The Student Room Group

Argh, becoming very frustrated!

Okay I know a lot of what I am about to say has been asked and answered many times already. But it feels better to receive a personal response and is nicer to interact with rather than reading it in third person.

I am a 19 year old male and presently at University.

I find that I am very analytical with a lot of things and easily find fault with people. I seem to tend to try and be right all the time and just can't seem to chill out which I get told by some of my friends and even my family. I seem to get very aggravated easily too.

I do lack in confidence in my social side and have very low self esteem to which adds to my analytical asset of my personality for instance I really dislike when people go over the top with things. For instance: staying up playing really loud music when you are trying to get some sleep because you have to get up in the morning early for Uni. Yes I know a lot of people would say they hate that too, but I just see it at a different level and I find it hard to sleep and wake up to almost any sound. Another would be where sharing a kitchen at a flat and you try your best at all times to ensure that the place is kept tidy yet one flat mate is very untidy and leaves food everywhere. The rest of the flat dislike it too but they just become two faced about it and are all nice as pie to the untidy person yet I let them know that I am pissed off with it.

I am still a Virgin. Only one mate knows this and I found it hard to tell him even though I needed to because I was really getting depressed from it recently. I am quite happy in that I do not mind having not lost it because I don’t want to loose it to someone that I will either regret or I won’t have true feelings for, but it’s the fact I haven’t really been out with any lasses lately or for the past few years to even try and have a relationship with someone. I had a lot of hassle when I was younger with a lass at school which doesn’t help. At the end of it all I know when it comes to that ‘moment’, my shyness and everything else is going to make me feel really uneasy, even though I kind of want it this way in that its with someone I very much want to do it with.

Being very sensitive, low confidence, low self esteem and being very analytical with things I am finding it very hard and I am being very picky. I am judging people before I know them but the truth is I end up finding out that what I assumed about them was true.

I have loads of hobbies and interests yet there is nothing I find myself excelling in. I like Anime, 3D computer art, computer games, many TV series such as (Prison Break, Lost, Smallville, Heroes etc), Ice hockey, Ice skating, VW Camping/Touring, Cycling and many more things. Even though I have all these interests, taking Anime as a point of reference, I find that if I go to a club, I just find people are too into it such as people who are into cosplay and such, where I kind of want to do that sort of thing too, I feel very conscious about it and I feel like the whole Anime thing is not for me. Whereas with Ice Hockey, I love the sport and support Montreal Canadians in the NHL, I don’t play and I am not a very good Ice Skater. So like all in all I don’t really have any actually dedication to anything if you know what I mean. I just feel I don’t fit in anywhere. Especially when there are loads more interests and hobbies on top which I like to do or interested in but don’t have a lot of time for.

I know that you don’t have to have the same hobbies and interests in someone you want to have a relationship with but I feel I do because in a lot of cases in the past I found I have nothing interesting to say or talk about.

I don’t know, I am getting frustrated with everything and I am starting to feel like the ’40 Year Old Virgin’ considering the type of person I am and so on.

Writing this hear I don’t know what I want to achieve, whether its reassurance that yeah everything will work out or just to read what people have to say about me or whatever other reason I don’t know. :frown:

(Apologies for it being so long and my lack of english writings skills)

Reply 1

hiii.

Maybe you're putting too much thought into this.
I might sound silly here and maybe stating the obvious but just , relax, a little bit more?

Try and look at things in perspective, people are making noise but atleast the house isn't on fire - people are making a mess but atleast no one has bird flu, things like that.

As for a girlfriend , if you try and relax maybe people will see that attraction in you. Laid back is a good word, you don't want to be too laid back though, just enough not to have a heart attack at the sight of an old kebab.

Best luck !

xx

Reply 2

Anonymous

I find that I am very analytical with a lot of things and easily find fault with people. I seem to tend to try and be right all the time and just can't seem to chill out which I get told by some of my friends and even my family. I seem to get very aggravated easily too.

