Cant get over this problem...even though I have tried for years!

Where do I begin...? Lets just say, as a young teenager, I was an ugly duckling. Back in school, I had thick framed nerdy looking glasses, braces, bushy eyebrows, very frizzy hair and a scrawny undeveloped body...think 'ugly betty' but worse.

That was five years ago and since then, I have become unrecognisable. I hope nobody thinks I am being big headed but I know I look a million times better than I used to, I have not had any problems finding a gorgeous boyfriend and I am always getting people telling me that I should do modelling because they say I am tall, slim and have stunning features.

Your probably thinking 'what the hell can her problem be then?! My problem is I still have NO confidence whatsoever. I have very little self esteem and now matter how many times somebody tells me 'you're beautiful!', I just think 'yeah, your just saying that to be sweet'. I believe my low self esteem stems from my 'ugly days', I was never bullied but at times, I was definetly a target for the 'popular' girls and I used to get called some pretty nasty, upsetting names.

I dont know why I lack confidence but I just do. I dont wear certain things incase I 'look too slim' in them, e.g. skirts or anything that show skin, I never wear heels incase I look 'too tall'. Sometimes I walk down the street with my head down as I feel so paranoid because people stare at me. Some of my relationships have ended due to my insecurities. I know that this is pathetic but as ive been out with some great looking guys, I have ALWAYS been paranoid that they will find someone better looking than me and cheat on me. The thought of walking into a room full of people terrifies me.

Why am I like this? It really affects my life. I wish I could just put on a pretty dress, high heels, walk out with my head held high and shoulders held back and just smile at the world. I just dont have the guts, that thought alone terrifies me (stupid as it sounds!)

I am sorry if this sounds pathetic, I just got typing and it felt kinda like I am writing in a diary and its pretty theraputic. I just hope there is someone out there that can help me...please help x

Reply 1

ßlαcksωαn

You don't sound pathetic at all!
Sounds like a common problem to me. I think you need to step out of your comfort zone. How about to try wearing that skirt oneday, or putting on some heals, do it with friends for emotional support if you must. But dont think that you cant be modest to be confident...I hope that helped..

Reply 2

Unregistered

Ah, you just don't like all the attention because you're dubious of it and you don't trust people.

It's not that you don't feel pretty enough, you know you are. You just don't like to draw attention to yourself as you're so used to it being negative.

I haven't always been decent looking, I was a real moose at the beginning of high school. Takes time for you to become confident, really does and it means you pushing yourself. Wear 'that top' or buy 'those shoes' and fake confidence.

You should see me now, arrogant isn't the word as most people would tell you...

Reply 3

Custer

Sounds like you have an inferiority complex and if you weren’t really bullied if could be self-induced, from feelings of self-loathing and not being satisfied with yourself. Primary inferiority feelings are usually rooted from childhood experiences of weakness, helplessness or inadequacy. These feelings of anxiety tends to stay with the person as they grow-up, even if they are no longer in the situation that caused it.

Reply 4

Unregistered

She said she was bullied... don't overcomplicate it. This one is pretty clear cut.

Reply 5

andy_cole2

try setting yourself challenges doing this taht you wouldn't normally do but that you associate with not being able to do due to your lack of confidence, and day by day build it up, as you challenge yourself and realise no one says nasty things you may acatully enjoy it keep building it up as you feel more confident....perhaps...

Reply 6

puppy

Anonymous

I believe my low self esteem stems from my 'ugly days',

I think it probably just stems from being human. Most people feel like that on some level or in some situation, it's a totally normal reaction.

As for getting over it you just have to do it. There really isn't anything you can do other than do the things you're afraid of. Either you will or you won't and in the end it'll come down to how much you want it.

Reply 7

Custer

Timeslikethese

She said she was bullied... don't overcomplicate it. This one is pretty clear cut.

Actually she herself said she was never bullied..... I just said if she was'nt bullied then it could be self-induced from being unsatisifed with herself.
If it was that she was infact bullied, it just means that thats what caused it but i think its more to do with how she feels about herself.
from what she wrote, it sounds to me like she has some pretty deep self confidence issues.
Text-book case of a neurotic personality/inferiority complex.

Reply 8

Misogynist

It's nothing you should be this worried about. It could be one of many things, or many of them together to form one problem.

You're probably overly conscious about your appearance (Do you look in car windows or shop windows to see how you look?) It could also be stemming from your early days because that's the cause of your awareness towards your looks.

You need to just walk around not looking at your best and stop caring about it, force yourself to look up even if you aren't looking like a supermodel. Capiche?

Reply 9

IzzyWizzy

Nasty name calling IS bullying IMO. That's what's affecting you. Even though you look good now, the feelings you had when you were younger haven't gone away. I'm pretty much the same. People always comment on how pretty I am and I laugh because I've always felt ugly. I'm only just starting to see myself differently now and have the confidence to wear a lot of skirts/dresses and nice jewellery. Maybe time will help.

Reply 10

{Clarabella}

Maybe you could try writing down a list of things you like about your appearance? Or get a couple of your friends to do the same? That way you'll see that there are fantastic things about the way you look - maybe specifics will make it easier to believe than when people just tell you how gorgeous you are in general.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

i was exactly the same and still am....i used to be disgusting! u could probably have mistaken me for a boy i was so bad looking! now i have people telling me im satunning all the time...i just dont believe it. when i go on a night out i go to the toilets millions of times because i think i look disgusting and im paranoid people think 'why has she made an effort to look good....whats the point she'l never look good'. i hate this feeling as i have no self confidence whatsoever. if i know i look bad (which is most of the time, even when people are telling me i look the best out of all of them) i will not enjoy myself and will want to go home. i am seriosuly obsessed and do not know what to do. i reckon it stems back to the days where iwas constantly made out to be th ugly duckling of the family (my brother and sisters are both models)/. i dont know maybe i feel rubbish becausde i know ill never be as good as them hmmm. who knows!

Reply 12

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

I'm with the people who say you were bullied. I was bullied in primary school for being ill. I now a very low self esteem as a result. Maybe it would be best to talk to someone because you don't want it to get any worse and end up like me, thinking that the world would be a better place without you, because I've been like that for 9 years. :hugs: