Brother has lost it

My brother is doing his final A2's and has done well in AS and January exams. He has a phase of depression every 3-4 months, unfortunately something he experienced this year which is traumatic for him is playing on his mind. I as a sister have said I am there for him and he can tell me what's upsetting him but doesn't have to as I don't want to seem I'm prying. Unfortunately he won't tell any family or friends and he has asked for advice on a forum which has made him feel worse.

He says he has given up on his exams - he isn't revising either and says he will not resit. I feel so helpless as I care for him and want him to do better than I did but his problem is messing his chances. I try motivating him but it doesn't work. Could he get a doctors note for depression and defer his exams? I advised him to call Samaritans, he went to a doctor but I don't think he really opened up as he said its not their business.

Reply 1

moves-my-world

8

You could tell the school and see if they understand. You've got nothing to lose :smile:

Reply 2

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

9

Unfortunately it is common for people with depression not to want to open up to others. I was exactly the same when I went to my GP, and I only went because my parents made me. I still can't be completely honest. There is only one person I can talk to but I really upset him the other night so think I should give him a break. Even to him, I invented a story about the cat because I couldn't bring myself to tell him what I had actually done.

But I agree with moves-my-world. You obviously don't want him to fail his exams so it could be a good idea to mention it to his school. Good luck to the both of you. :hugs:

Reply 3

Girl♥RadioHeart

12

Hello,

Sounds like your brother has Bi-Polar depression. It is common amongst adolescents and sometimes it even completley disappears with age. Your brother is obviously stressing about his exams and a traumatic event. He is only seeing the short term. How he feels at the moment is everything, it's like tunnel vision. The best thing (I think) to do would be to go with him to see a doctor. If he can't talk to his family, does he have a close friend you could approach and ask to talk to him? He needs to know he isn't alone and he has everyone's support. But at the same time he needs space. It's very difficult I know and you don't know what to do for the best. As I don't know your brother it's difficult for me to say. From what you've said I think you need to support him, other than that... I can't really suggest much more. Sorry. It'll all work out though :smile:

PM me if you want to chat x

Reply 4

simple_things

~FemmeFatale~

Hello,

Sounds like your brother has Bi-Polar depression. It is common amongst adolescents and sometimes it even completley disappears with age. Your brother is obviously stressing about his exams and a traumatic event. He is only seeing the short term. How he feels at the moment is everything, it's like tunnel vision. The best thing (I think) to do would be to go with him to see a doctor. If he can't talk to his family, does he have a close friend you could approach and ask to talk to him? He needs to know he isn't alone and he has everyone's support. But at the same time he needs space. It's very difficult I know and you don't know what to do for the best. As I don't know your brother it's difficult for me to say. From what you've said I think you need to support him, other than that... I can't really suggest much more. Sorry. It'll all work out though :smile:

PM me if you want to chat x

bi-polar doesnt disapear with age its something people have to learn to manage and control.
OP have you tried getting him to write down the thing he obv doesnt want to talk about, lots of people find that easier than telling people some thing and then having to deal with their reaction. and make sure you have some time out yourself, you wont be any help to anyone if you start letting it get you down too.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Sounds like a more extreme form of me. I go through phases where I can't be bothered to do anything, and especially can't be bothered with exams. Like now. Bad timing. Thankfully, I know I'll do reasonably well even without revision, but it's almost like a magnetic compulsion to do absolutely nothing - made worse, of course, by alcohol.

Reply 6

WokSz

17

You could ask his college to contact the examination board and speak to them about this. I know that AQA and CIE are very compliant with such things. He might need to take a gap year though and re-sit in January 2008.

Reply 7

Girl♥RadioHeart

12

simple_things

bi-polar doesnt disapear with age its something people have to learn to manage and control.

I did say it can sometimes go with age...

Reply 8

that_diesel

1

This also happened to my brother Chandrajeet.

He became very depressed while studying at Said Business School.

My father was very worried but thankfully Chandrajeet was well enough to sit his exams and now is successful business man at Canary Wharf.

Reply 9

Insignificant B

Anonymous

My brother is doing his final A2's and has done well in AS and January exams. He has a phase of depression every 3-4 months, unfortunately something he experienced this year which is traumatic for him is playing on his mind. I as a sister have said I am there for him and he can tell me what's upsetting him but doesn't have to as I don't want to seem I'm prying. Unfortunately he won't tell any family or friends and he has asked for advice on a forum which has made him feel worse.

