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How to mention the deaths of my siblings in conversation watch

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    Sorry for the depressing subject but I could do with some advice. I lost my sister age 14 and she was 16. She died next to me at home after a short battle with meningitis.

    Two years later my brother commited suicide by hanging himself. I found his body when I got home from school.

    I also have one older brother who has autism.

    I only ever discuss my brother and no one in my Life except childhood
    Friends and family Know about my siblings. I feel it's a huge part of me that people don't know. I need to start being open about the things I've been through. I don't mean go on and on about it or discuss it at parties! But I think long term work collegues and close friends should know if only for my own mental health. I feel like I have a big secret and it's still getting to me 10 years later.

    How can I start mentioning it with new people and also letting old
    Friends know?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry for the depressing subject but I could do with some advice. I lost my sister age 14 and she was 16. She died next to me at home after a short battle with meningitis.

    Two years later my brother commited suicide by hanging himself. I found his body when I got home from school.

    I also have one older brother who has autism.

    I only ever discuss my brother and no one in my Life except childhood
    Friends and family Know about my siblings. I feel it's a huge part of me that people don't know. I need to start being open about the things I've been through. I don't mean go on and on about it or discuss it at parties! But I think long term work collegues and close friends should know if only for my own mental health. I feel like I have a big secret and it's still getting to me 10 years later.

    How can I start mentioning it with new people and also letting old
    Friends know?
    I guess it depends on the person you are telling how you could go about telling them. With my dad, I either straight up mention it when people discuss things like what do your parents do ( I'd say something like my dad was a butcher before he passed) or I always refer to him in the past tense so i guess its a softer way but people generally pick up on that subtle way.
    I think when they talk about their own families is the best time to bring it up but really there can't always be a way to lessen the slight awkwardness of telling people. My dad died 11 years ago and it has gradually gotten easier to mention it in conversation.
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    It depends how well you know them and what you want them to know.

    This kind of came up with a relative last year. I was aware (because he has a different surname / the age gap) that he has a different dad to his siblings. He then mentioned that his dad left when he was 2. He mentioned (and asked if I was aware of this) that he had 2 brothers from his mum's first marriage (his dad is my dad's cousin) who died in a house fire.
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    Its about finding a balance. Imo its private information, that I wouldnt share, unless it was relevant, so I would be careful who i shared it with.
    Nothing to be ashamed of or feel its forbidden to speak about just make sure its with the right people that you cna trust and theres a reason for mentioning it. If there isnt then I cant see why they would have to know?

    Examples: If you were getting to know someone really well and they were sharing information on a similar level or alternatively if you were talking about siblings or things that have affected you. At other times I wouldnt think it was relevant. Its not soemthing i would be dropping in for roytine conversation, unless i was comfortable and it had some relevance. I think its because it creates an awkwardness as some people wont know what to say. The reaction imo is to show you are perfectly fine with it and its just information.

    Btw sorry it happened to you. I cna imagine how traumatic and how much events like that shape your life.
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    I think going out of your way to inform people will make things awkward as it makes it seem like a huge deal (which of course it is but you, I assume, don't want to have huge emotional conversations with everyone you know, you just don't want to feel you're hiding it). If you wait for a natural point in a conversation to drop it in and say it fairly casually then people probably won't make a big deal of it and it shouldn't be too awkward. People will follow your lead.

    I knew a girl who used to tell everyone she met both her parents were dead (and tell them very fast) and it was really awkward as every time she would force it into the conversation and then burst into tears and talk about how hard things were.

    I also know a woman who, after knowing me a while, mentioned (at a natural point in the conversation) her husband had died, it was obviously tough to talk about but as she was matter of fact about it it wasn't awkward, a couple of people asked questions and people were sympathetic.

    I am sorry that happened to you, must be really tough.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry for the depressing subject but I could do with some advice. I lost my sister age 14 and she was 16. She died next to me at home after a short battle with meningitis.

    Two years later my brother commited suicide by hanging himself. I found his body when I got home from school.

    I also have one older brother who has autism.

    I only ever discuss my brother and no one in my Life except childhood
    Friends and family Know about my siblings. I feel it's a huge part of me that people don't know. I need to start being open about the things I've been through. I don't mean go on and on about it or discuss it at parties! But I think long term work collegues and close friends should know if only for my own mental health. I feel like I have a big secret and it's still getting to me 10 years later.

    How can I start mentioning it with new people and also letting old
    Friends know?
    ouch, tough times, tough times.

    i guess you could just casually bring it up in conversation just like ask them about their siblings and maybe they might ask you?

    but then again what's wrong with secrets? i'm sure almost everyone has at least a secret...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry for the depressing subject but I could do with some advice. I lost my sister age 14 and she was 16. She died next to me at home after a short battle with meningitis.

    Two years later my brother commited suicide by hanging himself. I found his body when I got home from school.

    I also have one older brother who has autism.

    I only ever discuss my brother and no one in my Life except childhood
    Friends and family Know about my siblings. I feel it's a huge part of me that people don't know. I need to start being open about the things I've been through. I don't mean go on and on about it or discuss it at parties! But I think long term work collegues and close friends should know if only for my own mental health. I feel like I have a big secret and it's still getting to me 10 years later.

    How can I start mentioning it with new people and also letting old
    Friends know?
    I'm sorry about your brother and sister r.i.p
    my grandma died a year ago and whenever I think of her I say "I remember when my grandma use to make me spicy chicken with peppers and potato, god bless her"
 
 
 
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