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I'm frightened of my parents

I recently finished first year at uni and I've been back just over 2 weeks now. My parents have been on my back for me to find a job which I really want to do myself. I've applied for loads already. But yesterday when she came home from work my mum started screaming at me about how I have no motivation and how I'm lazy (because I've been sleeping a little more than I was able to at uni) and because I stay in my pyjamas all day its annoying for other people or something? I don't know how she can say that because I'm at a top 10 uni on a competitive course, and it wasn't easy to get there, so I'm definitely not unmotivated. The reason I'm concerned though is that a recruitment agency rang this morning and left a message and my dad left the number for me to call and then went out. I fell asleep while he was out and when he came back he was shouting and screaming at me about why I havent called the number and swearing at me saying I should **** off back to uni. I'm scared because he's hit me before and I'm scared he's going to do it again. I just don't know how to deal with them being so horrible to me, as I'm not used to it, I'm used to having my freedom now and I miss uni so much.

Reply 1

Louise88

You claim to want a job, but you're spending a lot of your time sleeping and sitting about in your pj's. You really aren't giving them the impression that you are wanting to do something about it. From what you say, you hardly seem to be making an effort, I don't blame them for being annoyed. If I was to come home and find my son or daughter sleeping, or sitting about in their pj's when they should be looking for a job, i'd be rather pissed. Your parents are hardly being unreasonable here.

Please don't feel i'm starting on you too, i'm not but you have to realise that you are giving them they wrong impression. If you want to show them that you do want to do something about finding a job then I suggest you have a change in attitude. Go to bed a decent time, get up early and get into a little routine. Stop napping during the day and make sure you are up and dressed. Make sure you phone those people back, look around for jobs and involve them in certain things to prove that you aren't lazy and you aren't unmotivated.

I'm not excusing your dads behaviour, when he has hit you. He should never lift a finger to you, but can you really blame your parents for feeling the way they do? They asked you to get a job, and you agreed but all they are seeing is you sitting around or sleeping, you aren't even getting dressed in the morning! I don't blame them for getting on your back about it. The problem is that you are used to your freedom, your back at home with your parents now and you need to make an effort.

Reply 2

IzzyWizzy

10

Wake up. It IS lazy and slobbish to sit around in your pyjamas all day. My parents would be furious too. I know its hard to find a job but sitting around like that gives a bad impression.

Reply 3

Pixie_256

I disagree, Your parents should respect your right as an adult (maybe lose the pjs!) to live your own life, try and be a bit more cooperative and lie low for a while (try to butter them up) try and explain to them reasonably that it is hard to find a job.

Your parent have no right to treat you like that, although you are their child you are also now an adult and deserve to be treated with respect. I hope it all works out!! let us know
*hugs*
xxx

Reply 4

Dionysus

15

Are you paying rent? If so, and you are keeping up with the payments, they really have no right to treat you like that. Why don't you move out?

Reply 5

ginag123

OP

Lol, maybe I should've added that I'm guaranteed a job in a couple of weeks, which I sorted out while I was still at uni. This isn't even about the job, its about being treated like a child.

Reply 6

ginag123

OP

I'm NINETEEN... i just finished FIRST YEAR, and i'm in no way capable of paying rent, i live in london!

Reply 7

Dionysus

15

Well I will certainly be paying rent when I'm staying at home next year - probably only £40 a week or something, to cover expenses. Your parents don't really have to support you at that age. Still, if you're getting a job in two weeks anyway, maybe you should pay them something out of that.

Reply 8

Louise88

FionaA256

I disagree, Your parents should respect your right as an adult (maybe lose the pjs!) to live your own life, try and be a bit more cooperative and lie low for a while (try to butter them up) try and explain to them reasonably that it is hard to find a job.

Your parent have no right to treat you like that, although you are their child you are also now an adult and deserve to be treated with respect. I hope it all works out!! let us know
*hugs*
xxx

Respect works both ways though doesn't it? If your son or daughting is living under your roof, then they need to their bit. I don't think they are being unreasonable for asking them to get a job, and I certainly don't think they are being unreasonable for getting the wrong impression.

Yes, they might be an adult but that doesn't mean that sitting around in your pj's and sleeping all day is acceptable while your parents work their arses off to keep that roof over your head. If they want to be treated with respect, then they better respect their parents and stick to their rules.

Finding a job is hard, I agree but sleeping all day and living in your pj's will get you nowhere.