He says he has given up on his exams - he isn't revising either and says he will not resit. I feel so helpless as I care for him and want him to do better than I did but his problem is messing his chances. I try motivating him but it doesn't work. Could he get a doctors note for depression and defer his exams? I advised him to call Samaritans, he went to a doctor but I don't think he really opened up as he said its not their business.

Hi i realy feel for you. I went through exactly the same and was almost in the same position as your brother. If you want a chat then please pm me. Id like to help out. Its real hard for me to see others go through the same as i did.

Best advise is to find someone that he can open up to and explain themselves to. I am always here if he wants that person.

Mike.

Reply 10

shandysays

~FemmeFatale~

Hello,

Sounds like your brother has Bi-Polar depression.

Hmm...it sounds unlikely. As someone who has had a fair amount of experience in relation to this particular illness, I have never known it to come and go over three/four month periods. The changes and the phases are much quicker than that. Also, he would have to be sufferring from mania, which it doesn't sound like he is.

Sorry about going slightly off the topic, but I wouldn't want you to go barking up the wrong tree.

To the OP, it sounds like your brother has all the support he needs from you. As long as he knows you are there for him, that will help (even if he doesn't manage to open up to you).

It sounds like he is severely lacking in motivation. Obviously without knowing him I cannot offer advice on how to combat this, but I think it would be worth thinking if there is anything that you might be able to do to encourage him to see how much he cares about his exams.

I would just offer you one piece of advice: don't focus too much on exams when trying to tackle his problems. People have done this to me in the past (I suppose because it is the easiest thing to focus on), and it lead me to believe that they didn't care about me as a person but mereley as a grade-machine.

I'm sorry there isn't more I can say. Best of luck to you and your brother. I'm sure that you will find a way to help him, since it is obvious that you care deeply.

Reply 11

Eubacterium

13

A doctor's note should allow him to do a late first sit.

Maybe the exams aren't such a priority as learning to deal with whatever happened. He can always do the exams in a year or so.

Reply 12

AverageGuyOnTheStreet

9

Eubacterium

A doctor's note should allow him to do a late first sit.

Maybe the exams aren't such a priority as learning to deal with whatever happened. He can always do the exams in a year or so.

I second this post actually. His health is far more important that exams. He could take his exams when he feels better. It is really difficult to take exams when feeling depressed.

I tried to take some exams in January. I had been depressed for a while, but refused to admit it - which made me feel worse, and couldn't find the motivation to revise. On top of that I was admitted to hospital about 3 weeks before the end of the previous term because I had attempted suicide. I didn't recover fully until around Christmas. I got extenuating circumstances (though I did lie about why I was so ill) but I still failed the exams. I ended up dropping out.

But OP, you are doing the right thing by being there for your brother. He needs a friend to be there for him and he seems to have that in you.

Reply 13

Eubacterium

13

Yeah I have a habit of messing up my exams because of depression. It is really hard to sit and revise for long hours and take the stuff in when depressed.

Reply 14

Yoda

12

Yoda bribes himself to revise with chocolate. Perhaps anonymous may also try this. For all know you cannot be depressed while eating chocolate.

Reply 15

Saki

~FemmeFatale~

Hello,

Sounds like your brother has Bi-Polar depression. It is common amongst adolescents and sometimes it even completley disappears with age. Your brother is obviously stressing about his exams and a traumatic event. He is only seeing the short term. How he feels at the moment is everything, it's like tunnel vision. The best thing (I think) to do would be to go with him to see a doctor. If he can't talk to his family, does he have a close friend you could approach and ask to talk to him? He needs to know he isn't alone and he has everyone's support. But at the same time he needs space. It's very difficult I know and you don't know what to do for the best. As I don't know your brother it's difficult for me to say. From what you've said I think you need to support him, other than that... I can't really suggest much more. Sorry. It'll all work out though :smile:

PM me if you want to chat x

It seems to me more like Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) if it's a regular occurrence and happens at specific periods.. SHould probably go see a doctor and they can give him a light box and stuff if it is SAD

It's just a suggestion!

I'm by no means an expert

Brother has lost it

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