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Is there something wrong with me because I'm not comfortable with being sexual? watch

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    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
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    Ask yourself why?
    I mean does it not feel good when he touches you???

    It could be repressed memories of something in your childhood
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    nah
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    He keeps asking me when I'm going to be ready ,_,
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
    he's really testing your limits eh?

    maybe you could say personal space or use the reason of inappropriate touching?(careful with this one)

    is it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
    You don't sound comfortable with him yet and he does appear to have perhaps a somewhat unusual fascination with your boobs for just having met you. Maybe you're not attracted to him, or maybe you're asexual.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
    State it clearly that you don't want any boob touching until you're ready and if he doesn't like that he'll either be okay or leave you. Don't waste your or his time.

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    (Original post by Smack)
    You don't sound comfortable with him yet and he does appear to have perhaps a somewhat unusual fascination with your boobs for just having met you. Maybe you're not attracted to him, or maybe you're asexual.
    I'm more of a traditional person and now I just feel so much pressure to do things I don't really want do.. but then it makes me think, all this stuff is normal and any guy would expect such things
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    (Original post by Impressive)
    State it clearly that you don't want any boob touching until you're ready and if he doesn't like that he'll either be okay or leave you. Don't waste your or his time.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I've tried to leave him numerous times because I don't like the pressure I'm feeling but he goes bonkers. He'll call me and text me endlessly and say he needs me and that were a good match, he loves me etc he says he doesn't mind but he clearly does because he asks me uncomfortable questions everyday
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    (Original post by Impressive)
    State it clearly that you don't want any boob touching until you're ready and if he doesn't like that he'll either be okay or leave you. Don't waste your or his time.

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    I've tried to leave him numerous times because I don't like the pressure I'm feeling but he goes bonkers. He'll call me and text me endlessly and say he needs me and that were a good match, he loves me etc he says he doesn't mind but he clearly does because he asks me uncomfortable questions everyday
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried to leave him numerous times because I don't like the pressure I'm feeling but he goes bonkers. He'll call me and text me endlessly and say he needs me and that were a good match, he loves me etc he says he doesn't mind but he clearly does because he asks me uncomfortable questions everyday
    You shouldn't feel uncomfortable.

    Message him now to cut contact or just block him if he persists.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried to leave him numerous times because I don't like the pressure I'm feeling but he goes bonkers. He'll call me and text me endlessly and say he needs me and that were a good match, he loves me etc he says he doesn't mind but he clearly does because he asks me uncomfortable questions everyday
    This doesn't sound good. You'd probably be better off leaving him/cutting contact.
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    There's nothing wrong with you at all. It's nothing like repressed memories or anything like that either. Chances are, you're asexual.

    It's the sexuality where you feel no sexual attraction at all and have no libido. You can still get attracted to people though but it's entirely platonic. I'm asexual too so I totally get where you're coming from.

    My ex used to always try touching my butt, which I'm really not comfortable with at all. He didn't understand why I was so "frigid" and always tried to convince me to get into bed with him. On every date after about 2 months in he would ask me when I'd let him "connect" with me. To his credit, he'd always back off after I said no and never cheated on me once throughout the year that we were together. He was a lovely guy but in the end it all fell apart because he wanted sex and I didn't.

