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    i have spent a while typing this to make sure that I write down what I mean.

    A short back story, we met at Uni through a society. She asked me out after a few months of casual flirting at socials. We were both quite popular and we had a large mutual friendship group. She went to do a placement year and I did my 3rd year at uni. We always managed to see each other every two week over that year. I graduated and found it hard to get employment and she came back to the uni. I stayed at the uni and looked for jobs, finding a part time job that I really liked.

    We were in the same city for around 3 months, I then found a permanent job around 4 hours away. I moved and we managed to see each other every 2 weeks, She then decided that she wanted to go travelling when she finished uni, I had been applying to job throughout my employment and managed to get a graduate scheme. She wanted to go solo travelling and I respected that, I went to Europe for 2 months with some friends and she went to Asia.

    We talked every now and then and texted more often and then over night the messages basically stopped. She arrived back in the UK when the messages stopped, I was still abroad for a few more weeks. She assured me that nothing was wrong, The day, 4 hours to be precise after I got back she texted me and said we needed to talk. So after getting back I went to meet her, she broke up with me then and then. She said she wasn't in love with me and that she just didn't accept me (after 2.5 years), we spoke for a little and I left. She was in tears through out the whole event and apologising every other sentence.

    We never spoke again, we both moved away for jobs and that is about it. The day after she broke up with me, her best friend contacted me and said how sorry she was to hear that we had broken up and that she hoped the ending hadn't spoiled the journey and that she thought that the ex though you'd be better off with out her - this annoyed me but I took it with as good a grace that I could muster.

    We never had a large argument over the 2.5 years and all our friends though we were the couple that were going to get married etc, and that was my intention, I was completely smitten and very very happy.

    Since the breakup though, I haven't been well. I'm in a well paying job, but I don't enjoy it. But the money is too good to turn down, I'm not in a great part of the world but I am moving very soon to a rather nice part of the UK. However I just feel crap.

    I don't like what I have become; I'm bitter, mean, I shut people down, keep to myself as everyone annoys me, I feel broken, tired, upset, angry, disappointed - I have become the opposite of what I was at Uni I. I've gained weight. I wonder why it happened constantly and I relive it most nights and it upsets me every time. I don't sleep well, never more than a few hours at a time. I have lost enjoyment with the majority of my hobbies and feel that life is just a little less enjoyable. People around me can see that I am unhappy but I have stopped letting people get close to me. I don't want to have my heart broken again.

    I'm just tired and really don't know what to do. It's been 8 months and I'm just daydreaming through life, remembering better and happier times.

    essay and rant over :/
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    Hey buddy,

    The end of a meaningful relationship always sucks; you invest a great deal of time and energy into a single person, only for it to end and you left being confused and emotional. Sometimes we don't get the closure we would like, but at the end of the day the only choice you have available to you is to move on with your life, as hard as that is. I don't want to start passing judgement on what happened, as at the end of the day the only person who can provide answers is your ex and she's unlikely to tell 100% of the truth, but from the sounds of it during your time apart she realized that things weren't going to work out between you in the long run. If I were being more cynical, I would hazard a guess and say that she met someone else.

    My relationship ended a year ago in a similar way, and like you I became the worst version of myself in the immediate aftermath and the months that followed. My depression returned, I had a mental breakdown, and all-in-all I just turned into this grumpy, pessimistic, hateful guy who had completely shut off from the good around him. It has taken me the good part of an entire year, plus counselling/therapy, to start getting out of that rut. I have pushed myself further than I ever thought I could, just to see the light again. I don't know precisely how you are dealing with this pain, but eight months is a long time and I would hope you should start seeing some improvement soon.

    Do not blame yourself for the relationship ending. It happens. Instead, acknowledge that you have shared your life with someone who meant something with you, but your paths through life were not meant to run side by side. Continue to do what you are doing, but also strive to make improvements in your life whether that be physically or mentally. Remember that you had a life before this person, and you can have a life after. Take up a new hobby, make new friends, keep yourself busy. In time, things will begin to improve for you.

    PM me if you want to talk privately.
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    meh if we all knew how to cope with heartbreak counsellors wouldn't have a job.

    Anyway hope you manage to get through it ok
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    Sorry to hear that man :/

    This is the main reason I dont have a GF. You cant trust relationships in the UK. TV society has tricked everyone into thinking that its important to have early sex and relationships, but that is not the case. Its all about patience.

    Hopefully I never fall down that path, luckily for you, this is a lesson learnt
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    Hey buddy,

    The end of a meaningful relationship always sucks; you invest a great deal of time and energy into a single person, only for it to end and you left being confused and emotional. Sometimes we don't get the closure we would like, but at the end of the day the only choice you have available to you is to move on with your life, as hard as that is. I don't want to start passing judgement on what happened, as at the end of the day the only person who can provide answers is your ex and she's unlikely to tell 100% of the truth, but from the sounds of it during your time apart she realized that things weren't going to work out between you in the long run. If I were being more cynical, I would hazard a guess and say that she met someone else.

    My relationship ended a year ago in a similar way, and like you I became the worst version of myself in the immediate aftermath and the months that followed. My depression returned, I had a mental breakdown, and all-in-all I just turned into this grumpy, pessimistic, hateful guy who had completely shut off from the good around him. It has taken me the good part of an entire year, plus counselling/therapy, to start getting out of that rut. I have pushed myself further than I ever thought I could, just to see the light again. I don't know precisely how you are dealing with this pain, but eight months is a long time and I would hope you should start seeing some improvement soon.

    Do not blame yourself for the relationship ending. It happens. Instead, acknowledge that you have shared your life with someone who meant something with you, but your paths through life were not meant to run side by side. Continue to do what you are doing, but also strive to make improvements in your life whether that be physically or mentally. Remember that you had a life before this person, and you can have a life after. Take up a new hobby, make new friends, keep yourself busy. In time, things will begin to improve for you.

    PM me if you want to talk privately.
    I would put a decent sized bet on that she didn't cheat on me. No way of knowing for sure but she never was good being a liar. Having though about it more there were some definite toxic elements, she would never let mistakes go.

    Bust apart from that which will take me time to come to terms with, I'm sure they will but there are always constant reminders, some of my friends after 8 months didn't even know we had broken up so every now and then I have to redo the how it happened conversation.
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    (Original post by GingerJoe)

    We never spoke again,

    I don't like what I have become; I'm bitter, mean, I shut people down, keep to myself as everyone annoys me, I feel broken, tired, upset, angry, disappointed -
    Yep...
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    I typed out some advice, then promptly realised I was talking complete *******s so stopped.

    Take 2:
    Break ups suck and I'm sorry you still feel like turd. However. She's gone. You're doing well for yourself. Look at the positives. Yes you feel like utter arse and that is acceptable if she was the girl you planned on marrying. Take some more time, pick up a funky hobby, like the drums (what isn't appealing about smashing the living testicles out of a cymbal?). Go out more, hang out with your friends, see your family. Be social. Distract yourself. If you still feel dreadful and it isn't shifting soon, go and see somebody professional. CBT may be offered to you, useful in helping people struggling to cope in all kinds of sh*tty situations.

    Good luck in getting yourself on track buddy.

    Hugs x
 
 
 
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