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Asking boyfriend if he cheated

I've been with my boyfriend about 6 months now. We have our ups and down but it's generally good. The thing is he really doesn't like me going out (clubs etc) with my friends and classmates. I don't do this anyway, but was going to go out to celebrate the end of exams and he really wasn't happy with it. I told him I would never cheat on him and he said 'what if you get really drunk?" I said I never get drunk to the point I don't know what I'm doing, it just wouldn't happen. This made me wonder if he'd done something and he admitted he kissed a girl in a club (a girl he knew) at the end of his relationship with his long distance ex-girlfriend. He said he regretted it and it wouldn't happen again. I asked if he'd ever cheated on me and he looked shocked and said no. I was worried because he went to Spain for a few days at the start of our relationship. Wasn't worried at the time but it didn't occur to me he would do anything, as I never would. He insisted he hadn't. I asked him again last night and he said again that he had not. Should I leave it now? I'm paranoid but I'm pretty sure he hasn't. I don't want to be worrying about either of us being apart in case something happens, before I trusted him 100% and now I'm cynical. He has told me he wouldn't cheat on me and not to worry.

Reply 1

notsoperfect

1

Anonymous

I've been with my boyfriend about 6 months now. We have our ups and down but it's generally good. The thing is he really doesn't like me going out (clubs etc) with my friends and classmates. I don't do this anyway, but was going to go out to celebrate the end of exams and he really wasn't happy with it. I told him I would never cheat on him and he said 'what if you get really drunk?" I said I never get drunk to the point I don't know what I'm doing, it just wouldn't happen. This made me wonder if he'd done something and he admitted he kissed a girl in a club (a girl he knew) at the end of his relationship with his long distance ex-girlfriend. He said he regretted it and it wouldn't happen again. I asked if he'd ever cheated on me and he looked shocked and said no. I was worried because he went to Spain for a few days at the start of our relationship. Wasn't worried at the time but it didn't occur to me he would do anything, as I never would. He insisted he hadn't. I asked him again last night and he said again that he had not. Should I leave it now? I'm paranoid but I'm pretty sure he hasn't. I don't want to be worrying about either of us being apart in case something happens, before I trusted him 100% and now I'm cynical. He has told me he wouldn't cheat on me and not to worry.

you need to trust him and stop asking him. he has said no repeatedly, and i think you are just being paranoid. this could push him away. be careful, jealousy and paranoia are really bad and can destroy relationships!

Reply 2

dh00001

16

hes said he wouldnt and hasnt and so really you should belive it. keep asking will show him you dont trust him. when that happens it begins to tear relationships apart.
i would leave it, you dont really have much reason to think that so just try not to worry

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

I know, ironically I trusted him 100% before he started being paranoid and jealous (for no reason) and that made me wonder. I've asked him twice now so if he's lying he's going to have to live with it.

Reply 4

supernova2

11

Anonymous

I've been with my boyfriend about 6 months now. We have our ups and down but it's generally good. The thing is he really doesn't like me going out (clubs etc) with my friends and classmates. I don't do this anyway, but was going to go out to celebrate the end of exams and he really wasn't happy with it. I told him I would never cheat on him and he said 'what if you get really drunk?" I said I never get drunk to the point I don't know what I'm doing, it just wouldn't happen. This made me wonder if he'd done something and he admitted he kissed a girl in a club (a girl he knew) at the end of his relationship with his long distance ex-girlfriend. He said he regretted it and it wouldn't happen again. I asked if he'd ever cheated on me and he looked shocked and said no. I was worried because he went to Spain for a few days at the start of our relationship. Wasn't worried at the time but it didn't occur to me he would do anything, as I never would. He insisted he hadn't. I asked him again last night and he said again that he had not. Should I leave it now? I'm paranoid but I'm pretty sure he hasn't. I don't want to be worrying about either of us being apart in case something happens, before I trusted him 100% and now I'm cynical. He has told me he wouldn't cheat on me and not to worry.

stop asking, there doesn't seem any reason to bother, hes already said no a bunch of times.

Reply 5

turkish_delight

10

if you've asked him twice just leave it or you'll end up driving him away

Reply 6

TheLameMonkey

Asking that kind of question is perfectly normal in a relationship I think.

I know I did in my last relationship and I think all I was looking for was re-assurance that she was the person I thought she was.

Of course, we were both always very honest and the answer I got back was "I don't know, I don't get drunk so I don't know how I'd act in that situation" :rolleyes:

I think hearing that actually made me feel better - sometimes knowing your partner will tell you things you might not necessarily want to hear comforts you because you know they'd have told you anything else (IE, have you cheated? :wink:

).

Maybe that's what you're looking for? You need to stop obsessing over it though, paranoia could end up pushing you apart.

Reply 7

randomgirl

14

Yeah just stop asking.

Has he met your friends btw? Maybe he doesn't like you going out with people he doesn't know..?

Reply 8

Jelkin

17

I think you need to be more worried about his barely allowing you to go out with your friends.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Well I am worried about that, it's all part of his fear I'll cheat or something, which is what led to me asking him if he had. I don't think its acceptable to be so possessive and have told him so. We are both going to work in another country for a few months so the whole thing will be a non-issue for a while since we only have each other, but if he wants to stay together it needs to be sorted. I'm not a clubbing person anyway but I expect to be able to go out for some drinks with friends without him getting annoyed. He has met my good friends, they are not 'slapper' types at all, and none of us get with guys in clubs. When we go out we just have a good time with the girls. Maybe he was worried about my classmates, I dont know.

Reply 10

annsmith

I think you are being paranoid. Have faith in his answer.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Me and my boyfriend agreed together that we wouldnt go out clubbing without each other when we started going out. We have been together over a year now, and Ive never been happier. I dont need clubbing and getting drunk to have a good time, and while ive been with him my eyes have been opened to what kind of people i was actually friends with. these were people who would say they were so anti-cheating etc etc, but had cheated on their boyfriends (who may read this which is why im posting as anon). Ive never been a big drinker but i wouldnt want to drink and put myself in a situation where something might happen thats out of my control, or allow myself to do something stupid that i know ill regret. This is not to say you shouldnt go out AT ALL, as long as he knows who youre with :smile:

i know i wouldnt feel comfortable if he went out, didnt tell me where he was going or who he was with, but thats only because i care. Me and my boyfriend have spoken alot about cheating, and i know i would never do anything to hurt him, and hes said the same. we have both been cheated on in the past by ex's so we know how it feels to be on the receiving end. If you really do believe he wouldnt hurt you and hes being genuinely sincere, then you just have to forget about spain and focus on the present. If its still bothering you, you need to get to the bottom of it, dont just leave it because it will get worse and you wont be able to trust him 100%. and about the fact that he might get pushed away by you asking him, well you have a right to be suspicious if hes admitted to cheating on his ex.. but the fact that he told you about it and was honest shows that hes not hiding it from you.. anyway, best of luck to you, i dont know if this made any sense :smile:

Reply 12

Pixie_256

Are you worried about him cheating because he's done it before? that was in different circumstances the relationship was long distance and you said it ended soon after he cheated- maybe the realtionship wasnt working out anyway? I dont know really- if your gut instinct is he's telling the truth, trust it you're probably right!!

Reply 13

Pixie_256

Are you worried about him cheating because he's done it before? that was in different circumstances the relationship was long distance and you said it ended soon after he cheated- maybe the realtionship wasnt working out anyway? I dont know really- if your gut instinct is he's telling the truth, trust it you're probably right!! :smile:

Reply 14

Pixie_256

sorry about that!

Asking boyfriend if he cheated

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