I'm a mature student in his late 20's who is studying social sciences at college in Edinburgh and loving every minute of it. After years of being a structural engineer and hating it, I've finally found my calling. I'm now amongst a class of women pupils (mostly young) and female lecturers. Sounds great on paper; not so great in practice. Certain life events have caused me to have certain... issues. Depression and low self-esteem and general mental un-wellness(wouldn't go as far as 'illness.') My mind is a complicated place which has it's pro's and cons. Good for social sciences; bad for anxiety etc. Being surrounded by girls made my confidence worse as I'd be constantly nervous and over-think everything! However, I do feel like I'm getting a grip on it and regaining my self-esteem. I did find it difficult to feel attractive even though I get constant reinforcement from girls. I'd explain compliments away as sympathy or girls with a muscle fetish (I am a serious gym rat as it helps retain my mental equilibrium) I also get told I'm handsome, which I am now starting to believe again. Now for the crux of the matter: One of my lecturers is pretty fond of me. I innocently explain the things that she says and does to my girlfriend or show her e-mails or feedback I get from her, and my GF is convinced this woman fancies me. I state that it is simply because we are about the same age and I make her lecturing easier. However, there are times when I wonder myself... Topics of conversations about bodies and fitness, and how fit she is etc etc; laughing at unfunny jokes of mine; over-the-top compliments on my standard of work; extended eye-contact: getting close enough to smell each other and even the odd touch on the arm; vibes that I feel like she's showing off a bit when I give her a positive reaction to something she says while lecturing(she is excellent at her job) then getting embarrassed after she's taken it too far; not to mention mild compliments I pay to other female students which garner a slight(possibly imagined) facial expression change. The point is, am I imagining this or am I being blind to the signs, as my girlfriend says I always am when it comes to female advances or interest(with her in the beginning also). She says, 'I'm a girl, I know the signs.' But don't all girls imagine other women fancying their boyfriend? I'm bloody confused, and part of me wishes that my GF is right. This lecturer would literally be my perfect woman.... Or maybe this is all some weird infactuation which ultimately means nothing?
Sounds like if part of you is hoping that she fancies you, also suggests perhaps all isn't well in your relationship or gone a bit stale and routine.
It just seems so far fetched to think that's how she feels. She's a classy, intelligent and very good lecturer. Not to mention hot. Plus, how the hell would you approach it if I was wanting something to happen!? We've got so many of the same views and ideas and if I met her in the pub we'd hit it off immediately, but she's my lecturer!! Meet your ideal woman in a situation which makes it impossible to act on it. Major bummer
Haha I agree, seems like shes into you. But your GF, what about her?
Phhhew overthinking it much.? Decide what you want and then get on with it.
My current GF is someone whom I love, but there isn't the same spark. We've been together for a good few years now and she has 2 kids (not my kids but I've taken them on) and life has just been kind of stressful I guess. I'm just scared to be the guy who does the 'right thing' but never really becomes happy. There's a lot of duty and obligation going on if you know what I mean. The whole dream girl thing seems just that; a dream! Life is never that perfect.
I am a bit lost as to the genders here.
Is this triangle involve 3 females?
Tbh regardless of whether or not she actually does fancy you, don't you think your gf deserves better than you pining for attention from other women??
Yes, she does deserve better and I do love her. Hence, the problem. I'm not 'pining for attention from other women.' Its just that someone else has come along to make me question my relationship. I don't feel good or happy about having these thoughts and I would never cheat on her. Can't help the thoughts though. I mean its obviously playing on my mind if I've bothered to post on here. Life isn't all ideal romance, things lose their spark after a few years and usually I wouldn't be moved by thoughts of other girls but this lecturer is on the same level as me, which I generally feel most people aren't(not in an egotistical intellingence way. In an ideas kind of way). Its not 3 girls btw, to answer someone else's question. I'm a guy.
Her voice is echoed in my mind
I count the days till she is mine