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I hurt myself today

Today I cut myself with a knife. I feel so embarrassed and worthless and stupid.

I can't believe I would do a thing like that. It totally contradicts how people see me - I'm supposed to be the "confident", happy-go-lucky one, and then I go and do a thing like that.

I didn't think I was that messed up. I just wanted a way, any way, to get rid of the pain and hatred I have for myself. I can't be depressed - I don't feel...that sad... - I'm just tired and numb.

Please help me. I can't tell anyone what I've done.

Please.

Reply 1

Crimson Black

It seems that you're stressed out. How old are you? If you're a teenager or even a young adult it's a common occurence to feel self-loathing and -depreciation, it's a phase that everyone goes through.

You mention that cutting yourself contracticts how people see you. Ask yourself this: how do you see yourself? Is your own view shaped by how other see you? If the answer to the second question is yes, then you need to rethink your own view of yourself. You can't get through your depressed mood without a certain sense of selfishness. Tell yourself "sod them, if having them see me like X ends up with me being depressed, then I don't want that...". If your friends are good friends, they'll understand.

Try spending some time alone, rearranging your feelings. Be analytical about it. Get pen and paper, write down how you feel, or things you did, and then answer them by asking yourself why you feel that way. Be honest - brutally honest - with yourself.

Of course, in the end, it's all down to will power. If you find yourself picking up a knife again, forcibly put it down again. Tell yourself to get a grip. Think of when you were happy, and then ask yourself why you're unhappy now, and what's stopping you from being happy. If it's something that's changeable (which it certainly will be, given that at one point in life you weren't feeling like this), then change it, no matter how gradual it has to change!

Good luck! :smile:

Reply 2

ßlαcksωαn

Did it help? did you feel better after it? how deep was it? how did you feel after it?
I have done this myself tbh. It makes me feel better honestly.
But it shouldn't be used as a way to control your emotional pain. You don't have to be depressed to hurt yourself. But you do need to address the source of the problem...we dont just hurt ourselves for no reason!
It sounds like your issues are more serious than you first thought. And I think that if you've hurt yourself once, there is a great chance that you will do it again, which is why you need to get help somewhere. You could ring up a hotline or talk to your uni/school councellor or a trusted friend/family member. But yeah I know how you must be, me, personally I couldnt tell anyone. You just think people won't understand, but there is help out there.
And you say people see you as like the 'happy one', it doesn't matter, it could all be a show you put on. When on the inside your torn apart.
Please get help before you do it again :hugs:

Reply 3

xxSAMMIxx

*hugs*

Hey you shouldnt feel embarrased or worthless, and im sure im not alone in saying that a lot of young people/young adults self harm, I myself self harm and have done for around a year.
You dont need to be messed up to self harm - its a way of coping, and you obvioulsy needed something to help you through a diffilcult time, which is ok.
I do suggest you get help though befre you feel the need to do it again, as you can get very use to the feeling you get from it, and then struggle to stop.
If you want to talk then PM me, I will be happy to go throught hings or just chat.
Good Luck
Sammi xxx

Reply 4

izwhiz

You sound exactly like me! Have you got a close friend you can talk to about it? Someone who you know would never judge you? It really is worth talking it through with someone if you can! Even someone online, just so that you can work through why it is that you did it

Keep smiling :smile:

xxxx

Reply 5

Deus

I can't believe I would do a thing like that. It totally contradicts how people see me - I'm supposed to be the "confident", happy-go-lucky one, and then I go and do a thing like that.

You have to remember something. If people see you like this all the time, they will treat you as such, and therefore, may not pay special attention to you when you perhaps need a good friend to talk to.

I am definitely not saying you should change your social image, as this is more likely to cause problems than solutions, but perhaps you should talk to a few people you consider close friends and make them realise that although you seem to be a very confident and happy problem, you too need someone to talk to.

As always, people on TSR are always around to listen.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Guys, I cannot thank you enough. You don't know how much it means to me that there are people out there who understand.

In response to Crimson Black, I'm 18. Yes, it's true that I'm not always confident and happy when I'm putting on a face of being confident and happy, but I really feel as if no one I know would understand. Some of them have their problems, depression, anxiety, but if I told them how I feel, they'd think I was doing it for attention or something...because I've got nothing in my life to feel unhappy about. Loving family, good grades, trusted by teachers etc. So why do I loathe myself? No one would understand.

In response to blackswan, it helped a bit. It felt as if all my insecurities, all my hatred of myself, all my painful memories and unhappy experiences, just disappeared for a while, and I didn't think about anything - there was nothing in my mind. But then I felt incredibly embarrassed and ashamed that I did that to myself, so I suppose it's just added to my hate of myself.

Sorry for the outpouring...I just feel as if I have to say it to somebody, some people who understand. Thank you all again so much for your replies, it's really helped a lot.

Reply 7

izwhiz

Anonymous

Sorry for the outpouring...I just feel as if I have to say it to somebody, some people who understand. Thank you all again so much for your replies, it's really helped a lot.

You don't have to be sorry! Thats what we are here for!!!

xxxx

Reply 8

Infected Mushroom

I use to cut..a lot and only about 2 people know. I always put on a front of confidence and happiness but as soon as i am alone i am a completely different person. Try and find someone who you can be yourself around..it helps you know. Also try to find out exactly why you did it and then you can work from there..bear in mind it could take a while. Don't cut again because once you start it takes something serious to snap you out of it, well it did for me.
Feel free to PM me any time :hugs:

..x