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    I see a lot of 16-21 year olds crying that they have no friends no relationships etc and the only advice they are ever given is "sit back and do nothing, everything will be okay one day" But does that actually happen? Is there anyone here whose life went from hated loser to lots of friends and loving relationship? Never happened to me. At 18 nobody liked me, and absolutely nothing has changed seven years later. From my own experiences and seeing studies on bullying, acne, autism etc the truth is that most people with low self esteem/poor social skills never grow out of it.
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    Don't think the advise is to do nothing, to be honest. You have to play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Not always easy I grand you. But you would be surprised life is relentlessly stressful for many..
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    Yes, and they also get worse. Just wait honestly, can't hurt to know as many people as possible though
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    Don't think the advise is to do nothing, to be honest. You have to play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Not always easy I grand you. But you would be surprised life is relentlessly stressful for many..
    Everyone I've met their lives really weren't that stressful. Got along with their family, had a couple friends, 1 or 2 relationships, a job or in some sort of study.
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    (Original post by Venusian Visitor)
    I see a lot of 16-21 year olds crying that they have no friends no relationships etc and the only advice they are ever given is "sit back and do nothing, everything will be okay one day" But does that actually happen? Is there anyone here whose life went from hated loser to lots of friends and loving relationship? Never happened to me. At 18 nobody liked me, and absolutely nothing has changed seven years later. From my own experiences and seeing studies on bullying, acne, autism etc the truth is that most people with low self esteem/poor social skills never grow out of it.
    See bold. I can honestly say that I am one of those people.

    The thing with "Give it time" and other such advice is that, whilst it's true to a certain degree, it doesn't really highlight what you should be doing, which is to continue living your life the way you want to live it, doing the things that make you happy and making the improvements you want to make. You can't just sit back and do literally nothing, but what you can do is make the most of what you have. Everything WILL beokay one day, so long as you continue to make steps in the direction you want to go in, no matter how small.

    For me, I was bullied in high school and college and didn't really have a lot of friends. I was very much the loner, as a result of my experiences I developed depression and social anxiety, and I just felt incredibly bad about myself and how my life had turned out. Yet, no matter how much I had to endure and how much I wanted to give up, I persisted through it all. Months after leaving college I found myself in a loving relationship and a stable job for the next few years. Presently, I'm getting good grades at uni whilst also working, expanding upon my skills, making lots of friends etc. Hard work and determination does eventually pay off, but you have to get through all the shite beforehand.
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    See bold. I can honestly say that I am one of those people.

    The thing with "Give it time" and other such advice is that, whilst it's true to a certain degree, it doesn't really highlight what you should be doing, which is to continue living your life the way you want to live it, doing the things that make you happy and making the improvements you want to make. You can't just sit back and do literally nothing, but what you can do is make the most of what you have. Everything WILL beokay one day, so long as you continue to make steps in the direction you want to go in, no matter how small.

    For me, I was bullied in high school and college and didn't really have a lot of friends. I was very much the loner, as a result of my experiences I developed depression and social anxiety, and I just felt incredibly bad about myself and how my life had turned out. Yet, no matter how much I had to endure and how much I wanted to give up, I persisted through it all. Months after leaving college I found myself in a loving relationship and a stable job for the next few years. Presently, I'm getting good grades at uni whilst also working, expanding upon my skills, making lots of friends etc. Hard work and determination does eventually pay off, but you have to get through all the shite beforehand.
    That's nice to hear. However you said you got your girlfriend straight after college meaning you were likely under 21. is this true.
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    You can turn your life around at any age. But you have to want to change it by doing the work to do so. It doesn't just arrive for you one day like a long lost letter.

    Yes, things do eventually change for people as they grow up but this is often in correlation with a change in attitude and/or behaviour. Maybe they are more confident, maybe they couldn't give a rats ass if it's cool to do this hobby or that one. Basically they grow into themselves. And if that's not the issue holding you back, maybe there's something unresolved getting in your way.

    For me, I still really struggle to maintain relationships. I generally believe people don't like me and just humour me. Even though I know on another level that isn't true, the belief itself magnifies my anxiety and I pull away from people. But, I work hard to fight it and build new relationships...which works. I might still be surprised when people actually want to spend time with me but I'm gaining so much from being proactive.
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    You can turn your life around at any age. But you have to want to change it by doing the work to do so. It doesn't just arrive for you one day like a long lost letter.

    Yes, things do eventually change for people as they grow up but this is often in correlation with a change in attitude and/or behaviour. Maybe they are more confident, maybe they couldn't give a rats ass if it's cool to do this hobby or that one. Basically they grow into themselves. And if that's not the issue holding you back, maybe there's something unresolved getting in your way.

    For me, I still really struggle to maintain relationships. I generally believe people don't like me and just humour me. Even though I know on another level that isn't true, the belief itself magnifies my anxiety and I pull away from people. But, I work hard to fight it and build new relationships...which works. I might still be surprised when people actually want to spend time with me but I'm gaining so much from being proactive.
    Funny I find the harder I try to maintain friendships, the worse I do.
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    If you want something in life you've got to earn it 💯
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    (Original post by Venusian Visitor)
    That's nice to hear. However you said you got your girlfriend straight after college meaning you were likely under 21. is this true.
    I was 18.
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    You need to make real friends.

    When I broke up with my ex I didn't text my mate back home for about 2 months, flat out ignored him. I was a bad friend, he forgave me, now we're really close again. Most relationships don't last because they aren't built on solid foundations.
 
 
 
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