    My advice would be to just let him go. Don't get into something that you're not comfortable with because you'll end up regretting it. If you want a relationship but no sex, then find someone who wants the same. There's a dating site for asexuals called platonic partners, that's the place to look if you're interested. If you want to talk about it feel free to PM me.
    • #3
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
    There is nothing wrong with you.......I am a guy and i don't feel comfortable with being sexual. I guess aim just too traditional. I would advice you to cut contacts with him if you don't feel comfortable, Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want
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    Tbh everyone's different just because peer pressure at this age would have all young people believe that they should be diving into bet and shagging as soon as they turn 16... That isn't what everyone will want and to be honest it's a shame when people are forced by peer pressure to meet these hurdles probably earlier than they otherwise would. If you're not ready at any age... you're not ready! You don't have to answer to anyone!
    Only thing I would say is if there's something like body insecurity that's making you not want to engage in it where you actually want to then obviously you should explain that to your boyfriend and ask him to be patient maybe you could see someone like a counsellor to discuss stuff. But even if you don't feel really insecure about your body a little bit of shyness is normal when you're 'baring' yourself to someone.
    Or maybe you're not as into him as he is into you??
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    He sounds awful. If you're not happy/comfortable then end it. No one should make you feel that way. There really is no such thing as 'normal', everyone is different after all and if people can't respect how you want to be and act then, they aren't worth your time. I'd just end it sooner rather than later or it'll only end up getting worse and you might end up regretting things..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 and this guy is 25. I'm still a virgin. I haven't done anything more than kissing. First time I met him (we met online and talked for months), he was trying to touch my boobs and I kept taking his hand off.. And he ended up giving me a lovebite on the upper part. I felt really uncomfortable. Second meet, he wanted to suck on my boobs but I said no and he still tried because he said the way I said no made me seem like I wanted it. I guess I wasn't firm with my voice.. Then I explained that I really don't want him to do it and that Im not ready.. then he said he understood and wouldnt do it again. He asks me before he does something now i.e. can I touch u there? but when I say no, he says why? I don't know maybe there's something wrong with me. We've been talking for 7 months now and people say sex is a big part of a relationship but I'm just not ready and I feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me
    I think it's worth exploring some counselling to figure out the root of it. It may not be that anything is 'wrong' with you it could be just the way you inherently are. It could also have been caused by something that happened or belief systems you have acquired.

    Myself for instance I switch between being extremely sexual to being terrified of sex and my sexuality without warning and it can last days, weeks or months. There's basically two sides to me and because of repression (from religion) and trauma from rape. My sexuality is a constant battle between the two and I've no idea where I'm going with it to be honest.

    And if you are not ready then keep on communicating and asserting that. If he moves on then so be it don't let him pressure you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He keeps asking me when I'm going to be ready ,_,
    He's obviously putting pressure on you, and that's not good - he could act distant soon in an attempt to make you feel bad. There's nothing wrong with not being ready or comfortable with contact like that, when the time's right things will happen - but he was expecting stuff on the first and second time you'd ever met him in person, so of course you're not gonna feel open to that sort of thing.

    If it's any consolation, I'm 23 and haven't had sex or done much stuff - so if you want to talk to someone who you may feel less alienated with, feel free to message me In a purely platonic sense of course, I'm not some creep
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    (Original post by Peroxidation)
    There's nothing wrong with you at all. It's nothing like repressed memories or anything like that either. Chances are, you're asexual.

    It's the sexuality where you feel no sexual attraction at all and have no libido. You can still get attracted to people though but it's entirely platonic. I'm asexual too so I totally get where you're coming from.

    My ex used to always try touching my butt, which I'm really not comfortable with at all. He didn't understand why I was so "frigid" and always tried to convince me to get into bed with him. On every date after about 2 months in he would ask me when I'd let him "connect" with me. To his credit, he'd always back off after I said no and never cheated on me once throughout the year that we were together. He was a lovely guy but in the end it all fell apart because he wanted sex and I didn't.

    My advice would be to just let him go. Don't get into something that you're not comfortable with because you'll end up regretting it. If you want a relationship but no sex, then find someone who wants the same. There's a dating site for asexuals called platonic partners, that's the place to look if you're interested. If you want to talk about it feel free to PM me.
    I really thought about this when I read your message, I could be asexual but it might be more due to waiting for the right guy but I do get turned on and stuff. But then again, I barely ever masturbate. I don't know, I'm quite confused.Thanks for your message though, I should end it.. I don't think i'm suited to a relationship But, I've tried many times. He won't let me. Last time, he was crying and told me not go and I felt bad :/
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    (Original post by Ridingmyego)
    He's obviously putting pressure on you, and that's not good - he could act distant soon in an attempt to make you feel bad. There's nothing wrong with not being ready or comfortable with contact like that, when the time's right things will happen - but he was expecting stuff on the first and second time you'd ever met him in person, so of course you're not gonna feel open to that sort of thing.

    If it's any consolation, I'm 23 and haven't had sex or done much stuff - so if you want to talk to someone who you may feel less alienated with, feel free to message me In a purely platonic sense of course, I'm not some creep
    Tbh, I've tried to end it many times and I think he knows if he was distant/stopped talking to me, I definitely wouldn't message him again or chase him. That's true.. He was. May I ask your reasons for not having sex at 23?
 
 
 
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