:( this is long but I'm confused :(

BACKGROUND:
My bf and me have been together 19 months now,
I only see him on weekends cuz he lives outta town, we stay at eachothers houses,
We're off to uni together in Sept,
We're both 19yrs old.

I love my bf to bits and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. But he really pissed me off last week - we we're at my mates house for a poker night and I had to go home that night cuz I was looking after my brother the following day (starting from 8am), basically I dont live in the best area of london and my bf asked me if he could stay the night - at MY mates house?! I said it was his choice but I wouldnt be happy. I cant belive he actually asked if that was even ok but more to the point he actually stayed the night. My mates were shocked and I was gutted. He was even appoligising before I had even left and all the way home on the phone to me; he knew he was in the wrong. He came home at 6am cuz he said he'd be home for when I wake up.

My mates never let me walk home alone from the pub - let alone my bf letting me go on the train and walk a lot all the way home at 12am in south east london alone.. My best mate and her bf ended up walking me to the station. I am embarrassed that he did that to me and am just avoiding talking to my mates about it cuz I know what they would say.

I spent the whole next day ignoring him; we went bowling with a good friend of mine (a guy) his lil bro and mine. He saw it as me flirting all day with my mate (who is like a brother to me cuz we've known eachother since we were 1) - I got even more upset that at the end of the day he was crying his eyes out cuz 'it was like I was cheating on him'. I felt he was just trying to turn everything around - I know it was harsh ignoring him most of the time but I just didnt wanna kiss and cuddle him cuz I was so upset that he ditched me.

I hadn't got any propper appoligies from him about the night before. My mum and dad were fumeing with what he did and even said to me that if he ever does is again I should get rid of him - and prior to all of this he has been the best bf ever and they loved him.

(sorry this is taking forever...)

We talked things through etc and I said I'd forgive him etc but if he ever did it again I wouldn't think twice and I would end it. I just feel that he didn't give a **** about me, and for the rest of the week it got worse. Apparently I never want sex and he has 'given up'... Also, that 'I am getting bored with him'. Prior to the past couple of weeks we've been perfect. I dunno what to do - I feel like he is blaming everything on me; that I don't give a **** about him and I am getting bored of him.

I am just feeling so down about our relationship. I want to go back to what it was but I am just so hurt about last week that I am finding it hard to let go. I feel that he will do ditch me again for mates and I feel that at uni we will just split appart cuz he seems to be craving 'mates'.. He doesn't really have many of his own now. I think this will be the end of us. Of course I want him to have his own mates etc but I still want to be respected, which atm I dont.

I'm such a drama queen.... but I feel we have lost our spark now and that uni it will get worse. I dunno what to do... I dunno if we should not see eachother for a while or try and work it all out - I mean we already did that but I can't let it go, I wanna try and let it go and work things out but thats going to take a while.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

you obviously love him otherwise you wouldnt have forgiven him, I wouldn have been majorly annoyed. going to uni is gonna make things so much more difficult and if the relationship is already under strain it may not last, it's 3 1/2months til we go to uni (newcastle here i come!!) is it worth 3 1/2 months of agro just to realise the relationship isnt going to work out? evaluate things

1. is it gonna last at uni? if not break up now, there's no need for the heartache if your already fed up about it!

2. If it is gonna last- talk to him and get him to understand that what he did was wrong

good luck!

Reply 2

emilyyy

It's probably not what you want to hear, but I think you should just let your feelings about what he did to you drop.
It wasn't at all nice of him, I agree - but he did apologise, and if you love him as much as you say you do, you'll forgive him and forget about it.
I know you've already said to him that you'll forgive him, and that if it happens again you'll end things - but to be honest, in your mind it really doesn't sound like you've forgiven him, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this.

You've been with him nineteen months, you say. Is it really worth throwing everytthing away over this one thing? It wasn't responsible of him, it wasn't kind, it's not boyfriend-like, but he's allowed one slip-up, right?
And as for him getting all upset while you were bowling, saying you were flirting with someone else... let's face it, he was probably hurt you weren't talking to him, had a damaged ego, and was feeling exceedingly guilty.
Isn't that punishment enough for what he did?

I think everything he's saying is just bad feeling lingering from the recent couple of weeks - and I don't blame him for that, because like I said, it really doesn't sound like you've forgiven him.

I suggest you sit down and talk it through with him. Explain that you're not getting bored with him, or anything like that, expressly ask him if he wants your relationship to continue - and if he does, talk things through, arrange compromises to your problems, and explain exactly how you're feeling. Ask him to do the same. And if he still feels you haven't forgiven him, say it again - but only if you truly mean it.

Your relationship will only last through uni if it's what the both of you want. You /both/ need to determine how you feel about it.
Don't talk to us, talk to him.

And don't waste time. If you want to throw away your nineteen months together, and not even give yourselves the chance to see if you'll last through uni, just give up.

But if you want what you otherwise describe as a perfect relationship to continue, run away now and have a word with him. Maybe you'll last through uni and maybe you won't, but you'll never know if don't get to uni - so you have to try and sort yourselves out now.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Thanks, tbh, thats what I needed to hear.

He doesn't know I'm still stressing over the pokernight thing and I don't understand why I am still either. But I do realise we need to sit down and talk about the stuff he has said to me about other things (this was before that night too) - it just sucks that I haven't seen him since sunday and I'm not seeing him till next week now. I don't really wanna do it over the phone...

Anywhos, thanks again - we'll sort it out :biggrin: