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Am I being too harsh on my little sister?
Basically, my 14 year old sister has begun a relationship with a local 17 year old fool.
She looks older than her actual age, but I just cannot deal with it. The atmosphere in the house has heated up, and I feel really upset and frustrated by her behaviour.
I am not conservative, but I just think she is too young. She talks about love and etc, and is missing many days at school because she stays up late talking to him on the net/telephone and etc.
Am I being too harsh? What should I do?
She looks older than her actual age, but I just cannot deal with it. The atmosphere in the house has heated up, and I feel really upset and frustrated by her behaviour.
I am not conservative, but I just think she is too young. She talks about love and etc, and is missing many days at school because she stays up late talking to him on the net/telephone and etc.
Am I being too harsh? What should I do?
Take her to one side, sit down with her for an evening - eat some icecream and watch some movies together and just calmly tell her how you feel about this bloke and that you are in no means trying to persuade her off him, but that you strongly feel that he is not for her and hope that she takes your views into consideration. Ask her perhaps to take a step back and really make sure that she knows what she is doing, and CERTAINLY to be careful with sexual issues and stuff, as she IS underage and anything like that would be illegal.
Just remind her youre there for her, for advice and for comfort and that you know you cant change her mind if she's set, but that you're will her every step of the way.
((ps - have kind of assumed youre an older sister for some reason... If male you may want to take a different approach!!))
Just remind her youre there for her, for advice and for comfort and that you know you cant change her mind if she's set, but that you're will her every step of the way.
((ps - have kind of assumed youre an older sister for some reason... If male you may want to take a different approach!!))
Reply 4
I'm afraid it's one of those things that she'll have to learn for herself. You need to let her make her own mistakes and learn from them. I'd just let her get on with it but try to express my concern for her.
Whatever you do, do no try to sabotage the relationship because you could push your sister away. Make sure she's there when she needs you, should the realtionship go wrong (be delicate and tactful, don't tell her that you didn't think the relationship would last - delicate waters there).
Intervene if you beleive they are having sex and if you feel it's necessary i.e if the boy uses her for it then leaves her, report him for stat. rape, but oinly if your sister is okay with it.
As I said, try to be there for her but don't interfere or warn the guy off her because she won't see it as a noble sibling-love driven gesture, she'll see you as interfering and over protective and resent you for it.
Whatever you do, do no try to sabotage the relationship because you could push your sister away. Make sure she's there when she needs you, should the realtionship go wrong (be delicate and tactful, don't tell her that you didn't think the relationship would last - delicate waters there).
Intervene if you beleive they are having sex and if you feel it's necessary i.e if the boy uses her for it then leaves her, report him for stat. rape, but oinly if your sister is okay with it.
As I said, try to be there for her but don't interfere or warn the guy off her because she won't see it as a noble sibling-love driven gesture, she'll see you as interfering and over protective and resent you for it.
Reply 5
The more you push against her the more she'll push back by falling further for this guy.
She'll learn for herself.
I was seeing a 16/17 year old when I was 14, I knew perfectly well what I was doing. Do you not remember being 14? I find it strange how some people get to 18 or whatever and suddenly think all 14 year olds know nothing about sex or relationships, and are all really immature. Maybe you don't actually think that, but I know a lot of my friends seem to and I see that attitude a lot on here.
I'd be a bit worried about the missing school and stuff though. Try and talk to her about that, but try not to seem disapproving of the actual relationship though.
I was seeing a 16/17 year old when I was 14, I knew perfectly well what I was doing. Do you not remember being 14? I find it strange how some people get to 18 or whatever and suddenly think all 14 year olds know nothing about sex or relationships, and are all really immature. Maybe you don't actually think that, but I know a lot of my friends seem to and I see that attitude a lot on here.
I'd be a bit worried about the missing school and stuff though. Try and talk to her about that, but try not to seem disapproving of the actual relationship though.
Reply 7
Anonymous
Basically, my 14 year old sister has begun a relationship with a local 17 year old fool.
She looks older than her actual age, but I just cannot deal with it. The atmosphere in the house has heated up, and I feel really upset and frustrated by her behaviour.
I am not conservative, but I just think she is too young. She talks about love and etc, and is missing many days at school because she stays up late talking to him on the net/telephone and etc.
Am I being too harsh? What should I do?
She looks older than her actual age, but I just cannot deal with it. The atmosphere in the house has heated up, and I feel really upset and frustrated by her behaviour.
I am not conservative, but I just think she is too young. She talks about love and etc, and is missing many days at school because she stays up late talking to him on the net/telephone and etc.
Am I being too harsh? What should I do?
well possibly you should tell her that hes no good for her!
Reply 9
Kate.
She'll learn for herself.
I was seeing a 16/17 year old when I was 14, I knew perfectly well what I was doing. Do you not remember being 14? I find it strange how some people get to 18 or whatever and suddenly think all 14 year olds know nothing about sex or relationships, and are all really immature. Maybe you don't actually think that, but I know a lot of my friends seem to and I see that attitude a lot on here.
I'd be a bit worried about the missing school and stuff though. Try and talk to her about that, but try not to seem disapproving of the actual relationship though.
I was seeing a 16/17 year old when I was 14, I knew perfectly well what I was doing. Do you not remember being 14? I find it strange how some people get to 18 or whatever and suddenly think all 14 year olds know nothing about sex or relationships, and are all really immature. Maybe you don't actually think that, but I know a lot of my friends seem to and I see that attitude a lot on here.
I'd be a bit worried about the missing school and stuff though. Try and talk to her about that, but try not to seem disapproving of the actual relationship though.
They don't know all of the risks of sex. Sure most know about pregnancy, but the other risks I doubt they know about thoroughly..
Most 14 year olds in my school seem to see sex as "cool" regardless of the consequences. I doubt any 14 year old could stand up and say they knew the risks associated with STIs and symotms of them.
Reply 10
*River
If you show that you're angry or frustrated, she'll probably just find the relationship more attractive. 14 year olds are like that unfortunately. I think you have to let her work it out for herself, and hopefully she won't be hurt too badly.
She'll see it as rebellious, and most will go through this stage around 13 or 14. I know I did.
Choccielatte
They don't know all of the risks of sex. Sure most know about pregnancy, but the other risks I doubt they know about thoroughly..
Most 14 year olds in my school seem to see sex as "cool" regardless of the consequences. I doubt any 14 year old could stand up and say they knew the risks associated with STIs and symotms of them.
Most 14 year olds in my school seem to see sex as "cool" regardless of the consequences. I doubt any 14 year old could stand up and say they knew the risks associated with STIs and symotms of them.
I bloody well did, so did the majority of my friends.
Reply 12
Kate.
I bloody well did, so did the majority of my friends.
Ditto. I was brought up in an environment where my parents where brutally honest about sex and the consequences. At 14 I was aware of the risks of pregnancy, I knew about STIs, how they were contracted how they could be prevented, as well as all of those silly myths like 'you cant get pregnant if your on your period'
I think 14 year olds are alot more clued up than people often give them credit for. Let her make her own mistakes. The more you try and stop her the more she will want to rebel against it. Ultimatly, you are her brother/sister not her parent.
Reply 13
What about your parents? Are they not saying anything about it?
xx
xx
Reply 14
sav_606_rebels
Take her to one side, sit down with her for an evening - eat some icecream and watch some movies together and just calmly tell her how you feel about this bloke and that you are in no means trying to persuade her off him, but that you strongly feel that he is not for her and hope that she takes your views into consideration. Ask her perhaps to take a step back and really make sure that she knows what she is doing, and CERTAINLY to be careful with sexual issues and stuff, as she IS underage and anything like that would be illegal.
Sorry, but are you living in some sort of dreamland? That is such a pathetic and girly thing to say and it WON'T work. Just let her cock it up on her own..literally.
Reply 15
As a youth worker I work with 14 year olds (mainly 7-15), and I know that some of them are sexually active, they sometimes feel they need to talk, and because I am 17 and they know me, they approach me with problems from time to time. I have to act in their best interests and my duty of care to them would extend to writing a report to the Group Leader and next year when I'm 18- making the police aware of the facts, thankfully that Is something I have not needed to do, and I hope I never will, but if they did say anything, then they would leave me no choice.
Remember she is, by law, incompetent to give consent to sexual conduct. It doesn't matter what she says or what he says either! Now because he is 17 remind him that he is now in the eyes of the law an adult and can be treated like one! he could gain a record for Statutory rape and this will stay with him forever!
Yes that is right 17, just to give you an example of how this could affect you- get caught with a small amount of marijuana at 16, you get a caution that will disappear (I believe after 12 months), however do the same on your 17th birthday and that caution will never go away! It ain't worth it! not a lot of people our age know that.
do not let someone who is not able to make rational decisions make their own mistakes, If anything happens you will hold yourself responsible, that is bad enough! the stakes are incomprehensibly high so stopping it is the only safe bet.
I hope this has helped, I think your sister will appreciate that you care, not now, but you are going to have to live with that. Just because it went ok for some of the people above doesn't mean it will go ok for her, or make it any better.
Good luck
Remember she is, by law, incompetent to give consent to sexual conduct. It doesn't matter what she says or what he says either! Now because he is 17 remind him that he is now in the eyes of the law an adult and can be treated like one! he could gain a record for Statutory rape and this will stay with him forever!
Yes that is right 17, just to give you an example of how this could affect you- get caught with a small amount of marijuana at 16, you get a caution that will disappear (I believe after 12 months), however do the same on your 17th birthday and that caution will never go away! It ain't worth it! not a lot of people our age know that.
do not let someone who is not able to make rational decisions make their own mistakes, If anything happens you will hold yourself responsible, that is bad enough! the stakes are incomprehensibly high so stopping it is the only safe bet.
I hope this has helped, I think your sister will appreciate that you care, not now, but you are going to have to live with that. Just because it went ok for some of the people above doesn't mean it will go ok for her, or make it any better.
Good luck
Reply 16
I agree with most of what's been said.
Don't get mad about it. Talk to her calmly. Tell her you're there to talk to (non judgingly) if it ever gets out of hand (not that it will).
But give her a bit of credit.
My friend started going out with her boyfriend (17) when she was 14. She is 18 this week and they are still together. And no she's not pregnant or anything lol.
Just let it go. Watch how it goes without making a big deal out of it.
Don't get mad about it. Talk to her calmly. Tell her you're there to talk to (non judgingly) if it ever gets out of hand (not that it will).
But give her a bit of credit.
My friend started going out with her boyfriend (17) when she was 14. She is 18 this week and they are still together. And no she's not pregnant or anything lol.
Just let it go. Watch how it goes without making a big deal out of it.
Reply 17
Anonymous
Basically, my 14 year old sister has begun a relationship with a local 17 year old fool.
Make sure that she is on the pill.
Otherwise, she will become a 14 year old fool.
Anonymous
Basically, my 14 year old sister has begun a relationship with a local 17 year old fool.
She looks older than her actual age, but I just cannot deal with it. The atmosphere in the house has heated up, and I feel really upset and frustrated by her behaviour.
I am not conservative, but I just think she is too young. She talks about love and etc, and is missing many days at school because she stays up late talking to him on the net/telephone and etc.
Am I being too harsh? What should I do?
She looks older than her actual age, but I just cannot deal with it. The atmosphere in the house has heated up, and I feel really upset and frustrated by her behaviour.
I am not conservative, but I just think she is too young. She talks about love and etc, and is missing many days at school because she stays up late talking to him on the net/telephone and etc.
Am I being too harsh? What should I do?
You should try minding your own business. She's your sister, not daughter. How old are you anyway? Siblings are supposed to be there for each other, not nagging about things like boyfriends - the parents do enough of that. If you want her to resent you just carry on.
Alternatively, you could punch the boy hard and warn him to stay away.
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