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How do I accept my curves/womanly parts of my body? Watch

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    Hi everyone.

    I struggle with my body image sometimes and what's been really difficult lately is accepting the womanly parts of my body. I have a pear shaped body so I have thick thighs and a big bum, at least compared to the rest of my body.

    I'm 5'2", a (UK) size 6/8, 47kg and I gym 3-4 times a week. Some people might think that's not enough to be curvy but my waist is 23.5" and my hips are 35.5" so I definitely have curves, even if I'm not voluptuous. I wish I was more straight up and down and taller like the models. I just think it looks more elegant and striking.

    Not only that I think they main thing is that my curves me that I am a woman. It's not that I want to be a man, that's the last thing I want and I'm actually very girly, but it's scary to me being a fully grown woman. I can't wrap my head around the thought of someone ever desiring me sexually and I feel safer having a body more like that of a child... However to get such a body I have to eat less than 500 calories.

    Sometimes I wonder why am I so scared of looking like a woman and being desired sexually? I really want a relationship, and I feel sexual attraction to others but I'm scared of men being sexually attracted to me. It sounds bizarre but there's a part of me telling me just to go out there and have sex, and take charge until I feel at peace with my curves..

    Anyway, body acceptance advice would be appreciated
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    How old are you OP?
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    You pretty much have what is considered the 'perfect' waist-hip ratio.

    This isn't really about your curves. You struggle to see yourself as a grown woman and sexual being.

    The issue seems to be more deep-rooted imo.
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    You pretty much have what is the considered the 'perfect' waist-hip ratio. :top:

    This isn't really about your curves. You struggle to see yourself as a grown woman and sexual being.

    The issue seems to be more deep-rooted imo.
    That's life settled then
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    (Original post by ripjonsnow)
    How old are you OP?
    I'm actually 25
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm actually 25
    Ah, just curious.

    Sorry i dont really understand waiste sizes etc..

    I guess your doing alright by the sounds of it
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    You pretty much have what is considered the 'perfect' waist-hip ratio. :top:

    This isn't really about your curves. You struggle to see yourself as a grown woman and sexual being.

    The issue seems to be more deep-rooted imo.
    I'd agree, but I can't seem to put my finger on exactly why... I was brought up Christian/Catholic and wore a purity ring until about 3 years ago I think I'm probably still repressed. I hated being the 'good Christian girl' but I'm scared of being anything else. I feel I'm stuck in limbo between wanting to be 'good' and 'bad' :confused: Meanwhile, my butt and thighs remind me that I am indeed a sexual being whether I like it or not.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi everyone.

    I struggle with my body image sometimes and what's been really difficult lately is accepting the womanly parts of my body. I have a pear shaped body so I have thick thighs and a big bum, at least compared to the rest of my body.

    I'm 5'2", a (UK) size 6/8, 47kg and I gym 3-4 times a week. Some people might think that's not enough to be curvy but my waist is 23.5" and my hips are 35.5" so I definitely have curves, even if I'm not voluptuous. I wish I was more straight up and down and taller like the models. I just think it looks more elegant and striking.

    Not only that I think they main thing is that my curves me that I am a woman. It's not that I want to be a man, that's the last thing I want and I'm actually very girly, but it's scary to me being a fully grown woman. I can't wrap my head around the thought of someone ever desiring me sexually and I feel safer having a body more like that of a child... However to get such a body I have to eat less than 500 calories.

    Sometimes I wonder why am I so scared of looking like a woman and being desired sexually? I really want a relationship, and I feel sexual attraction to others but I'm scared of men being sexually attracted to me. It sounds bizarre but there's a part of me telling me just to go out there and have sex, and take charge until I feel at peace with my curves..

    Anyway, body acceptance advice would be appreciated
    I'm sure that there is nothing that any of us can say that would make you suddenly love your body. Feeling comfortable with yourself is a long process and ultimately something you have to work through on your own.

