Why am I never that girl?

I've had a few relationships, one serious, and some that built themselves up but then weren't meant to be. My first love dumped me and we stayed friends but its been incredibly painful for me, especially when he started seeing somebody else, who treated him like utter rubbish and hurt him all the time. She cheated on him and he caught her, and she lied constantly, yet the whole time he seemed to love her more than he had ever loved me. This will probably sound biased but I was a really devoted girlfriend, I was always really thoughtful and took the time out to spend time with him and listen to his problems. I feel like this has led to me being taken for granted a lot in my relationships, not just that one but just my general nature because I like to look after people, I do a lot for them when I care about them. My most recent relationship led to the guy telling me he still had feelings for his ex, who lives millions of miles away and is seeing somebody else, she doesn't even give him the time of day. I don't know what to do because I really want a relationship with someone who wont treat me this way and love a girl who treats them like crap instead of someone who would be constantly there for them. I just dont know what to do right now and I'm feeling so down and depressed and like I'll never find that person.

Reply 1

tetrahydrocannabinol.

10

Anonymous

I've had a few relationships, one serious, and some that built themselves up but then weren't meant to be. My first love dumped me and we stayed friends but its been incredibly painful for me, especially when he started seeing somebody else, who treated him like utter rubbish and hurt him all the time. She cheated on him and he caught her, and she lied constantly, yet the whole time he seemed to love her more than he had ever loved me. This will probably sound biased but I was a really devoted girlfriend, I was always really thoughtful and took the time out to spend time with him and listen to his problems. I feel like this has led to me being taken for granted a lot in my relationships, not just that one but just my general nature because I like to look after people, I do a lot for them when I care about them. My most recent relationship led to the guy telling me he still had feelings for his ex, who lives millions of miles away and is seeing somebody else, she doesn't even give him the time of day. I don't know what to do because I really want a relationship with someone who wont treat me this way and love a girl who treats them like crap instead of someone who would be constantly there for them. I just dont know what to do right now and I'm feeling so down and depressed and like I'll never find that person.

In short, stop trying to 'look after' people, stop looking for 'that person'; if you're on this forum I assume you're well under 30, so why worry about that now? And happiness should not be dictated by whether you're with a guy or not. You need to develop more self-respect and self-esteem because if you don't love yourself, what's the point in starting a relationship?

Reply 2

NickNack

1

dont worry bout it, be happy being single and kharma will sort itself out in the end. Dont become one of those obsessive girls who are scared of being single for more than a day out of fear, theres enough of them around already

Reply 3

sebbie

15

^^^ yeah i agree

you are too young to use words such as never....

Reply 4

eksman

9

There's more to life than love and besides there isn't 'one' person out there. There are 6 billion people in the world, and i'm sure there are quite a few that you could easily fall in love with. Don't get too down, you will find someone, at least one.

Reply 5

domlague

1

Hi,

Just a few things I think I should say:

1.) Try to be more of a 'take-life-as-it-comes' person.

2.) Throw yourself at all the other areas of your life. Satisfaction in other things can go a long way towards making up for perceived losses elsewhere.

3.) There are some really nice people in this world. In fact, I'd be as daring as to suggest that most are. It seems you've hit upon a few less-than-prime specimens - don't let it discourage you.

4.) If you've hitherto had a rotten deal, it makes it more likely that your next encounter should turn out better (Yes, yes... I know this doesn't hold up to much logical or statistical scrutiny).

5.) Smile.

- Hope my few thoughts help somehow :smile:

,

- me.

Reply 6

NickNack

1

domlague

4.) If you've hitherto had a rotten deal, it makes it more likely that your next encounter should turn out better (Yes, yes... I know this doesn't hold up to much logical or statistical scrutiny)...

actually i agree with that theory - as illogical as it may be

but enjoy everything you have got, dont mull over what you havent

Reply 7

Angrybanana

11

If it was a guy saying this about girlfriends he'd get a lot of responses telling him to stand up for himself. I think the same can be applied to you. You sound like a lovely girlfriend who bends over backwards for the ones she loves, and that's a good thing. But where you might be going wrong is letting these people take you for granted and horrible as it is, they go off with these other girls who make them work harder for their devotion.

I would agree with not trying to 'look after' people so much though, because then you end up becoming a mother figure rather than a girlfriend. Make sure your love goes to those who really truly deserve it. :smile:

Reply 8

andy_cole2

14

i'm not sure if i misunderstood but as you don't specifically mention 'look after' but say 'thoughtful' and 'listen' i don't think you should stop doing what your doing, above posters have said stop looking after but i don't think listening and caring counts as looking after someone. I'd keep doing what your doing because it sounds good to me and i'm sure you'l find someone who will appreciate it sometime,,.

