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I feel like my step dad would prefer to have biological children watch

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    I feel like he feels the greatest disdain towards and that he would prefer his own kids as I feel like he feels great dislike towards me as he gives me the cold shoulder and if I was his own child he would care more and try harder but I mean nothing to him.I feel sad because I want what everyone else wants which is to feel loved and wanted.I feel saddened because I feel very self conscious and ashamed of who I am I think he would prefer to have his own kids so he could raise them the way he wants and make them be the way he wants them to be.I feel like my mum changed since she met him as previously she would be more warm but now she no longer cuddles me and looks at me the same.I feel ashamed of who I am I wish I was better looking and smarter I never felt good enough I hate myself I struggle with feelings of intense hatread I never told anyone as they would only judge and wouldn't understand I just want to feel loved and wanted.He cooks and cleans he doesn't say anything unkind but I feel his insincerity and that deep inside he doesn't like me .
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    I feel like he feels the greatest disdain towards and that he would prefer his own kids as I feel like he feels great dislike towards me as he gives me the cold shoulder and if I was his own child he would care more and try harder but I mean nothing to him.I feel sad because I want what everyone else wants which is to feel loved and wanted.I feel saddened because I feel very self conscious and ashamed of who I am I think he would prefer to have his own kids so he could raise them the way he wants and make them be the way he wants them to be.I feel like my mum changed since she met him as previously she would be more warm but now she no longer cuddles me and looks at me the same.I feel ashamed of who I am I wish I was better looking and smarter I never felt good enough I hate myself I struggle with feelings of intense hatread I never told anyone as they would only judge and wouldn't understand I just want to feel loved and wanted.He cooks and cleans he doesn't say anything unkind but I feel his insincerity and that deep inside he doesn't like me .
    Do you feel able to tell your mum how you feel?
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    Biological children?
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    (Original post by nemo86)
    Biological children?
    His own.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Do you feel able to tell your mum how you feel?
    They both would deny such allegations.But I feel it everyday
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Do you feel able to tell your mum how you feel?
    As no one would admit to such things
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    Everyone here seems to have daddy issues.

    Myself included .
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    he chose to marry your mother knowing she had you...he should be making more of an effort to know you. Don't put yourself down OP, it's not your fault
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    (Original post by bubblegumcat)
    he chose to marry your mother knowing she had you...he should be making more of an effort to know you. Don't put yourself down OP, it's not your fault
    Thank you for your encouragement the thing is I grew up with a single mum and I am not sure what love from a dad is meant to be like or feel like I was never exposed to it.But I feel like if I was his own he would care more whether I go to a good sixth form or no he says he wants me to go to a good university and study medicine yet he doesn't really care about the steps between university and now.He would never come to me I always am the one who makes me steps I always come to him if I want to talk to him for example.I see no initiative from what I think a dad would do which I never experience is the always want to be near your children and spend time with them not be in your bedroom all the time or on the phone very secluded makes me feel as if there is a reason for such.I just want to be loved and wanted like every one if you love someone then there should be no steps between you.He says I can call him dad which I do as I hope it would make him feel more included and as if I am his own but I don;t think it is working I thought then his desire to replace me might end.Maybe I am just delusional.
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    I'm sorry that you feel like this, but there's the possibility that he would be like this anyway, even if he had biological children. Some people just aren't very good at expressing their feelings.
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    There are a million reasons this could be happening, none of which have to do with you.

    One thing to remember is that some guys are more distant parents by nature. Also, he may still feel he is getting to know you& your situation. And if he's not had kids before, this whole school and university thing is going to be confusing.

    None of which means you can't talk to one of your parents to let them know that you'd welcome more support.
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    (Original post by Anonymous1502)
    Thank you for your encouragement the thing is I grew up with a single mum and I am not sure what love from a dad is meant to be like or feel like I was never exposed to it.But I feel like if I was his own he would care more whether I go to a good sixth form or no he says he wants me to go to a good university and study medicine yet he doesn't really care about the steps between university and now.He would never come to me I always am the one who makes me steps I always come to him if I want to talk to him for example.I see no initiative from what I think a dad would do which I never experience is the always want to be near your children and spend time with them not be in your bedroom all the time or on the phone very secluded makes me feel as if there is a reason for such.I just want to be loved and wanted like every one if you love someone then there should be no steps between you.He says I can call him dad which I do as I hope it would make him feel more included and as if I am his own but I don;t think it is working I thought then his desire to replace me might end.Maybe I am just delusional.
    hmm i see, maybe he has problems expressing his emotions, it's great that he lets you call him dad...that's a sign that he might want to be closer to you. Like the above said, he might be like this if he had biological children as well. Maybe you could sit down with your mum and stepfather and should all talk. Good luck OP x
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    (Original post by bubblegumcat)
    hmm i see, maybe he has problems expressing his emotions, it's great that he lets you call him dad...that's a sign that he might want to be closer to you. Like the above said, he might be like this if he had biological children as well. Maybe you could sit down with your mum and stepfather and should all talk. Good luck OP x
    Thank you today he is really kind he hugged me a lot much warmer sometimes he has those days where he is cold and I feel like he feels the greatest disdain towards me while other days he is really cuddly and kind but I am confused and not sure how to feel towards him.
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    I dont think id ever marry a woman with a kid, but I cant predict the future.

    If I were to marry a woman with a kid, id treat that kid like a god and probably spoil them, why? Because its not the kids fault he has one parent.
    Id grow to respect the kid as my own, even though deep down I know he wouldnt be, he'd still be my little jon snow if i were ned stark
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    TBH we have read stories saying "My stepdad is trying act like real father", "My stepdad, asks too much personal question, I don't want to talk to him"...

    He is probably lost as well, also, yes he knew your mum has you, but you are grown up now, he doesn't have to act around. Two grown up people living under same roof, it's ok. Don't take it close to your heart. Ask him advice or anything if you want, keep loving your mum, and study.
 
 
 
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