    I agree with the above post, this seems to be something a lot deeper than just a simple body confidence issue, and more one of femininity and sexuality. Since you're 25, the urges to have a relationship etc. are perfectly normal, but if this issue with feeling afraid of men being sexually attracted to you is stopping you acting on this, then you need to try and work out why this might be, is this to do with your past experiences, perhaps? I also think you need to be honest with yourself about the reason why you feel this way, and whether this actually is a body confidence issue or whether this is more to do with mens feelings towards you.
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    (Original post by ripjonsnow)
    Ah, just curious.

    Sorry i dont really understand waiste sizes etc..

    I guess your doing alright by the sounds of it
    I feel I'm far too old to be feeling this kind of way about being a woman and still wanting the body of a child. I feel like I should enjoy my body whilst I can too as even though I look after it as time can be quite cruel to the body many of my friends are going through huge body changes already.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd agree, but I can't seem to put my finger on exactly why... I was brought up Christian/Catholic and wore a purity ring until about 3 years ago I think I'm probably still repressed. I hated being the 'good Christian girl' but I'm scared of being anything else. I feel I'm stuck in limbo between wanting to be 'good' and 'bad' :confused: Meanwhile, my butt and thighs remind me that I am indeed a sexual being whether I like it or not.

    Makes sense.

    Sounds like you have developed an unhealthy attitude to your sexuality.

    Your religion has taught you that confident, sexual women are 'bad'. While innocent virgins are 'good'.


    Do you mind me asking...

    Have you had bad experiences with men?
    Do you have a good relationship with your father?
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    Makes sense.

    Sounds like you have developed an unhealthy attitude to your sexuality.

    Your religion has taught you that confident, sexual women are 'bad'. While innocent virgins are 'good'.


    Do you mind me asking...

    Have you had bad experiences with men?
    Do you have a good relationship with your father?
    That's indeed what (my) religion has taught me That sex and sexuality is evil and disgusting.

    Yes I have bad experiences with men. I'm going to sound very broken now but I lost my virginity after being raped by a friend/coworker at the time just before I turned 22. I felt very dirty afterwards and for the next 2 years I slept with 3 guys consensually... Sounds pathetically naive but I really wanted them to like me, however they all pretty much disposed of me after they had their way. In retrospect it was my own fault for picking those kind of guys but at the time I felt so hard done by and heartbroken each time. I've now not had sex for 2 years and I would say I've never had a positive experience with men. I feel repressed not just in terms of sex but my anger too. My sexual thoughts scare me as I fantasise about asserting dominance over strong, well built men. Punishing and basically beating them up, probably because I'm so angry. I obviously won't go into details but I'm scared of losing control and the monster within so I continue to repress myself.

    Well guessed again, my relationship with my father isn't good. We used to be very close but around the time I started to hit puberty he became cold and distant. He also started to take his anger out on me, he's verbally and emotionally abusive, occasionally physically but never sexually. I actually moved out to my grandparents house (who live pretty close though and are deeply religious) from the ages of 14-17 as I couldn't handle him any more. When I moved back in at 18 things improved slightly. I suffered at uni because he has a high salary so I got minimum entitlement but he would not and has never given me me a penny. I've had to go hungry for weeks and even stay in friends houses and hostels when I couldn't get a job one summer. I think he resents that I was ever born and he wants to me single, free and childless he sees my mother and I as shackles. I miss our emotional connection from when I was but I feel deep anger at him too.

    Sorry that was kind of long. Yeah, I guess my curves have very little to with it in some ways. I'm just a bit messed up in the head
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    (Original post by Charlotte49)
    I'm sure that there is nothing that any of us can say that would make you suddenly love your body. Feeling comfortable with yourself is a long process and ultimately something you have to work through on your own.