Reply 9

skinnyblackjeans

9

Its always when your not looking. I yearned for a boyfriend. Then when i least expected it, with the person I WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT EVER i go with and its been the happiest thing ever. Dont get desperte. you have to be happy in yourself before u start a relationship. SBJ X

Reply 10

moh_of_sssmallnessss

Anonymous

I've had a few relationships, one serious, and some that built themselves up but then weren't meant to be. My first love dumped me and we stayed friends but its been incredibly painful for me, especially when he started seeing somebody else, who treated him like utter rubbish and hurt him all the time. She cheated on him and he caught her, and she lied constantly, yet the whole time he seemed to love her more than he had ever loved me. This will probably sound biased but I was a really devoted girlfriend, I was always really thoughtful and took the time out to spend time with him and listen to his problems. I feel like this has led to me being taken for granted a lot in my relationships, not just that one but just my general nature because I like to look after people, I do a lot for them when I care about them. My most recent relationship led to the guy telling me he still had feelings for his ex, who lives millions of miles away and is seeing somebody else, she doesn't even give him the time of day. I don't know what to do because I really want a relationship with someone who wont treat me this way and love a girl who treats them like crap instead of someone who would be constantly there for them. I just dont know what to do right now and I'm feeling so down and depressed and like I'll never find that person.

You have to stop acting less like our mums, and start acting more like our girlfriend :smile:

I hate it when girls are always soooo concerned with my "other" life. But what do I know, theres guys out there that like that kinda thing.

Reply 11

campaign Of Hate

Anonymous

I've had a few relationships, one serious, and some that built themselves up but then weren't meant to be. My first love dumped me and we stayed friends but its been incredibly painful for me, especially when he started seeing somebody else, who treated him like utter rubbish and hurt him all the time. She cheated on him and he caught her, and she lied constantly, yet the whole time he seemed to love her more than he had ever loved me. This will probably sound biased but I was a really devoted girlfriend, I was always really thoughtful and took the time out to spend time with him and listen to his problems. I feel like this has led to me being taken for granted a lot in my relationships, not just that one but just my general nature because I like to look after people, I do a lot for them when I care about them. My most recent relationship led to the guy telling me he still had feelings for his ex, who lives millions of miles away and is seeing somebody else, she doesn't even give him the time of day. I don't know what to do because I really want a relationship with someone who wont treat me this way and love a girl who treats them like crap instead of someone who would be constantly there for them. I just don't know what to do right now and I'm feeling so down and depressed and like I'll never find that person.

Wow what a nice person, yes I wouldn't worry too much about the perfect guy. (way easier said than done I know)

Love is blind, and that old Boy Friend of yours must be! It is strange how people can fall head over heels for someone who treats them so badly, but it happens. It Is in my opinion something to do with respect, and that is what seems to be the problem, I think that they feel they can walk all over you. I think you have a great caring personality, be yourself but take a step back and think about the respect that any future partner has for you.

People do like to have to work on relationships, it stops them getting bored and will keep up the respect.

I hope you do find someone right, and you have a lot of fun along the way. I ain't sure of anything at the min, but i do intend to enjoy life as much as possible along the way. I can be a little too caring myself, Its hard for me to not help someone (a mate said I was like Michael Scofield in that way for some reason) and again thats something I will have to look at, because respect is very Important 2 me, saying that it has only caused problems with my closest, same for you?

Reply 12

Dionysus

15

Exactly the same thing applies in reverse - it is not unusual for me to meet amazing girls with guys who treat them like crap and I think "Why could I not be that guy, I would do things properly" - Unfortunately, life is like that. You'll meet someone right soon enough.

Reply 13

notsoperfect

1

gosh, i feel just like you! i loved my ex and cared for him so much, yet he ran off into the arms of another girl and i now feel like he didn't care about me at all. yet i'm doing the same thing here that your ex is doing with his new girlfriend who doesn't treat him right - getting attached to the person who treats me badly. it's such a horrible thing.

all i can say is to cheer up and perhaps stop looking for a while. things happen when you least expect, normally. plus, you are only young. some people here have advised you to change and stop caring so much, but i'd go against that. don't change yourself for anybody. somebody will love you for the way you are eventually. try and focus on your friends/school/uni/job/whatever and be happy with what you have, not what you don't have. because you will find it soon :smile:

this sounds like a load of cliches but i really do think it's true.

Reply 14

Insanespana

1

I found one of "those guys" and now hes leaving. :frown:

Why am I never that girl?

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