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I want my man back.. need opinions etc please would be very greatful

Hi! My boyfriend split up with me about a month ago now. We are both 19 and were together for 10 months. Every moment we spent together was wonderful. He treated me like an angel and we got on like a house on fire. We never had serious arguements. He said I love you first and eventually I said it back. He often talked about moving in together, our future together etc and was always complimenting me. Then out of the blue one day he finished it he cried his eyes out with me and said how sorry he was but didn't give reasons. He promised me there was no ther girl! And i believed him. Less than a week later he had another girl. I know for a fact nothing was going on between them before. They decided after they liked each other and to give it a shot. It doesn't really seem like it's working out between thm though. The major problem is another girl though. He has known her 3 years but she lives miles away and he sees her very very occasionaly. But i have found out they started talking again last 2 weeks of our relationship. She is 16. He insists it was nothing to do with her why he finished it. We have met up lots since we split and we are trying to be best friends harder for me of course as i am madly in love with him. we cuddle all the time and i still get pecks and i can tell he does like spending time with me. but he has made it clear he doesnt want to be with me now. he said we might be together in the future. which is crap. everyone says i will move on and i should do better. but im not just saying this i do love him he is the one i dont ever want anyone else. i dont know what to do. it is so incredibly hard. i keep telling him his new gfs wont like me meeting him but he insists they wont and it wont affect our friendship. nobody understands why hes done this to me. i want him back. plz voice your opinions and if you want to know anything else let me know thank you. sorry its so long

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aw hun i feel for you, but by him saying 'we might be together in the future' shows he is just wanting to have his cake and eat it. he has to decide what he wants now, if you just hang around and wait then he's laughing.
i don't think you can be best friends after having such an intense relationship personally, sometimes the easiest way to get over someone is to just cut them out your life completely.
Reply 2
I really really dont want to lose him though. he keeps me going. its so crap. i know he loves me in his own way he's just so immature. im at that stage i know what i want and thats to settle down with him but looks like he wants to still have fun. he really doesnt even understand so how im meant to i have no idea!
Reply 3
please x
Reply 4
I'm sure you could get him back if you tried enough and you did it just right, but we can't tell you how.
Only you know what makes him tick.
Reply 5
well i thought we were ok! well we were weep. I just don't want to try too hard and push him away you know??? people keep telling me not to contact him at all but wouldnt that mean im not interested anymore argh x
He isn't treating you very well really, he can't dump you but send mixed signals by cuddling and kissing you. As turkish said, he's wanting to have his cake and eat it.

I think the only way you'll be able to get over your break-up is to distance yourself from him, don't see him so much.

I suggest you talk to him one more time, have a proper discussion. Ask him if he wants you, and if he says no, take it as his final answer so to speak. Then cut him off for a bit.

I know it's hard, but you can't let him put you through emotional torment on the premise that he'll want to be with you again sometime in the future.

xx
Reply 7
I think you should be careful that if you do get back together that he is sure about it etc.
He sounds like an Ok guy. It's easy to have confused feelings at your (and my age (im 19 too) and so maybe he is right, maybe in the future it'll be the right time.
I'd reccomend staying his friend, keeping a little distance as far as physical conact goes and just be there for him. Maybe back of a little so that he feels a loss of your presence.

Just remember that it will all work out somehow. So smile :smile:
Reply 8
There is nothing worse than someone who doesn't accept a relationship is over and either begs or grovels to get it back. Respect the fact that he no longer wants to be with you, hold your head up high and find someone else. He is leading you on by kissing and cuddling you and you need to open your eyes and see that. Don't let him mess you around.
Reply 9
I do know that yes but i do believe he wants to be friends with me. we've spoke numerous times. hes just my best friend too and i dont want to lose him for good. i find it so hard not contacting him. i just wish i knew what went wrong but he says he doesnt know he just feels like he didnt love me as much as i loved him and didnt want to hurt me any more blah blah x
I remember being in a really similar situation as you a few months ago. My ex broke up with me whilst I was still in love with him, then found another girlfriend in the space of a few weeks. It hurt. Like hell.