Is this the case with people you see often in everyday life (e.g. housemates if you are sharing a house), or you just happen to find "a blot on the landscape" in almost everyone?
Anonymous

I do lack in confidence in my social side and have very low self esteem to which adds to my analytical asset of my personality for instance I really dislike when people go over the top with things. For instance: staying up playing really loud music when you are trying to get some sleep because you have to get up in the morning early for Uni. Yes I know a lot of people would say they hate that too, but I just see it at a different level and I find it hard to sleep and wake up to almost any sound. Another would be where sharing a kitchen at a flat and you try your best at all times to ensure that the place is kept tidy yet one flat mate is very untidy and leaves food everywhere. The rest of the flat dislike it too but they just become two faced about it and are all nice as pie to the untidy person yet I let them know that I am pissed off with it.

I'll say it too: Hypocritical idiots not cleaning the kitchen after themselves and playing loud music late at night must be banned :wink:

In the case of the kitchen, what I found is that if hints like "do you still need this piece of the pizza with wasps on top or shall I throw it away?" don't work, sighing and moaning about it will not achieve anything - a direct firm conversation is the way forward.
With regards to the loud music at 3am (especially in ex-council-type houses where sound isolation wasn't the highest priority when they were built) if the conversations don't work, there is one thing that does - the switch which turns off the electricity in the entire house. Sadly, it is sometimes the only way of dealing with selfish muppets who disregard the fact that they are not the only ones living in the house.
Anonymous

I am still a Virgin. Only one mate knows this and I found it hard to tell him even though I needed to because I was really getting depressed from it recently.

Why did you even have to tell him about it? Would you feel better now if you hadn't?
Anonymous

I am quite happy in that I do not mind having not lost it because I don’t want to loose it to someone that I will either regret or I won’t have true feelings for, but it’s the fact I haven’t really been out with any lasses lately or for the past few years to even try and have a relationship with someone. I had a lot of hassle when I was younger with a lass at school which doesn’t help. At the end of it all I know when it comes to that ‘moment’, my shyness and everything else is going to make me feel really uneasy, even though I kind of want it this way in that its with someone I very much want to do it with.

Being very sensitive, low confidence, low self esteem and being very analytical with things I am finding it very hard and I am being very picky. I am judging people before I know them but the truth is I end up finding out that what I assumed about them was true.

The next time you are out there, try to forget your problems which happened in the past. And stop thinking so much about 'that moment'. It will happen when it happens, and it will happen sooner if you don't let the emotional stuff and past bad memories guide you into nowhere.

Anonymous

I have loads of hobbies and interests yet there is nothing I find myself excelling in. I like Anime, 3D computer art, computer games, many TV series such as (Prison Break, Lost, Smallville, Heroes etc), Ice hockey, Ice skating, VW Camping/Touring, Cycling and many more things.

That's certainly a long list of activities and it is very good you are interested in them, as it broadens your horizons and you have to learn to manage your time. But we are only allocated with 24 hours per day, and you will find it easier to excel in a sport/activity if you concentrate on it, rather than trying to fit in many things at once.
Anonymous
So like all in all I don’t really have any actually dedication to anything if you know what I mean. I just feel I don’t fit in anywhere. Especially when there are loads more interests and hobbies on top which I like to do or interested in but don’t have a lot of time for.

Refer to the previous paragraph :smile:
Anonymous

I know that you don’t have to have the same hobbies and interests in someone you want to have a relationship with but I feel I do because in a lot of cases in the past I found I have nothing interesting to say or talk about.

E.g. talking about your hobbies will be more than enough to get started :wink: And once you get started it gets much easier.

Anonymous

I don’t know, I am getting frustrated with everything and I am starting to feel like the ’40 Year Old Virgin’ considering the type of person I am and so on.

Please stop thinking about how bad you think you are - this will not achieve much. Although it may not sound doable to you at this point (do you think you are in a depression?), all I can say is be positive. It's summer now - once your exams are over, make a change in your life - get a summer job, move to a different part of the country, go on a holiday! You will meet a lot of new people and get along with them much better without your bad experiences of the past stuck in your mind. We must be the change we want to see.

Good luck!