we'd get drunk together on cheap wine and talk about deep feelings.
    I was as confused then as I am now about how she meant that. I mean it comes across as either a coronation of my position as a best-friend, or an invitation to hook-up. I always thought she just thought of me as a younger brother though, seeing as she's nearly 24 and I'm 19.

    At some of these meet-ups with colleagues she looked absolutely stunning, and I genuinely wouldn't be able to find my words around her. She picked up on that and was very flattered in a way that gave the impression my opinion was very important to her.

    Fast forward a few months to the present and we finally had enough free time to meet up. Spontaneously she invited me to come shopping with her in a nearby town (she's a local, I'm not), I came along, in the first 20 minutes or so we found a gift. After which point we decided we'd make the most of the trip anyway, and looked around. It felt almost like a film in the way we'd walk around from tea store to ice-parlour to cinema. After the film she decided we'd go back to mine to try out the tea we bought. We ended up talking from 11pm to 4pm, which I've never done before. Turns out we're really similar people, but with enough differences for things to be interesting. She also joked that we'd go to the cinema and have sex in a film about being single as a way of sticking it to the man or whatever.

    The next day we went out for sushi with another friend from work, she left early, so my crush and I wandered around the town at night, talking like yesterday, and because she liked yesterday so much she decided we should go back to mine again rather than to a bar. Same procedure as last time, talking really deeply, listening to music, singing to Taylor Swift (not as bad as I thought it'd be), her teaching me to dance to Latino music, me giving her a neck and shoulder massage. 11pm to 2:30am. When she left I was overwhelmed, I really started to miss her, and I'm seriously hoping that the next time we can meet up won't be long from now.

    Against:
    Now all of the above is basically a slap in the face screaming "she likes you, what are you doing??" - I know. But here's the real crux:

    About 90% of the time we were talking was on deep issues, and about 60% of that deep talk was about her ex. Long story short she still isn't fully over him (although apparently after she was able to talk to me about it, she stopped worrying about him), which is something which really affects her I think. As I mentioned earlier she also is five years older than me, and has in the past gone for slightly older guys as they're more mature and she likes being able to learn things from her partner (ie. their stability etc.) - now I think I'm pretty mature for my age, but I'm probably a maximum of 5 years more mature than my age, rather than 10 years. I don't know if that automatically would rule me out or something.

    Underneath her façade of confidence she's really insecure about herself and isn't sure what she wants. I'm not sure if she feels ready for a relationship, even though she does want one.

    I tried asking how much of a joke the sex in the cinema thing was, but she understood that as me asking whether she'd actually have sex in a cinema, rather than whether she'd actually have sex with me. I chickened out of explaining the question I was really after.

    Also I'm not here for much longer, so I think it's apparent to both of us that even if we do like each other, it'd be quite futile, unless we really fall for each other and try to make it work.

    I don't know - I'm really confused. I'm afraid that if I just directly ask her (I know that's the best thing to do), and she just thinks of me as a brother it'll make the working environment really quite awkward (although come to think of we don't actually have that many shifts together.



    TL;DR: I'm crushing really hard, there are so many hints that in any normal situation would be a very obvious "I like you", but because she's quite complicated as a person, isn't fully over her ex, likes slightly older guys, isn't fully sure of what she wants and the fact that I'm leaving in a few months, I'm really doubting of how she feels.

    Any advice/sympathy/trollingcomments would be greatly appreciated.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    I'm on a gap year at the moment
    I'm not here for much longer, so I think it's apparent to both of us that even if we do like each other, it'd be quite futile
    I'm not sure if she feels ready for a relationship
    in the past gone for slightly older guys as they're more mature and she likes being able to learn things from her partner
    she's nearly 24 and I'm 19
    and about 60% of that deep talk was about her ex. Long story short she still isn't fully over him
    If you choose to act on your feelings despite these facts, be prepared to embrace the friend-zone.

    Or if you're 'lucky', and she returns your affection, know that when you eventually leave it will hurt so much more.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Leftee)
    If you choose to act on your feelings despite these facts, be prepared to embrace the friend-zone.

    Or if you're 'lucky', and she returns your affection, know that when you eventually leave it will hurt so much more.
    That's what I'm worried about really - although if I'm already in the friend zone because she doesn't like me, there can't be anything wrong with just letting her know how I feel anyway, assuring her that I just want to be open rather than expect the same from her?
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    there can't be anything wrong with just letting her know how I feel anyway, assuring her that I just want to be open rather than expect the same from her?
    If you insist on making your feelings known to her then at least do it with balls. Telling her you just wanted to be open / don't expect feelings to be reciprocated, screams "I'm a weeaboo".
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Leftee)
    If you insist on making your feelings known to her then at least do it with balls. Telling her you just wanted to be open / don't expect feelings to be reciprocated, screams "I'm a weeaboo".
    well that's not what a weeaboo is but I take your point, thanks
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I think you are friendzoned. No harm in making a move or asking her out, PROVIDING if she says no you move on swiftly and don't waste lots of time on angst.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 24, 2016
Poll
Are you going to a festival?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.