    I agree with the above post, this seems to be something a lot deeper than just a simple body confidence issue, and more one of femininity and sexuality. Since you're 25, the urges to have a relationship etc. are perfectly normal, but if this issue with feeling afraid of men being sexually attracted to you is stopping you acting on this, then you need to try and work out why this might be, is this to do with your past experiences, perhaps? I also think you need to be honest with yourself about the reason why you feel this way, and whether this actually is a body confidence issue or whether this is more to do with mens feelings towards you.
    You're right there's not much that can be said in some ways I just need to get out there and do it and start the long, gradual process of acceptance.

    Yes my past experiences have done me no favours. If you read my post above it hasn't been great. I'm pretty messed up and as a result I'm scared of my sexuality and my anger. As for men's feelings towards me I don't think they've ever really felt much for me at least emotionally speaking. I don't think I'm very attractive but having any sort of womanly form scares me as I'm scared of men being sexually attracted to me. Not because I think they are going to hurt me physically or even sexually but I'm scared that sexual attraction means they don't care for me emotionally for some reason... I don't know it doesn't even make sense to be honest.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's indeed what (my) religion has taught me That sex and sexuality is evil and disgusting.

    Yes I have bad experiences with men. I'm going to sound very broken now but I lost my virginity after being raped by a friend/coworker at the time just before I turned 22. I felt very dirty afterwards and for the next 2 years I slept with 3 guys consensually... Sounds pathetically naive but I really wanted them to like me, however they all pretty much disposed of me after they had their way. In retrospect it was my own fault for picking those kind of guys but at the time I felt so hard done by and heartbroken each time. I've now not had sex for 2 years and I would say I've never had a positive experience with men. I feel repressed not just in terms of sex but my anger too. My sexual thoughts scare me as I fantasise about asserting dominance over strong, well built men. Punishing and basically beating them up, probably because I'm so angry. I obviously won't go into details but I'm scared of losing control and the monster within so I continue to repress myself.

    Well guessed again, my relationship with my father isn't good. We used to be very close but around the time I started to hit puberty he became cold and distant. He also started to take his anger out on me, he's verbally and emotionally abusive, occasionally physically but never sexually. I actually moved out to my grandparents house (who live pretty close though and are deeply religious) from the ages of 14-17 as I couldn't handle him any more. When I moved back in at 18 things improved slightly. I suffered at uni because he has a high salary so I got minimum entitlement but he would not and has never given me me a penny. I've had to go hungry for weeks and even stay in friends houses and hostels when I couldn't get a job one summer. I think he resents that I was ever born and he wants to me single, free and childless he sees my mother and I as shackles. I miss our emotional connection from when I was but I feel deep anger at him too.

    Sorry that was kind of long. Yeah, I guess my curves have very little to with it in some ways. I'm just a bit messed up in the head

    Wow. I'm sorry.

    You've had a pretty hard life.

    I really think you should have counselling to work through these issues. Unless you resolve them you may never have a healthy relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Sometimes I wonder why am I so scared of looking like a woman and being desired sexually? I really want a relationship, and I feel sexual attraction to others but I'm scared of men being sexually attracted to me. It sounds bizarre but there's a part of me telling me just to go out there and have sex, and take charge until I feel at peace with my curves..

    Anyway, body acceptance advice would be appreciated

    You may need some time to grow comfortable with your body - perhaps a boy or man you find attractive finding you attractive may help, however it's not always he best option to seek acceptance from someone who isn't you.

    Two years ago, I was hit by a van and gained 33 scars, an arm which no longer works or feels anything, a limp, and a spleen which found it's way into lost and found. I'm still working on accepting my new body, and my priority is learning to love myself again - which I feel is a perfectly reasonable ambition - especially for those who may lack confidence in their appearance. I no longer look like the photograph in my avatar, although finding my way back to something like it is a goal I'm currently working on I'm not big on telling people what to do, so I know I've not been of much help - if it's any consolation, the women I've been attracted to have always resembled some form of the gorgeous hourglass, and I've never been disappointed while remaining virginised.
 
 
 
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