Is having too much trust in partner a turn off ?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
My girlfriend insinuated that my lack of overprotectiveness of her means that I may not care about her e.g. Not telling her that she can't do things or not telling her who to follow and unfollow on Instagram? I told her that it's just because I trust her a lot.

Am I in the wrong? Should I be more overprotective of her? Idk I'm just not the type of guy to care about these kind of things. Girls, is your boyfriend having too much trust in you a turn off?
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Anonymous #2
#2
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#2
Most girl-friends I've spoken with who are balanced people still like just a tad of jealousy. It's a sign that you care. I suppose there's such a thing as too much as well as too little jealousy.

I know that while I'm fiercely independent, even I have been turned off at utter lack of jealousy. It felt like she didn't care, although I was wrong: I later found out she was jealous but she was acting cool.
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Des_Lumières
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#3
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#3
As a girl I can say that what anon 2 says is very wise. I usually will sometimes feel some jealously but if it was really gnawing at me then I would talk about it with my boyfriend. I think it would be the same for him. There is a difference between wanting a secure relationship and being paranoid and unable to handle either of you having other friends. It's inevitable than people in a relationships will still get interest from outside parties so you need to learn how to handle that!
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Changing Skies
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#4
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#4
I don't think so. Knowing someone can trust you is a wonderful feeling. Trust is extremely important in a relationship so I can't see why anyone would have a problem with it.

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doodle_333
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#5
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#5
That's bizarre... she wants you to stop her doing things for no good reason? This is not normal, you should be able to trust your partner to go out and follow who they like on social media.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Changing Skies)
I don't think so. Knowing someone can trust you is a wonderful feeling. Trust is extremely important in a relationship so I can't see why anyone would have a problem with it.

Posted from TSR Mobile
It still might happen that one crosses the thin, nearly invisible line that separates trust from not really caring. Superficially it might feel so and it's not nice.

I've both received and given feedback that a teensy bit of subtle protectiveness is preferable to none at all.
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Jebedee
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#7
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#7
Some people are so used to being with protective partners that they think something is wrong if that isn't the case. If she's mentally stable it will pass, if not she might go crazy, scream you don't care or just cheat.
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EllainKahlo
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#8
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#8
She sounds strange tbh. A little jealousy makes people feel wanted in a relationship but what she's talking about is very different, she sounds like she's asking you to be more controlling and assertive. Dominant, because it will make her feel more important to you. It's up to you to decide whether that's okay with you or not. I would find that irritating in my parnter if they asked that of me honestly.
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1secondsofvamps
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#9
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#9
Having a little jealousy does make someone feel wanted/important but at the same time it's good to have trust. Whatever you do don't go over the top
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username47781
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#10
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#10
She sounds odd, a lack of trust would surely be more off putting.
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DanteTheDoorKnob
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#11
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#11
Can't win can you really?

I suppose every girl wants to feel desired, which is why some who don't get attention still flirt in relationships, well some hoes are gonna hoe but it applies to others. If you're too relaxed she might not feel a sense of security? Like you don't care that much and could drop her immediately.

Depends on the girl, i'd say girls that hate control and are more liberal are probably likely to find it infuriating and think you are their dad, whereas girls who are more traditional and like authority probably derive a sense of security from having a domineering partner.
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Findlay6
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#12
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#12
No, your behaviour is completely normal and appropriate. You're not wrong.

Telling anyone what they can/can't do or who to follow on social media are signs of controlling behaviour. Don't resort to that and perhaps ask why your gf has this warped view of controlling behaviour being the same as protective.

You shouldn't need to protect her. You protect children - unless you're dating a child, she has to learn and be naive by herself.
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