EDIT - I'm 19 years old too and working my arse off to find a job so that I can pay back my mum for my car, and to pay for rent. I live in a fairly expensive area too but i'm not making excuses. I'm up early every morning, washed and dressed filling in applications and phoning people. Don't use your age is an excuse, just because your 19 doesn't mean you don't have to respect your parents rules. I'm being harsh and I know it but we're in the exact same positon except your getting a job in two weeks time. I know i'm an adult and have to do my own bit, but i'm not making excuses for it am I?

Reply 9

Angrybanana

11

Your parents treatment of you is truly horrible. Your Dad should never hit you, there is never an excuse for that. I agree with Cage that if you can, move out. Finding a job is very hard, you should explain it to them but also make it clear that you're doing whatever you can.

Perhaps your parents are pissed off with you more because you don't help around the house? I know that's the main reason my parents had a go at my brother when he came home from uni because he just left mess around and did nothing to help. If you make a contribution to the household like that then they'll have less grounds to complain about you.

Reply 10

goodmen

13

If you having a job in 2 weeks why would your parents be angry at you? and i agree with them anyway, if i've done a hard days work and I find someone who has done nothing all day asleep on the couch in there PJs i'd be annoyed to

Reply 11

IzzyWizzy

10

I'm NINETEEN... i just finished FIRST YEAR, and i'm in no way capable of paying rent, i live in london!

Your parents don't have to support you. I know people who live away all summer, or pay rent during the summer. Maybe they are annoyed that you appear to expect to live rent free in their house and contribute nothing.

Reply 12

Custer

1

ginag123

I'm scared because he's hit me before and I'm scared he's going to do it again................

I'm NINETEEN...

You should'nt really be getting smacked by your dad at this age.... :s-smilie:

Reply 13

Louise88

Okay, so you're getting a job in two weeks time. That's great, I hope that it works out well for you. You are an adult though, and you're parents are probably out working their arse off to keep that home there for you to come back to. Maybe they are treating you like a child because you are acting like one? You appear to do nothing all day but sleep and refuse to get dressed. Do you do anything around the house to help them out? Do you just expect your parents to provide for you while you do nothing, what?

Reply 14

IzzyWizzy

10

She said he's hit her before, not that it was recent. Oh wow, my dad has hit me loads of times when I was younger and acting bratty. He wouldn't do it now.

Reply 15

PhilMc

16

Hit him back, with a *insert heavy object here*

Reply 16

BabyBee

I'm gonna be paying my mum quite a bit of money.
Although i do think that your parents should try other things than yelling at you - as that never works.

Why not prove them wrong - conact and agency, get 2 weeks temp work.
Or do some DIY around the house/fix something / do all the chores for them

make them see that you are responsable and grown up

Reply 17

supernova2

11

FionaA256

I disagree, Your parents should respect your right as an adult (maybe lose the pjs!) to live your own life, try and be a bit more cooperative and lie low for a while (try to butter them up) try and explain to them reasonably that it is hard to find a job.

Your parent have no right to treat you like that, although you are their child you are also now an adult and deserve to be treated with respect. I hope it all works out!! let us know
*hugs*
xxx

Its their house, shes their child, its their right to call her a lazy slob if they spend all day paying for her to sit around in her pj's. Just get a job.

Reply 18

cpj1987

15

I agree with a lot of the others here; the way your acting is, to be fair, a bit irresponsible.
I'm back from my first year at university too at the moment, but whilst I've had the freedom to do what I want at uni, I respect that my family have let me come back and stay with them for a month here, and that, as such, I've got to abide by their rules. I would never think to spend all of my time sleeping in their house, never helping out, and lazing around in my pyjamas. I get up at a reasonable time here, get dressed, and help out if they ask me to, because in return I'm getting a place to stay for a month.
Just because your lifestyle has changed in the past year, that doesn't mean that theirs has, and while you're under their roof you should learn to adapt back to their ways, it's not a case of being treated like a child, it's a case of being adult enough to understand that you can't always live 'your way' and have to consider other people.

Reply 19

puppy

Louise88

If your son or daughting is living under your roof, then they need to their bit.

Their roof? In my house it's our roof. I live there too, it's my home. Obviously I didn't pay for it, but how could I? My parents chose to have a kid so I feel (and so do they) that they ought to look after me until I can look after myself. I'm at uni getting a degree so I can get a job and support myself, I don't see why I shouldn't be able to do what I like in my house during the vacation.

There'll come a time when my parents will need to rely on me to help them out with things and I certainly won't be shouting at them for being lazy or making them pay rent. I really don't understand why so many people's parents start acting like *******s the minute you hit 18. Mine would never ask me to pay rent (unless I was in full time work and living at home, then they might expect a nominal contribution towards food) because it's my house, why should I pay to live there?

I'm frightened of my parents

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