I trully feel for you and understand how much it hurts but I think you need to stop clinging on to what he said about being together in the future. It sounds like he's stringing you along to me, keeping you in reserve in case he changes his mind or his new relationship gets a bit rocky. But before we make assumptions I think you should try and find out why he broke up with you. I think you have every right to know his motivations and it will help you get some closure. Only then can you see if you may have something together in the future. I'd recommend that you don't dwell on that though. You need to move on, try and distance yourself from him for the time being, give yourself time to heal, to reassess your feelings and tehn try and be friends. Trust me it's not going to work if you're still in love with him and he's with some other girl.
Reply 11
I don't want to be too blunt, but you really don't have a friendship with him. A friendship has to be mutual, but you loving him and him not loving you is not mutual. Nor does one use one's friend as 'back-up' to one's girlfriend.

I'm sure he is a nice guy, but I think it's best to accept that it's over and find someone new. Even if you do get him back, which is sadly, yet also fortunately, unlikely, it simply won't be same.
BlackHawk
There is nothing worse than someone who doesn't accept a relationship is over and either begs or grovels to get it back. Respect the fact that he no longer wants to be with you, hold your head up high and find someone else. He is leading you on by kissing and cuddling you and you need to open your eyes and see that. Don't let him mess you around.


^ good post ^
Reply 13
he says he does love me as a friend tho and i believe him. i dont want anyone else though thats the problem i really dont
I used to be in a relationship, no where near as serious as yours but i thought I really cared for him (which looking back was very silly as I hadn't been with him long and didn't really know him), he broke up with me entirely out of the blue through a text when he was coming to my house that night and the reason he gave me just didnt ring true, anywayyyyy I eventually just text him saying look i'm messed up over this I dont believe the reason you gave for dumping me and i deserve to know the real reason. He told me and although it wasn't nice I at least knew! Your relationship is clearly much more serious than ours ever was but you never know being really blunt might be worth it if you want to know whats going on! (Sorry that took so long)
Reply 15
well i have asked numerous times and all ive really got is it wasnt working ... which is odd considering up until a few days before we split he was doing the whole i want to be with u forever we will never split up thing. ive told him it really upsets me that he wont give it a chance. but he cant help being him. hes a very confused person so i dont even try to understand him. i know he cares for me a lot at least thats something. its horrible though ive had a fair few boy frineds now and thought i loved a couple but this was completely different. i know i am in love with this guy and i dont want to and cant move on whatever everyone keeps telling me. i just wish he was more mature because i do believe what we had was love and was wonderful, i dont know what went wrong.
Reply 16
Awwwwwww!!! How sweettt!! Ok heres what you do... Make him think your doing fine without him, like youve moved on! You can tell him you still like him, but dont say you love him, u need to be that girl you first were when he started to like you... When you didnt know him...

I know its hard... But PRETEND!!! lol

(Oh n btw... DONT get with someone infront of him... Itll be obvious ur tryna make him jealous, n hell think ur a sket! lol)
Reply 17
Lol ok thanks i'll try a bit harder to be like that then! seeing him tonight which will be nice! I'm getting better at the friends thing i just hope we can become more again more than anything
Reply 18
Erica
Lol ok thanks i'll try a bit harder to be like that then! seeing him tonight which will be nice! I'm getting better at the friends thing i just hope we can become more again more than anything

Oh okkkk good oportunity to try n see if what I was sayin will work, pay attention to him, but significantly less (enough so he will notice) he'll prolly start wonderin whats up, jus act different with him, still be super nice... But thats all... Sit away from him... U know... Things like that, you could try talking to other guys in front of him... But not flirting...

Might work??
He must have had his reasons for breaking up with you, even if he hasn't chosen to tell you. It may have been that there was another girl, like you said... or it may just have been that he didn't feel the same way any more. And if that's the case, there's nothing you can do about it.

If I were in this situation, I'd cut all contact for a while and move on. When you're over him, then you can re-start the friendship, when you know that you're not going to develop feelings for him again. But don't let this go on: you're getting hurt more and more as time passes. Accept that things have changed and that you're not going to be in a relationship, but take that as motivation to move on with your life. There's more to life than just the one guy.