I am timid and quiet and called weird normally, when I do have sex no matter how horny I am at first it seems more too much for me as too tingly but after a few minutes I end up being so dirty to the point where I let anything be done to be and slept with both men and women and had a threesome before.
I basically mean I keep putting off sex as nervous even if I am so horny my heart is racing so fast but I feel uncomfortable touching myself.
After I relax a little when having real sex lets just say there is almost no boundaries and I nornally like it rough as possible, biting, scratching (of me and to others) being slapped having my hair pulled, being choked I like being treated like a piece of dirt and just a piece of meatthe only things I dont like are spit in face, and waste products/water on me from the other person,
After sex I suddenly retreat to my shell again and feel disgusted at what I have done and with sex in general and want the whole experience forgotten about by the person I have slept with and as if we just met afterwards and just cuddled and kissed.
No idea why I get such extreme changes in personality, I admit even when having sex wishing I was a porn star or a whore in a brothel and random strangers paying to sleep with me.
Im serious here, I can't work out why I get such extreme thoughs, I know people have fantasies but I actually want to do them, maybe as I see sex as just sex and once its over I want to act like nothing happened and get on with my everyday life.
Wanted some advice on this.
I have a bit of a split personality when it comes to sex Watch
- Thread Starter
- 28-04-2016 23:43
- Community Assistant
- 29-04-2016 10:49
Being objectified and 'treated as meat' can be what gets some people off, but how much of this is what I am going to call 'relationship sex', and how much is casual?
If it's the latter, what are you doing to reduce the risks around ending up with someone who really does not respect your boundaries?
- 21-07-2016 11:24
Just go with your feelings mate. We are all different. Just enjoy yourself and don't feel you have to comply with some arbitrary norm!
- 26-07-2016 16:38
If your engaging in these activities outside of a either a relationship or a 'scene' I would recommend you be extremely cautious, as Unprinted said. In a proper environment this kind of play which I would put under the degradation, objectification and rough play fetish is absolutely fine. I would advise doing some reading on sites such as fetlife and doing some research, your fantasies during sex sounds like your mind is trying to subspace but you cant because it usually requires complete trust to truly let go and let this take over.The dirty feeling after also sounds like you are suffering drop or sub drop which mainly affects the sub after a 'scene'. What you need is a partner/dominant who provides what is called after care which will help you recovery after such a 'scene' and help with the drop which can occur for several days after. There are many different types of alternative relationships and you need to find a proper place to educate yourself and meet others. Now when most hear BDSM they jump to whips and leather or god forbid 50 Shades of shite, but the truth is there is infinite variations to be found.
- 26-07-2016 18:24
Follow up to the above post:
Not all alternative activies involve inflecting pain either which is a common misconception and puts many off. I am newish to the scene and am a sensual dominant which uses the senses to overwhelm and dominate and pain is kept to a minimum, mainly in subspace training which is spanking post orgasm as at the point the nerve system lights up like a christmas tree meaning any pain is magnified by 10 or 20 times. If you can I would recommend networking through fetlife and if possible, though its really daunting try to attend munches which are public non kink themend meetings of kinkesters who just meet up and talk( no kinky stuff). When you meet a partner you think is right ensure you are both on the same level, this at least for me involved at least two public non kink meeting just like a munch we talked openly over lunch and coffee. The third meeting we brought our lists to the table and began discussing or negoating, this is absoulaty vital. You need to both discuss: hard limits:no, soft limits: maybes/boundries to push, required:must include, a safety word( I also use a traffic light system for orgasm closeness to train awarness of arousal) and what you want to achieve. This will of course change over time as you find things you like, boundries change and evolve.In regards to dual personality's I can relate, during a 'scene' I allow my dominant side to truly take over, it's liberating. After though I return to the loving and caring indavidual I normaly am and care for my partner with cuddles, kisses, sports drinks for hydration and massages.Follow the three golden rules safe, sane and consensual, I hope some of this may help you work out what you want. If you have any other questions feel free to post them, I hope you find a partner willing to give you what you crave but also give you proper care and respect.
- Community Assistant
- 02-08-2016 00:05
I would be a tiny bit happier suggesting Fetlife if it didn't have such a 'no abuse happens on the scene' view to the point of deleting threads that try to talk about it. Its privacy is misleading too - if you use it, consider carefully before putting anything on there which could identify you.